Lazy Pot Head Teen Problems

[o803oVaDeR]

First I want to say, I know we have a lot of weed smokers here, and I am not completly against it, but some people just cant be on it. It effects them too much. I know people who are completely funtional smokers, and some that are complete dead beats. This kid is a complete dead beat, sense he started smoking.

So, I got this dilemma at home, and could use a little advise. I just want to make sure I am thinking correctly. Some of you guys may remember a while back (few years ago) I made a post about my step son who I caught smoking weed at 16. Well the problems never stopped from there. At the time when he first started he was doing good in school and really didnt have any behavior issues. All that started changing really fast. Now he is 18 and a JR in high school. He is failing nearly all his classes, and has become a bit of a rebel. He has no job, he has had 3 cars and has tore all of them up. He just got a 92 Honda Civic, and blew the motor less than 24 hours after he got it. He is a complete train wreck and will not listen to anything or anyone.

About 2 Months ago, he descided he was moving out. He was tired of living by our rules. Now keep in mind, he has no car or job. He left without telling us anything. It was 2 days before his friend Evan's Mom called us and said he was staying with them. She let him live there for a few weeks, before he wore out his welcome there. She kicked him out because he was bringing her son, who is an A student, down. Well, he tried for a few days to find somewhere to live, and learned quickly that no one wants a lazy unemployed pot head teen living with them. So he came back and asked if he could move back in. By this time, I had given his room to his sister. We have 3 kids and the 2 girls shared a room, up until he moved out. I told him he could stay here and sleep on the couch. We would make a place to keep his belongings. I gave him a few simple rules. One of which, was that he would be drug tested and could not fail the test, if he was to live with me. He has been a complete nightmare sense he got back and expects us to just give him everything he wants. 2 weeks ago, I pulled him to the side and told him I was going to drug test him, and he told me he knew he would fail. So I asked him if he didnt believe I would test him, or if he just did not care. He could not answer. I gave him another 2 weeks to get clean. I tested him yesterday and he failed the test. Now, I made the rules very clear when he moved back in.

My question is this, am I wrong for kicking him out with no where to go? I dont feel sorry for him, but I know he has no where to go. My wife (his Mom) supports me and is really tired of all of this as well. I think she actually gave up on him before I did.

Sorry this was so long. Thanks in advance for reading and your input.

[Darth Biscuit]

If he's 18 you really don't have many options. If he won't follow your rules, then what choice do you have?

I'm curious how he's kept getting cars if he keeps wrecking them?

You should offer to help him as much as you can. Such as, getting him in rehab, helping him to get a job, etc. But it's his choice and he has to decide to help himself. If he won't follow your rules, then out he has to go.. you can't risk it affecting the other kids.

[Inimicus]

Tough love is the only thing that works.

[Hairless Cat]

Just tell him to GTFO

[Seal (SmittyIsOurSavior)]

Kick him out. He'll be forced to find a job and learn to be a responsible adult once he's got nowhere else to turn. I mean, if you set clear rules or boundaries, you gotta show him that you mean it.

I'm not a parent by the way, but when my parents used to threaten me with kicking me out, I'd get scared shittless, cause I know I'd have nowhere to go.

[PantherBrew]

I would stop worrying about the drug tests and start focusing on him being productive.

If he stops smoking pot and continues to be worthless, is that really better?

[cookinwithgas]

I went through the same thing many years ago, and you just have to let them fug themselves up but tell them if they get themselves straight you will be willing to help them - AFTER they have regained your trust. Tell him that the longer he waits the worse it will get for him to straighten out.

[o803oVaDeR]

If he's 18 you really don't have many options. If he won't follow your rules, then what choice do you have?

I'm curious how he's kept getting cars if he keeps wrecking them?

You should offer to help him as much as you can. Such as, getting him in rehab, helping him to get a job, etc. But it's his choice and he has to decide to help himself. If he won't follow your rules, then out he has to go.. you can't risk it affecting the other kids.

His grandparents gave him a 93 pickup truck. He tore up the clutch and the transmission among other things several times. They kept fixing it for him, but them decided to give him one of the other trucks they had. It was nicer and newer. He run it out of gas and burn up the fuel pump. They refused to fix it, so he traded it for the Honda Civic and then blew it up. His Granparents are even done with him. He has sh*t all over them too much.

[Inimicus]

I dont actually think you have a choice at this point.

You told him what would happen if he continued to smoke the herb and he chose to continue. If you don't kick him out you lose any credibility and you teach him that there are no consequences when he acts out.

You have no choce here dude.

[pawsandclaws]

Smoked a lot in HS and college. Brought home A's and B's. Worked my way through college by working night shift at Winn Dixie and classes during the day. So yeah your right some can handle it and some cannot. A deadbeat is a deadbeat. You are doing the right thing. Time to fly birdie.

[thefuzz]

Where is he getting the money for the herb?

How is he a JR in HS and 18?

I would help him enroll to get he GED at night, and make him get a job close enough to the house to ride a bike there.

Or kick him out knowing that you will get a call soon to bail him out of jail.

[o803oVaDeR]

Meant to quote you instead of pie but have a delicious slice on me. Lol

I have no idea how he is buying it. I guess he has generous friends.

He was held back in first grade and he just turned 18 at the end of march.

[pantherclaw]

His complete lack of responsibility leaves you little choice.

he either becomes productive, or he can live somewhere else.

he won't stop.smoking pot cause you tell him to.

he has got to WANT TO CHANGE. otherwise it's just a waste of time.

[pantherclaw]

make it clear to him as he is leaving, that you won't come to rescue him. i.e. jail or otherwise.