Question to fathers of teenage daughters...

[Mr. Scot]

When mother and daughter are, shall we say, rather strongly at odds with each other, what do you do?

[Mother Grabber]

see which one gets a higher price on the black market

[Mr. Scot]

see which one gets a higher price on the black market

Not an option.

[h0llywood]

Wife is always right.

 

That's where it starts and ends.

 

(Unless of course you're wife is absolutely crazy beyond guano)

[Mr. Scot]

Wife is always right.

That's where it starts and ends.

(Unless of course you're wife is absolutely crazy beyond guano)

Not 'wife' just yet. Soon though. And definitely not crazy.

Objectively speaking, Mom actually is right in this case. I'm just looking for general ideas.

Is it best to jump in, stay out...what?

[h0llywood]

Not 'wife' just yet. Soon though. And definitely not crazy.

Objectively speaking, Mom actually is right in this case. I'm just looking for general ideas.

Is it best to jump in, stay out...what?

 

As a general rule, you should always side with the wife/girlfriend if it is at 50/50. I personally am closer to 70-30 just for the purpose of creating the illusion of a united front.

 

Depending on how long you've been around said teenager, you're opinion may or may not be welcomed (you're not my father, etc.. etc..). If you are comfortable with the girl, I would jump in only when the girlfriend is not around so that she won't feel attacked/double teamed. 

 

This is the age of "stop screaming at me" and not "why are they screaming at me?" 

[cookinwithgas]

if it requires an explanation of any type just stay out of it as much as possible, and quietly agree with the girlfriend/whatever when necessary. If said girlfriend/whatever comes asking for advice be honest but act like you are sensitive to her problems.

 

Signed,

 

guy who has raised 2 now adult stepsons, a daughter while going through a divorce, and 2 younger stepkids

[SmokinwithWilly]

What I used to do when it escalated to the point of heads popping off and spinning circles in the air was..

 

sent them to separate ends of the house, then talk to each one individually. The way I approached it was that I wasn't taking sides, but maybe by speaking calmly to me, I might be able to better relay the information/points to the other when the communication had broken down. All that said, I usually sided with the wife, bout 90/10. 

 

Usually in the midst of all the anger and yelling, I would have to remind both that they haven't been the mother of a teenage daughter before and that the teenager hasn't been a teenager before and that they both had a lot to learn and cut each other a little slack. 

 

While it didn't always resolve the fight, I usually got to watch football in peace and isn't that what it's really all about anyway?

[Mr. Scot]

For clarity, daughter and I have a pretty good relationship.

As to her father, he's several states away and has very little (if anything) to do with her. And I really don't get that. She's a great girl and he's missing out.

I truly think she's just going through some 'teenager' stuff right now.

[CCS]

The hole you smash is more important than the hole you protect.

[Doyle]

For clarity, daughter and I have a pretty good relationship.

As to her father, he's several states away and has very little (if anything) to do with her. And I really don't get that. She's a great girl and he's missing out.

I truly think she's just going through some 'teenager' stuff right now.

 

My mom and stepdad always had an understanding that he would stay out of it.  He was merely there to listen if we wanted to talk.  I have to say my relationship with him was always much stronger than with my own dad.

[Mr. Scot]

I'm hoping to be more of a father to both her and her brother than they've had thus far.

That said, becoming 'instant dad' to two teenagers is a daunting task for a guy with no parenting experience :(

[SmokinwithWilly]

I had to become instant dad to two teenage girls. Found it worked best just to try and get to know them first. They pushed the limits and I let them know what was and was not acceptable. I never tried to be their "father". For me, it worked best for me to make my role as the man who loved their mom, and one who would stand up for them. It avoided the whole "you're not my father" thing and established me as the head of the house. I feel for you though man, it took me about 18 months to finally break through all the walls.

[Mr. Scot]

It's bad, yet in a way good, that I don't exactly have a tough act to follow.

Mom hasn't really had great judgment when it comes to men.

(insert comment here) :unsure: