I'm crafting a carefully-written letter to Jerry Richardson. What should I say?

[PhillyB]

I've typed up a two-page draft. All ideas, mind-blowing stats, witty lines, thematic ideas, presentation strategies, and general input is welcome.

 

i've already nixed my own idea of xeroxing my butt and printing it, so that one's out already.

[teeray]

How about thank you.

*ducks*

[SuperJTheGreat]

You're a bojangles owner. He will listen then.

[Zod]

Allow me...

 

Sup J-Dawg! Hows it hangin, Broseph.

Dude, can we get some ballers up in here yo?

Cordially,

PhillyB

 

 

[Zod]

I've typed up a two-page draft. All ideas, mind-blowing stats, witty lines, thematic ideas, presentation strategies, and general input is welcome.

 

i've already nixed my own idea of xeroxing my butt and printing it, so that one's out already.

 

Draw him a pie chart featuring money spent on the panthers and happiness returned.

[CRA]

How about a pie chart with the number of winning seasons.....

[Growl]

Lol wait until you get the photocopied handwritten letter response back form his secretary through her email

[PhillyB]

Sup J-Dawg! Hows it hangin, Broseph.

Dude, can we get some ballers up in here yo?

Cordially,

PhillyB

i'm already editing my letter to exclude any words that weren't in common usage before 1975

[panthers90]

pie chart with games under 7 points we have won

pie chart with games we have lead going into the 4th, and lost

 

edit: in percentages cuz I guess that's how pie charts work.

second edit: photoshop panthers playing in an empty BOFA, and a full LA stadium.

[PhillyB]

How about a pie chart with the number of winning seasons.....

i've debated including this, but i don't want to come across as a complete asshat. i also declined to include any funny rivera memes.

[SZ James (banned)]

KERRY RHODES=BALLER

[Guest Barry McCaulkinor]

My letter would be a simple "fug You"

[pstall]

tell him you have an interwebs friend who has already raised 1412.72 via kickstarter in one day and if you don't act soon you will be the one handing out water bottles on Morehead.

[TANTRIC-NINJA]

I would start off by suggesting that he get that heart in the Nine Inch Nails "Closer" video.

At least we could get him to be in the mid 90's socially and be sorta steampunk cool.

I would then invite him to hang on my screen door sprayed with Flex Seal on Lake Norman because this is how OG pimps play!!