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I met a stripper on Friday ...

E CaT PanTHer

By E CaT PanTHer,
in Huddle Lounge

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Kurb Newbie

Kurb

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i just think it's an underrated point that an attractive woman asked the OP to send her a picture of himself and he thought the best idea was to stick his tongue between a finger vee and then actually hit send

 

 

Then he busts a 30 second nut and "cuddles" after she says "Well what do I do now?"

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Kurb Newbie

Kurb

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. One Saturday she was texting me every 15 minutes about how she wanted to have sex outside right now, I was like nawww I'm busy. I was binge playing Call of Duty at the time. I didn't want to go have sex in 100 degree heat. I wanted to shoot some 12 year olds with my bro

....

 

 

You fuging bitch.

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carpanfan96 Veteran

carpanfan96

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lmao. wow..... Couldn't stop laughing the whole time I was reading this thread....

 

Stripper experiences... It wasn't all that bad.....

 

Just think of it this way, at least you didn't have to drag your date who's a waitress/ex stripper out of a strip club while she's wasted and completely naked..

 

 

 

Ahh, fun times. lmao. . 

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Panthro Collaborator

Panthro

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I just read all ten pages of this at once so I'm having a hard time taking it all in..

 

I just woke up everyone in my house at 3:30 in the morning because I couldn't stop laughing at the OP and every post PhillyB made. Jesus Christ on roller skates what a thread... Where to start? forehead kissing? What the fug man.. The only time I've ever kissed a woman on the forehead was in the middle of the night during cuddle time, after sex. Did you.. did you serious admit you had a small penis to 10,000 sports fans? I feel sorry for you man. I really hope you didn't get an STD. I beg of you to change your name to Pink Flaps for a while. I can't even type out pink flaps without laughing. I'm lost for fuging words. I feel so embarrassed for you I feel like I'm obligated to tell you about my worst sexual experience considering everyone else is doing the same.

 

Three summers ago I was 17 and dating this girl who lived in my neighborhood. She was uber psycho, but who doesn't have a psycho ex story? Anyways, for a few days she had been telling me how she wanted to have sex outdoors. I wouldn't have a problem with that except it was mid July and it had been 95-101 degrees for the past month. I told her she was crazy, that didn't sound like any fun. One Saturday she was texting me every 15 minutes about how she wanted to have sex outside right now, I was like nawww I'm busy. I was binge playing Call of Duty at the time. I didn't want to go have sex in 100 degree heat. I wanted to shoot some 12 year olds with my bros. She kept bugging me, even threatening to break up with me. My Call of Duty bros were telling me "Come on man, get off the game, go bang her and be a man" I said fug it. I texted her, "okay lets do it" 

 

We meet up and walk around the street for 15 minutes until shes says, lets go into the woods right here.. I Said oh god we don't even have a blanket or anything to sit on? "NO THE GRASS IS FINE" I'm already regretting my decision. We finally sit down in the woods and I ask "you have the condom right? she replied "yeah right here"  Seconds later shes mauling my face like a bear while trying to get my jeans off. I had to tell her to slow down and let me get the condom on. I'm slightly distraught and a little turned off so I put the condom on my half boner, *Terrible mistake* Always be in full erection mode when you put the condom on obviously.. But, that wasn't the big deal. The thing wouldn't go on at all. I'm like wha.. wh what size is this fuging thing? "I don't know a medium? a small?" I replied "why didn't you get a large or an XL" she mumbled something like " I don't know I always hear one size fits all. Does this size fit? look at it? does it fit? no it does not. She got REALLY pissed at me and tried to force the condom on, she was successful but it was choking the life out of my dick and it was unbelievably painful. I said no no no no, this isn't going to work can we just do it without a condom? NO. why not? BECAUSE I SAID SO.. we argue for a few more moments and all of a sudden we hear a voice call her name.. Shes says "Oh fug my grandmother was coming to pick me up, she must be looking for me" I had to put my jeans back on with the condom still on, because it was nearly stuck on there. Her grandmother was like what were you doing in the woods? I said just checking out nature man.. just checkin out nature.. Long story short I had walk back home with that condom on and I even had to talk to her grandmother for 10 minutes before I could go home and take it off.

 

TLDR; EX wanted to have sex in 100 degree heat outside. Condom was too small. Had to keep it on for way too fuging long.

 

Yeah sorry about that, She grabbed it from my nightstand.

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Hawk Newbie

Hawk

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This is literally the funniest thing I have ever read. I am sitting at my grandmas house reading this while she's telling me stories of crazy distant relatives. I am literally rofl. She thinks she is that funny. If only she knew what I was really laughing about

Sent from my SCH-I545 using CarolinaHuddle mobile app

 

tell her all about it....she could probably use some new material!

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