need help responding to a trash talker

[Jenga]

Got an email from a future inlaw whos a penguin fan. He sent me this drivel.

Do the Hurricanes players play in their bare feet?

Do Hurricanes players wear their own numbers on their jersey, or those of their favorite NASCAR driver?

Do Hurricanes players carry their Skoal and a hooch of whiskey while on the ice?

Is it true that the Hurricanes raise catfish beneath the layer of frozen ice in their rink?

While I'm not a huge fan of hockey I atleast watch the canes in the playoffs. Need some help from you guys to respond to this.

[ProfessorPeppers]

Got an email from a future inlaw whos a penguin fan. He sent me this drivel.

While I'm not a huge fan of hockey I atleast watch the canes in the playoffs. Need some help from you guys to respond to this.

Yes we play in bare feet, makes one less thing we need to get off to get in the showers so we can hop the plane that much quicker to get out of their town after we just beat them in their house.

Do Penguins players wear their own number? Or do their numbers just signify their IQ's? It is a steel city....not much schooling going on up there...

Does Crosby carry a kleenex with him at all times to wipe the tears from his eyes after he throws a hissy fit?

We may have catfish under our rink, but at least our arena doesnt look like its one strong gust of wind away from falling over. You'd think for a steel town they could construct something that doesnt resemble R2-D2's head. What a $hithole.

Also, has anyone ever noticed that EVEN the damn penguin on the front of their jerseys is taking a dive????

[ItsNotGonnaBeAlright]

Do the Hurricanes players play in their bare feet?

Do Hurricanes players wear their own numbers on their jersey, or those of their favorite NASCAR driver?

Do Hurricanes players carry their Skoal and a hooch of whiskey while on the ice?

Is it true that the Hurricanes raise catfish beneath the layer of frozen ice in their rink?

No of course not. They have to bolt the edges onto their feet first.

No, NASCAR drivers use the number of their favorite Hurricanes player these days, hoping it makes the car go faster.

Skoal? Hockey players don't have teeth to chew tobacco. And they drink all the whiskey before hand.

Well of course they raise catfish beneath the ice. The league won't let em catch, kill, and eat the opposing players so they have to get that urge out somewhere.

[panthersphan]

Da 'Burg's surrounding area is pretty redneck, it borders West Virginia....oh the stereotypes must just never get old for these people...