advice

[Chimera]

I've generally found the root cause of most relationship conflicts to be that men are a--holes.

(at least that's what the women tell me) :unsure:

yeah, that, and the fact that women won't tell you what's bothering them - they expect you to figure out that wearing shoes that are tight in the toes means she is mad that you forgot to take the trash out on pick up day

[Mr. Scot]

yeah, that, and the fact that women won't tell you what's bothering them - they expect you to figure out that wearing shoes that are tight in the toes means she is mad that you forgot to take the trash out on pick up day

I have never experienced anything like this

(that I am willing to admit) :unsure:

[thefuzz]

Hope this isn't the case...but.

 

Lot's of young girls want to look up to their man, and dream as big as they do.  To see the World, and to take in new experiences and cultures as often as possible.  They want to look smart, and be appreciated, and thought highly of.

 

Then the real World hits.  They are pushing out babies, changing diapers, and first and foremost looking for the financial well being of the child and her.  Nothing else really matters anymore.

 

You are a pie in the sky kinda dude, and that's awesome, however I can promise you this, if what you are looking for doesn't seem to live up to the ideals in her head (safety, financial stability) then you are fuged.

 

I want to start a new business, and while I think it's the best thing in the World, my fiance looks at me with disapproving eyes.  She know's that I do well where I am, and risk is not something that mature ladies love...especially when they are holding an infant.

 

It sounds like you have lofty goals, but they are in the future.  I would probably hit the pause button on the school, and the commune thing, and start living in the now with her and the baby.

[PanthaSan]

I've generally found the root cause of most relationship conflicts to be that men are a--holes.

(at least that's what the women tell me) :unsure:

 

Hey!

 

I resemble that remark!

[Kurb]

.  She know's that I do well where I am, and risk is not something that mature ladies love...especially when they are holding an infant.

 

 

 

Speaking of, I need to bring my totally awesome toddler to your house and infect her with the "Clock" virus.

 

 

Misery loves company ya know.... :D

[thefuzz]

Speaking of, I need to bring my totally awesome toddler to your house and infect her with the "Clock" virus.

 

 

Misery loves company ya know.... :D

 

Obviously you haven't looked at my FB lately....

[Panthro]

Not trying to be mean or critical Philly but you sound a little selfish. At work but Ill try to elaborate later on

 

 

[rayzor]

i'm actually surprised at the amount of good advice in here. not sure what i was expecting, but lots of good stuff.

 

my .02....and i'm going to use as few words as possible.

 

2 most important things should be 1a) your child and 1b) your relationship with your wife. way back behind those two is yourself. the moment you put yourself, even for just a moment, above those two you are asking for trouble.

 

sure, we all have these great lofty goals and things we'd like to achieve, but none are more important than those two. what you have with your family is special and it's up to you to realize it and realize just how fortunate you are to have it. you don't realize how many people have never had that opportunity, how many have been robbed of it by tragedy or the stupidity of others, or how many have lost it due to their own selfishness. sooner or later there will be regrets by those who didn't have what you have.

 

you and your wife are going to grow and evolve in different ways, and i think your wife has grown in ways you have yet to. and what i mean by that is that she's found out what life is all about, while you're still searching, i guess. it's right in front of you, tho.

 

my advice?

 

1) get to know your wife again. find out what makes her tick. spend time with her. you made a commitment to here when you were married, man up. make a date night for yourself once a week every week and talk about non-kid related stuff. and don't make yourself the center of the night...make her the center that night.

 

2) recommit yourself to your child. that means spending time being a daddy. invest in that child and your absolute best tp provide a safe haven from the drama of life, usually brought on by selfish parents.

 

3) scale back and simplify. adding more stuff to your life doesn't make it richer. milking the moments your given with your family does. scale back the amount of time you have on yourself and, yes, your work and focus it on your family. if you have to give up certain things, so be it. that stuff is all essentially crap compared to the wealth that comes from your family when you spend time with it.

 

4) and this one will likely draw some criticisms from others in here that i just won't answer and waste my time with, but make her God, your God. if it's important to her, make it important to you and don't look down on it or her if you don't totally buy it. you may not agree with all of it, but there's a lot of good things that can come from it. it's just like eating a fish. eat the fish, leave the bones.

 

5) keep your eye on the prize(s)...first, who your child can become with a partnership between you and your wife who can have a life potentially better than yours and second, you and your wife's long range plans and dreams. don't let crap get in between those two things.

 

this won't be easy, but it is necessary, imo, if you value your family like you should and i think you do. realize this as well...it's all 100% worth it.

 

 

[PhillyB]

You are a pie in the sky kinda dude, and that's awesome, however I can promise you this, if what you are looking for doesn't seem to live up to the ideals in her head (safety, financial stability) then you are fuged.

 

financial security isn't a concern; we just paid off our first house and we're working on purchasing a second to start renting out.

 

 

 

Not trying to be mean or critical Philly but you sound a little selfish. At work but Ill try to elaborate later on

 

probably. definitely expound

[rayzor]

btw, i really hope you get it worked out.

[Porn Shop Clerk]

try three fingers instead of two

[CarolinaKid704]

try three fingers instead of two

 

Finally someone with some MANswers.

[Chimera]

try three fingers instead of two

much better than your previous attempts.

But still... don't forget the little man in the canoe

[PhillyB]

i'm interested in what cat/darth biscuit have to say about this, as they've both expressed similar backgrounds and conflict before