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St Louise

SCP

By SCP,
in Carolina Panthers

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SCP Enthusiast

SCP

Posted
Posted

Well smack my ass and call me Sally. The sun is shining and Panther fans bi-polar pendulum has swung back in favor of the Panthers after that nice little win up in the land of blonde bearded transvestites. I'm not sure if I'm buying what they are selling quite yet because our coach is a bewb and is STILL learning in year 3 (his own words). But, at least for this week the collective mood of our miniscule fanbase has gone from "fug this poo" to "we can make the playoffs".

The next opportunity for our Fightin' Rivera's to cram a suppository up the asses of Panther Nation is this Sunday when the St. Louise Rams come to The House that Bo-Berry Built. You know, there is not much smack to talk about St. Louis. The residents are friendly, the women are hot, they love BBQ, and sweet tea was first made there at the State Fair. Also, I am a bit jealous of St. Louis because if I lived there, every morning I would walk down to the Mississippi river, grab a tree branch, dangle my ass over the edge,and take a poop just for the satisfaction of knowing that my turd would float down stream and end up diluted in the New Orleans drinking water system.

St. Louis has long mired in the shadow of Kansas City and is best known for the world's largest McDonald's arch rising from the polluted banks of the Mississippi. Known as the Gateway to the West, this structure sticks out like Wilford Brimley raising his hand to answer a question in an English class full of Bosnian refugees. St. Louis is considered the bastard child of a more-or-less shitty part of America's heartland. 350 years ago a couple of wandering Frenchmen decided to stop at the banks of the ol' Miss to perform felatio on one another. Such a grand time was had that the two men decided to name their little riverside slice of heaven, St. Louis, after King Louis IX of France. How nice. Now, a few centuries later thanks to the Louisiana Purchase, St. Louise is part of the United States and is the car jack capital of the MIdwest and has nothing to show for iteself but a few shitty Nelly albums and the St. Lunatics. Obviously St. Louis Rams fans are few and far between so I do not know any to formulate an opinion on. I know they can barely fill that convention center stadium they play in and will probably relocate for the 4th time, but who am I to judge. I suspect most of them work at Walmart or clean shitters at the myriad KOA Kampgrounds and Waffle Houses that smatter the Missouri country side. Sure, St Louis has given us some greats like Maya Angelou and Mark Twain, but they also taketh away by giving us Ike Turner's wife beating ass and remaining in the top 5 for most violent crime plagued cities in America. St Louis natives also lead the nation in eBay purchases of those Teva strap shoes and denim fanny bags. One more little known fact, St. Louis is the one city in America where I have not taken a poo.

As far as the game goes I am hoping that my Panthers show up for consecutive weeks for the first time in the Chico Era. However, my faith in Ronald is about as strong as my faith in my ability to get laid again if the wife ever divorces me, The Rams coach Jeff Fischer, who bears a striking resemblence to Jimmy Hart, is the rules committee guru and pretty much has an incestuous relationship with the league and NFL VP of Officiating, Dean Blandino. So any hope Ron has of getting a call here and there is out the window. I am rather uninspired this week but will have my 8 year old son at the game with me so come hell or high water it will not be a wasted day.

Panthers 28

Rams 14

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