Anger: how to deal.

[TNPanther]

Talk it out. I deal with my own anger issues all the time. Some days people piss me off to the point where I feel like Trevor from GTA V. I call one of my friends or my mom and just vent. Sometimes, going into a slides place and letting out the biggest, loudest scream you can relieves tension.

Another thing I've done is put pen to paper. When my girlfriend cheated on me and broke up with me for that guy, I wanted to kill her. I sat down and wrote down a very mean but therapeutic message to her that I'd keep to myself. It worked.

Sent from my SGH-T999

[Anybodyhome]

PIA, while never ground deployed as you currently are, I was sea deployed many times during my Navy career and experienced many of the same feelings and manifestations of the deployment you are currently facing. Let me assure you, this isn't unique to your situation and you're not alone.

 

The anger creeps in no matter what kind, length or the mission of the deployment is. It's a natural reaction to being ordered away from your home, your family and the life you've worked so hard to make for yourself. These fuggers come along and tell you to pack your poo, we're outta here for the next 6-12 months. You're forced to leave behind spouse, family, significant other, whomever and at the same time keep that "game face" on because you're a badass soldier. Every one of us who ever deployed has those same feelings, my friend. Depending on how you look at it, not having any of the family obligations or a spouse or family of your own makes it much easier because you don't have the dual responsibility of trying to keep your family together from thousands of miles away while at the same time making sure your guys keep their heads out of their asses. That's why you probably have guys in your charge who have no girlfriend, wife or otherwise and they seem to have no problems whatsoever being away for any length of time.

 

My last deployment was the first Gulf War and by that time I had completed 18 years in, had been deployed and TAD more times than I wanted to think about, but I still experience some of the same feelings you're going through. I was fortunate that my rank had a few perks and I was competing in triathlons at the time, so I got to take my training bike with me and during the late night hours I'd ride that stationary bike for hours. It did a couple things for me- kept me in shape, kept my mind clear and forced me to focus.

 

The release of the anger emotion is physical, whether or not you make it a negative physical (hurting someone, breaking poo) or a positive physical (exercise, workout) is up to you, but it must be released. Similarly, the emotion of sadness or depression, crying is a physical release of that emotion and is also a tiring, exhaustive physical release. You must find the release that works for you.

 

The reason none of your peers want to listen or let you vent is because they're going through all the same poo too, and the last thing they want is the burden of hearing your issues while trying to deal with their own. It's one of those unwritten, unspoken things- you just don't talk about missing home and worrying about the bills and all that other poo. Let that poo creep in and distract you while you're in the middle of an evolution and there are sure to be problems. 

 

I was deployed in 1987-88 during the Iran-Iraq War when we were escorting the oil out of the Gulf. This is the same few months when the USS Samuel B. Roberts hit a mine laid by the Iranian Navy in the Gulf, the USS Stark was hit by an Exocet missile fired by an Iraqi fighter plane and the USS Vincennes shot down a supposed Iranian airliner over the North Arabian Sea. We had just finished a mission in the Gulf and came out in the early morning hours and I had the watch as OOD from 7-noon on the bridge. My first orders were no drills, no maintenance until 1300 hours and let the crew sleep until noon. Then, if you were anywhere inside the Persian Gulf, you had to be a battle stations the entire time, which sometimes meant being awake for 24-48 hours at a time. Anyway, no sooner had I issued orders and the stern watch yelled through the bridge watch, "Man overboard!" I turned and reiterated my orders for no drills and the kid yelled back this was no drill. Yeah, one of the engineers had finally gotten off his battle station and had a moment to catch up on his mail, which included the always dreaded Dear John letter. He calmly walked over and jumped off the stern of the ship. Needless to say, I had to maneuver the ship, get rescue swimmers in the water and get a boat ready to launch, just in case. I easily jeopardized the lives of at least 12 other guys to save his over a freakin' girl.

 

Looking back, I don't remember all of the time I spent angry and worried and sad and desperately wanting it to end. I remember all the poo I accomplished and all the times I spent with my guys whether on the ship or in some bar in Sydney, Australia or somewhere else when it was all over. Keep your journal and keep it up to date. Take pictures and do all of this after you've worked out or exercised or lifted weights or run or whatever. You write when you've got ideas as to why you're pissed and you write when you have something to say that someday you can share with others. 

 

Above all- take care of yourself. Because if you're not doing that, there's no way you can have anyone else's back. Keep your head up and know we're here for ya!