Dex's First "Major" Short Film Production

[Dex]

didn't mean to blow you off. i actually just came across it in my inbox yesterday and felt bad for never getting back to you, i've been juggling school, grad school application, kid, and a full-time home renovation for the past few months and i've unintentionally let a lot of things slip.

looks like you did fine without me

all good brother. So you actually read it?

[sharkkiller]

Just my two cents, but I think ynou shoud try to set up some type of camera stabilization to minimize the effect of you tripping over every stone and twig. Some motion is ok, but only if you want to give the ense of more than one person being in the woods, and someone following him. 

 

The other things can be fixed in post. I agree about the sound effects. They help add realism, and bring you into the scene more.

[Jackofalltrades]

I liked it...so shoot me.

[Doyle]

You should have had him stop at pancakes house.

[Creepster]

Looks good but why would a professional hit man keep the shovel?

 

Wouldnt he toss it into the lake to get rid of evidence?

 

I also agree with this

 

 

Don't like the actor chosen for the part.

 

 

Hes just a bit too clean cut and young for the part - you would do better imo to find someone that has been around the block a few times and looks it.

[8 0 5]

Exactly ^^

[PhillyB]

all good brother. So you actually read it?

 

yep. i just re-read it again (however briefly) and i admit my criticism of it comes along with having never personally tried to write dialogue for a film, which is undoubtedly a bitch. the banter at the beginning came off as a little forced. for instance the "i'm gonna go home and hammer the wife" sounds overwritten (which again is easy to do.)

 

it seems to get a bit better as it goes on. the advantage of scripts is you don't necessarily have to abide by them: if you're flexible as a director you can give decent actors the ability to modify at will, so if saying the lines sounds awkward out loud, you can make small adjustments without losing the spirit of what you're trying to say.

 

this is, of course, coming from someone who has never written a script in his life, so take that with a huge grain of salt ;)

[thefuzz]

Outside of the age of the main character, it's pretty good.

 

However, I, for some reason knew that he was going to say "it's done" when he picked up the phone.....just pointing it out.

 

Also, nobody would dig a grave, and fill it back up with a leather coat on....most likely far too much work/heat.

 

Personally, I would have had him kick the body into the hole, and see some anguish from doing it, then fast forward to the call.

 

Either way, it's way better than anything that I could come up with.

[Captroop]

However, I, for some reason knew that he was going to say "it's done" when he picked up the phone.....just pointing it out.

 

This. I've seen the hit man make the call to the shadowy client to let them know the job is done a million times:

• Boondock Saints
• Sin City
• Lucky Number Slevin
• Hit Man
• Borne
• many more...

At this point it's descended from crime movie trope to juvenile fantasy. Please, please, PLEASE, if nothing else, find a way to work around this. Look at the masters:

 

Godfather: No call. Just, "Paulie?  Won't see him no more." (fuggin' Brilliant)

Coen Brothers: Anton Chigur never called anyone, he blew his client away. And the kidnappers in Fargo didn't call to say they had grabbed his wife.

Pulp Fiction: Jules and Vincent only called when the hit went bad.

 

You can give your audience a little credit. That call and "it's done" basically serving to tell the audience that thing he was burying was a body, and he did it on someone else's orders. Conclusion: he's a hit man. The audience has pretty much figured out what he buried in that human sized hole was a human. And you can express that it was a hit in other ways. His demeanor, how he acts after the fact, etc. You don't need to spell it out for them like they've never seen someone bury a body in a movie before.

[Dex]

Here's the post beta. Going to sit down with my professor next week and he's going to help me with the final editing. But he said he was blown away. Please don't post this on social media. Just if you want to watch it give me some notes on what I can do for final editing and also improve on for the future. Thanks.

 

Also I know the audio levels and syncing is a problem which I will be fixing.

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofy4e85S3ag

[Dex]

Okay, Im an art director- mainly web and print but i have done a little film direction and will give my 2 cents. This is probably stuff that you cannot go back and change at this point but just take it as me trying to help, not be a d!ck...

 

I thought the opening scenes of the character digging were good, the movement on the camera made it seem like you were a person in the woods watching him. The still shots of the river needed to be at different angles- more dramatic. I would have gotten down right on top of the water like this

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the one shot at :32 seconds looks like a still image because no movement of the camera and barely any movement of the water. Shooting lower to the water would give the shot more movement. When shooting basic scenes, you should rarely be shooting at human-eye-level (HELL as my teacher called it- he was more critical and nasty and point our- "You are in HELL in this shot")

 

I know you said this was raw footage- are you going to add in sound efx for the shovel digging? sound is so key in movie making- sometimes it is the main character. Like the burial scene from kill bill 2.

[Dex]

This. I've seen the hit man make the call to the shadowy client to let them know the job is done a million times:

• Boondock Saints
• Sin City
• Lucky Number Slevin
• Hit Man
• Borne
• many more...

At this point it's descended from crime movie trope to juvenile fantasy. Please, please, PLEASE, if nothing else, find a way to work around this. Look at the masters:

 

Godfather: No call. Just, "Paulie?  Won't see him no more." (fuggin' Brilliant)

Coen Brothers: Anton Chigur never called anyone, he blew his client away. And the kidnappers in Fargo didn't call to say they had grabbed his wife.

Pulp Fiction: Jules and Vincent only called when the hit went bad.

 

You can give your audience a little credit. That call and "it's done" basically serving to tell the audience that thing he was burying was a body, and he did it on someone else's orders. Conclusion: he's a hit man. The audience has pretty much figured out what he buried in that human sized hole was a human. And you can express that it was a hit in other ways. His demeanor, how he acts after the fact, etc. You don't need to spell it out for them like they've never seen someone bury a body in a movie before.

I kept the "it's done" but removed the earlier digging scenes due to the camera movement.

[8 0 5]

I just can't get past the age of the actors, and they aren't very good actors either.

The music really throws me off though, I had to stop watching 10 mins in.

[Dex]

I just can't get past the age of the actors, and they aren't very good actors either.

The music really throws me off though, I had to stop watching 10 mins in.

I'm being graded mostly on my writing and camera work. But feel free to email me replacement songs.