FML FML FML

[Jakob]

So, I'm sitting in my living room watching TV, I hear my dryer go off and I think to myself, oh my jacket is dry. I walk into the laundry room, as I slide by the dryer to open the door I feel something graze my thighs and manhood. I look down and I see a fake plastic snake attached to the dryer door handle. I about jumped out of my skin but immediately knew what was going on because my family has this long running tradition of trying to scare each other with this fake plastic snake we have. I said out loud to everyone else in the living room "oh you got me guys" I go to grab the plastic snake and I realize at that moment. This snake is 100% fuging real and looks like it is about to strike me. I hate to admit it but I screamed like a little fuging girl as I fell down trying to run out of the laundry room. It scared me so bad it felt like time had slowed down. 

 

The thing dropped off the door handle and went under the washing machine, I spent 30 minutes searching the whole room for it with no luck.

 

 

TL;DR A snake touched my junk and now I can't find it. I didn't get a good look at the snake, I'm kinda worried it might be a water moccasin but why the fug would moccasin be in the house. An even better question is how did a snake get into my house in the first fuging fuging fuging fuging place. 

 

Pretty sure this just emotionally damaged me for life. I needed to vent.

[Doyle]

The cops put it there.

[Jakob]

The cops put it there.

lolwut?

[teeray]

A bat got loose in my house about two months ago and my wife lured it out the backdoor while I cowered like a little bitch.

So emasculating.

[bigjohn]

Unless you live in the far eastern part of NC, it's very unlikely it's a water moccasin.

 

Still... would have scared the piss outta me.

[Jakob]

I have a pretty bad panic disorder so this pretty much fuged my whole day up. I'm about to spend the night in bed getting drunk and eating bacon.

[rayzor]

Unless you live in the far eastern part of NC, it's very unlikely it's a water moccasin.

 

Still... would have scared the piss outta me.

 

i definitely don't live in the far eastern part of the state and i definitely have a few cottonmouths out here in my pond. shot two small ones last year and almost killed another this year plus saw a big fat one that i couldn't get to.

 

theres some that live in the yadkin river and i'm not even a half mile from it.

 

i have had snakes in my house before, tho. one day my daughter (i think she was 4 at the time) tells my wife and i that there's a little snake in the bathroom. i thought it might have been a worm and from a distance it looked like one, but it sure wasn't moving like one. i get close and sure enough it's a baby ring neck garter snake. my daughter says "i told you it was a snake". while i was picking it up she finds another one in the living room. don't have any idea where they came from or how they got in.

 

we've had quite a few show up around the house as well. mostly black racers.

 

[Hawk]

The cops put it there.

 

 

he's undercover snake

[Mother Grabber]

we used to see cottonmouths in the woods behind my house in Chapel Hill, when I was a kid.  Don't have to worry about them any more, though, the woods have all been cleared out for awesome, cookie cutter home.

[Ja Rhule]

Purples cobras

[CarolinaCoolin]

Purples cobras

Globo gym purposely fugging with FUG? Seems legit lol

[PhillyB]

there's probably a whole nest of them in your pillow

[Jakob]

there's probably a whole nest of them in your pillow

oh... oh... I didn't need to sleep tonight anyways.....

[PhillyB]

oh... oh... I didn't need to sleep tonight anyways.....

 

hopefully they aren't buttrape snakes that try to crawl up your butt while you sleep