So I had my tongue up this chicks ass

[Porn Shop Clerk]

What else am I gonna do, waiting in line at he bank. WOAH!!!

 

I remember it as:

 

So I was standing in line at the supermarket...and I had my tongue up this chick's ass

 

i think it was from one of his standups

 

[Mother Grabber]

I wanted to honor the 'I think the wife and I had anal last night' thread, as an attempt to recover for the lameness of this thread.  I couldn't find it anywhere, any ideas where it ran off to?  One of the funniest damn threads on here in a long time.

[Hawk]

Andrew Dice Clay Quotes & Jokes #1 - His version of Old Mother Hubbard

"Old Mother Hubbard went to her cupboard
To get her old dog a bone
And when she bent over, Rover took over!
She got a bone of her own."

Andrew Dice Clay Quotes & Jokes #2 - On jerking off

"When you jerk off, you're saying "Hey, I care about me."

Andrew Dice Clay Quotes & Jokes #3 - On his wife

"Hey diddle diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
That's more than my lazy wife does,
The fat, f**kin' smelly baboon."

Andrew Dice Clay Quotes & Jokes #4 - On his sex life

"Old Mother Goose...
I f**ked her."

Andrew Dice Clay Quotes & Jokes #5 - A benefit of being gay

"I think the best part of being gay is when you're done [with sex], you could turn over and talk about football."

Andrew Dice Clay Quotes & Jokes #6 - On gay rights

"Rub a Dub Dub
Three men in a tub.
Fa**ots have threesomes, too-
So f**kin' what."

Andrew Dice Clay Quotes & Jokes #7 - On why he drinks

"I don`t drink to get happy or to forget the pain. I drink to stop the voices in my head. Do you know what`s so bad about them, they stutter. Ddddddave... Kkkkkkikikill your papapapapaparents!!"

Andrew Dice Clay Quotes & Jokes #8 - What really happened with Jack and Jill

"Jack and Jill went up the hill
Both with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with $2.50."

Andrew Dice Clay Quotes & Jokes #9 - Poor Jack

"Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack burnt off his f**king dick!"

Andrew Dice Clay Quotes & Jokes #10 - But she told me it was her first time

"Let me ask you a question...: the first time you f**ked her, was she any good? Yeah? Now let me ask you another question: how do you think she got that way?"

 

[jtnc]