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Real Cheating

KBRed

By KBRed,
in Huddle Lounge

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KBRed Community Regular

KBRed

Posted
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So, my girlfriend of almost 6 years cheated on me on Sunday. I was honestly close to proposing, but we kept having arguments here and there that kept me from committing. He was a random guy that works in her building.

I really don't know what to think. She is honestly not that type of girl, but in a way I feel it's my fault for not fully being there. I started a business 3 years ago and financially it's been hard on both of us and I've been focusing a lot of time on it. But, I still feel that there is no excuse for what happened.

I'm 29, and really feel lost. She is begging me for mercy. She said she didn't know what she truly had until this happened. She realizes the difference in a gentleman and a player now, but all I see in her when I see her is betrayal and him. A part of me wants to forgive her, but I feel like it's because she is literally all I've known for love. I might sound like a doucher, but it hurts pretty bad.

Has anyone been through this? Gotten back with someone that cheated on you? Left and found someone?

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KBRed Community Regular

KBRed

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She went out with 'friends', I wake up around 8am and find that she never came home. She told me lies at first, but after an interrogation, she finally confessed. Said she couldn't really keep it from me, but didn't want to hurt me.

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Epistaxis Newbie

Epistaxis

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http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ17

(Note: no matter how miserable the marriage, or what contribution the BS may have had in creating that dynamic, infidelity is never justifiable. The honest and honorable choice would be to attempt to improve the marriage through honest communication, or divorce. In exploring joint responsibility for the marriage dynamic, it is imperative that both WS and BS keep the choice to have an affair a separate issue.)

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Darth Biscuit Experienced

Darth Biscuit

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Better you found out now, right after it happened...

beans advice is sound... take a week, chill, hang out with your friends, maybe talk to someone about, a good bud or your dad... see where your feelings take you. Don't rush and do something you'll regret, but if you decide to stay with her, you both have to get around it... not going to be easy.

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Panthro Collaborator

Panthro

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I would tell her you need some time apart (like a month) and at the end of it you will let her know.

I would not invite her back into my life so quickly. Make sure you've had some time to talk it over with other friends/family and be right with it yourself. She needs to give you space...and respect that space.

(Also ask her if this was the only time)

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cookinwithgas Mentor

cookinwithgas

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Cheaters cheat. The odds of it being a one time thing are slim. Don't give in to her praise of you being such a nice guy and giving you the illusion that you are somehow in control now. Obviously fidelity means a lot to you so you can believe me when I say that you will, at the very least, suspect her of wrongdoing from here on out.

I've seen it happen way too many times.

If she was really that in need of a lay she should have broken up with you first. She tried to get away with some very wrong headed action and got caught.

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KBRed Community Regular

KBRed

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The hardest thing is that I still live with her. Our lease is up in August. I don't really want to see her, but she continues to try to 'be there for me'. Trying to hug and sleep in the same bed, but I refuse, b/c in a way I feel she is tainted. I'm not quite sure what to do. I figured I would head to my parents this weekend, but I can't really get away currently.

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KBRed Community Regular

KBRed

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Harsh

Yeah i'm not a forgive and forget kind of person. I could never trust her again, it would fug with my head everytime she went "out with friends." No, i couldn't trust her and without trust the relationship is dead. fug buddies yes, relationship no.

That's my biggest issue. She was very trustworthy, but I've always had trust issues. She earned my trust, but now I've told her, if there was even a slim chance of getting back together, I would never trust you going out with friends again so it would be hard to continue the relationship.

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