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Diehard Panther fans in Charlotte will appreciate this fine piece of writing

SCP

By SCP,
in Carolina Panthers

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PhillyB Grand Master

PhillyB

Posted
Posted

this is magnificent

 

 

So what's the dumbest stereotypical Steeler fan like in his element:

 

He's sitting at your neighborhood Applebee's bar in a Troy Polamalu jersey.

 

No matter which American city you live in, come Sunday there are Steeler fans at your bar. That's why everyone hates Steeler fans, because they're the guys and gals who move to a city that's much better than their own and cheer for another team's city. Every NFL fan base hates Steeler fans. They're the absolute worst. This is a scientific fact.

 

Our stereotypical Steeler fan's been living in Phoenix for the past thirty years, and he's a huge Steeler fan even though he hasn't been back to Pittsburgh since 1978.

 

"Arizona sucks!" he screams each and every time someone asks to change the Applebee's station to the local team's game.

 

Occasionally he calls into local sports talk radio and berates Phoenix sports fans for not having the Steelers to cheer for. He's always peppering his trash talk with witty comments like, "How many Super Bowl rings do you have? We have six!"

 

By six, he means none.

 

If you want to drive him insane, you can ask to see his six Super Bowl rings. "Oh, yeah," you can say as you nurse your beer at Applebee's," "where do you keep your Super Bowl rings?" 

 

He has a faded Steeler nation bumper sticker on his 1992 Toyota Celica that hasn't been running since 1998. His weekend wardrobe is made up of 10 different Steeler jerseys and cargo shorts with hightop black sneakers. He's got a protruding beer gut but you can't see it because his oversized jersey makes him look like a potato sack with arms and legs.

 

He's not married and he doesn't have a girlfriend because he "likes to play the field."

 

And by "play the field" he means, "masturbate alone to 1970's Steeler highlights." 

 

He's planning on going back to Pittsburgh for a game sometime soon, but he can't afford the gas money to drive back to Pittsburgh and he doesn't have a driver's license anyway. Plus, his quick cash employer is busiest on the weekend so it's hard to get off Saturdays. There's also the tiny issue of that indecent exposure charge -- which was TOTALLY TRUMPED UP -- who hasn't been pantsless in the bushes outside a Curves Gym on a Tuesday night trying to pee -- which means he can't leave the state without prior approval. 

 

As if that wasn't enough, his probation officer is a huge Cardinals fan and he's "totally jealous" of the Steelers six rings so there's no way he's ever letting him leave for the weekend.

 

So he plans on waving his terrible towel at the Applebee's bar for decades to come.

 

Go Steelers!

 

 

 

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PhillyB Grand Master

PhillyB

Posted
Posted

that guy wrote this about the cowboys:

 

You probably recognize these bipolar fans as the ones that guarantee a Super Bowl performance after a week one win over the Kansas City Chiefs and then immediately follow it up the next week after a loss to the Philadelphia Eagles by pronouncing the team the worst in the history of football. Repeat this process after every week all season long. What's worse, the media actually plays into this obsession, fueling their manic highs and depressing lows with excessive reaction to each game. 

 

 

 

i thought i misread "cowboys" and he was actually talking about the panthers

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Chaos Veteran

Chaos

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Posted

Straight fuggin truth right here, Charlotte is full of this:

 

Steelers fans are everywhere. Not because their fan base is so large, but because the city of Pittsburgh is such a dump that if these fans had stayed in Pittsburgh they'd all be unemployed, homeless, and using their terrible towels to help stay warm while sleeping on top of a street vent.

Steeler Nation?

Please.

That isn't a nation, it's just a collection of people who didn't want to be homeless and decided to move to your city instead of staying in Pittsburgh and freezing to death.

 

 

 

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