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Everette Brown, I'd like to have a word with you.

Fiz

By Fiz,
in Carolina Panthers

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Fiz

Posted
Posted

Thanks for seeing me on such short notice. I really appreciate you flying to Atlanta. Bottled Water? Croisant? Perhaps a moist towelette? How is that dish of mixed nuts? To your liking? Fantastic.

Did you notice the receptionist on your way in? Yeah, Cassandra. Wonderful Swedish Massage. She's certified. I specified that as a requirement when I hired her. I'm not sure who certified her exactly. Whoever does those things. But let me tell you, she's fantastic. And never ends on a low note, if you know what I mean. Ha. Seriously, whatever you need, just ask her. She's yours.

Listen, let me get down to business here. This whole, you, as a defensive end, thing. Yeah, no, we love the effort. You're a great guy. But, how should I.... do you like huey Lewis and the News? No? Great band. Sports was a fantastic album. I really think the kids should listen to him these days. I mean, the rhythms, and the chorus. You like a good rhythm, right?

Hold on, I'm just going to make myself a vodka soda. You alright? You sure? Sure you don't want anything? I have a tray of Fig Newtons in the back with your name on them, big guy. No? Okay, as I was saying.

Anyway, listen. We drafted you at the top of the second. Spent a first rounder on you to do it. Two draft picks. Two! I mean, wow, it can't be said we didn't believe in you. Hmm, do I want Grey Goose or do I want to slum it with some Ketel One. Don't you hate this? I mean, I really actually prefer Ketel One over this French nonsense, but you know, you gotta keep up appearances in my business. Maybe I don't want Vodka. Maybe, well, what's your favorite whiskey? You have a favorite scotch, right? No? No Wild Turkey? Not a Jack man? I got it, Jameson! No? Hmm, hard man to please, Everette Brown.

Listen, let me get to brass tax here. Just cut the fat and get to the chase. We, don't think this is working. Between the two of us. I think, well, I think there are a few problems. Most of it, most of it's. Wait. Do you smell that? I smell, sulfur, smells like. Do you smell that? It's on my fingers. Never mind.

We think it'd be mutually advantageous if we both pursued different....I swear to god I smell smoke. Like, it burns a little. Are my fingernails yellow to you or is it just me? I feel....

Listen, Everette, it's just not working, I, god I can smell your fuging blood. Do you notice that? Ever happen? Like, you can feel a person's heart beating in your...in your pants? Like, it makes you hard? Because, Everette, right now, I just....I kinda wanna....drink your blood.

Listen, this is normal, you know? Like, you want to play for us, the team that drafted you, and I, well, I want to see you lying dead on the ground, with me slurping your bodily fluids from your dislodged aorta. you know, whatever I can get out. Blood mostly, but some phlegm, some flesh, just go nuts, you know? Haha, crazy, right? I.....

What I'm saying is I'm a vampire and now I'm going to kill you /pounce

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      Dave Tepper gives Canales and Dan Morgan vote of confidence

      By frankw · Posted

      You and I both know there isn't a coach we could or can still hire that can "fix" Bryce Young. Even at mighty Alabama with one of the best modern coaches in college football history Mac Jones was still a better QB than Bryce Young. Mac Jones.... We already know how you feel about Canales on a personal level so in that regard you wanting him fired is not news. You don't have to disguise it behind this shroud of rabble about not fixing Bryce Young. To his credit he somehow had us competive against the Chiefs and the Eagles on the road with #9. But no coaching staff can overcome their starting QB turning the ball over 4 times. We definitely have developed some of our younger offensive pieces. And as far as Evero goes he has earned criticism and if he's fired so be it but in his defense many of us said in the offseason this defensive roster was a disaster waiting to happen given the resources we spent on the offense while neglecting the defense. That was Dan Morgan's plan. He swung too hard toward offense to salvage the Bryce Young trade. That's on him. We can scream about XL all we want but at least he's actually been on the field for the most part. The Brooks pick was a luxury pick at the time and now it is a Hurney level blunder. Dan Morgan has gotten a lot of early praise here when in reality he's unequivocally deserving of significant criticism. But if you say that some people get up in arms because he's a former Panther. Big whoop. He has just as much to prove this upcoming season as Canales. That's why to me in my own personal opinion I say one more season and then if it's more of the same say goodbye to both.
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