Everette Brown, I'd like to have a word with you.

[Jackofalltrades]

I quit reading after you attempted to be funny and failed, which was during the first THREE WORDS.

Fixed.

[Ivan The Awesome]

This thread...sucks.

[BigCat95]

Thanks for seeing me on such short notice. I really appreciate you flying to Atlanta. Bottled Water? Croisant? Perhaps a moist towelette? How is that dish of mixed nuts? To your liking? Fantastic.

Did you notice the receptionist on your way in? Yeah, Cassandra. Wonderful Swedish Massage. She's certified. I specified that as a requirement when I hired her. I'm not sure who certified her exactly. Whoever does those things. But let me tell you, she's fantastic. And never ends on a low note, if you know what I mean. Ha. Seriously, whatever you need, just ask her. She's yours.

Listen, let me get down to business here. This whole, you, as a defensive end, thing. Yeah, no, we love the effort. You're a great guy. But, how should I.... do you like Hewie Lewis and the News? No? Great band. Sports was a fantastic album. I really think the kids should listen to him these days. I mean, the rhythms, and the chorus. You like a good rhythm, right?

Hold on, I'm just going to make myself a vodka soda. You alright? You sure? Sure you don't want anything? I have a tray of Fig Newtons in the back with your name on them, big guy. No? Okay, as I was saying.

Anyway, listen. We drafted you at the top of the second. Spent a first rounder on you to do it. Two draft picks. Two! I mean, wow, it can't be said we didn't believe in you. Hmm, do I want Grey Goose or do I want to slum it with some Ketel One. Don't you hate this? I mean, I really actually prefer Ketel One over this French nonsense, but you know, you gotta keep up appearances in my business. Maybe I don't want Vodka. Maybe, well, what's your favorite whiskey? You have a favorite scotch, right? No? No Wild Turkey? Not a Jack man? I got it, Jameson! No? Hmm, hard man to please, Everette Brown.

Listen, let me get to brass tax here. Just cut the fat and get to the chase. We, don't think this is working. Between the two of us. I think, well, I think there are a few problems. Most of it, most of it's. Wait. Do you smell that? I smell, sulfur, smells like. Do you smell that? It's on my fingers. Never mind.

We think it'd be mutually advantageous if we both pursued different....I swear to god I smell smoke. Like, it burns a little. Are my fingernails yellow to you or is it just me? I feel....

Listen, Everette, it's just not working, I, god I can smell your fuging blood. Do you notice that? Ever happen? Like, you can feel a person's heart beating in your...in your pants? Like, it makes you hard? Because, Everette, right now, I just....I kinda wanna....drink your blood.

Listen, this is normal, you know? Like, you want to play for us, the team that drafted you, and I, well, I want to see you lying dead on the ground, with me slurping your bodily fluids from your dislodged aorta. you know, whatever I can get out. Blood mostly, but some phlegm, some flesh, just go nuts, you know? Haha, crazy, right? I.....

What I'm saying is I'm a vampire and now I'm going to kill you /pounce

Brass tacks*, not tax.

[Fiz]

You mean we don't get French benefits?

[LiQuiD]

Who's Hewie?

[PanthersFanNY]

Now I'm in the mood for Fig Newtons.

[#1 Panthers Fan]

OH GOD IVE DRANK HIS BLOOD AND ABSORBED HIS POWWWWEEERRRRRSSSSS

/spins in place trying to pass someone in line

What powers the dude sucks.

[Fox007]

Doubt anyone would blink or notice if he got cut.

[Panthro]

Favorite thread of the week

[Carl Spackler]

Who's Everette Brown?

[cdandi1]

[CarolinaCatBrigade]

Brown broke fugging contain on every outside run, what a joke.

[SCMunnerlyn1]

I lol'd

[4Corners]

I have to admit that it's becoming harder and harder for me to defend Brown anymore.