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Everette Brown, I'd like to have a word with you.


Fiz

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Thanks for seeing me on such short notice. I really appreciate you flying to Atlanta. Bottled Water? Croisant? Perhaps a moist towelette? How is that dish of mixed nuts? To your liking? Fantastic.

Did you notice the receptionist on your way in? Yeah, Cassandra. Wonderful Swedish Massage. She's certified. I specified that as a requirement when I hired her. I'm not sure who certified her exactly. Whoever does those things. But let me tell you, she's fantastic. And never ends on a low note, if you know what I mean. Ha. Seriously, whatever you need, just ask her. She's yours.

Listen, let me get down to business here. This whole, you, as a defensive end, thing. Yeah, no, we love the effort. You're a great guy. But, how should I.... do you like huey Lewis and the News? No? Great band. Sports was a fantastic album. I really think the kids should listen to him these days. I mean, the rhythms, and the chorus. You like a good rhythm, right?

Hold on, I'm just going to make myself a vodka soda. You alright? You sure? Sure you don't want anything? I have a tray of Fig Newtons in the back with your name on them, big guy. No? Okay, as I was saying.

Anyway, listen. We drafted you at the top of the second. Spent a first rounder on you to do it. Two draft picks. Two! I mean, wow, it can't be said we didn't believe in you. Hmm, do I want Grey Goose or do I want to slum it with some Ketel One. Don't you hate this? I mean, I really actually prefer Ketel One over this French nonsense, but you know, you gotta keep up appearances in my business. Maybe I don't want Vodka. Maybe, well, what's your favorite whiskey? You have a favorite scotch, right? No? No Wild Turkey? Not a Jack man? I got it, Jameson! No? Hmm, hard man to please, Everette Brown.

Listen, let me get to brass tax here. Just cut the fat and get to the chase. We, don't think this is working. Between the two of us. I think, well, I think there are a few problems. Most of it, most of it's. Wait. Do you smell that? I smell, sulfur, smells like. Do you smell that? It's on my fingers. Never mind.

We think it'd be mutually advantageous if we both pursued different....I swear to god I smell smoke. Like, it burns a little. Are my fingernails yellow to you or is it just me? I feel....

Listen, Everette, it's just not working, I, god I can smell your fuging blood. Do you notice that? Ever happen? Like, you can feel a person's heart beating in your...in your pants? Like, it makes you hard? Because, Everette, right now, I just....I kinda wanna....drink your blood.

Listen, this is normal, you know? Like, you want to play for us, the team that drafted you, and I, well, I want to see you lying dead on the ground, with me slurping your bodily fluids from your dislodged aorta. you know, whatever I can get out. Blood mostly, but some phlegm, some flesh, just go nuts, you know? Haha, crazy, right? I.....

What I'm saying is I'm a vampire and now I'm going to kill you /pounce

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    • If Canales has helped Bryce a “poo ton” and this is what we have then what’s the fuging point? And the offense wasn’t humming with Dalton in there either, except against the raiders who’ll likely be firing their coach after this season.  XL is probably the fourth best looking receiving option on the team right now behind thielen, Coker, and sanders. I don’t think anyone would disagree with that. Who cares about total receiving yards when everyone else has missed time and there’s like 180 yards of receiving a game.  and lmao they were “believing” shut the fug up. They lost and for the most part those games were all the defense shutting down the other team. The chiefs turned around and gave up an actual impressive stat line to Aiden O’Connell and I not even the most delusional raiders fans think that means anything. Bryce did nothing against the eagles, the Bucs are a mash unit, and any one of us could have done that Bryce did against the giants and saints.  And as far as who they’d get, they didn’t have any trouble hiring the guy you’re tripping over yourself to defend. They also could have hired Dan Quinn, who’s actually succeeding with a young qb.  And people are acting like the risk of getting paid for not working for five years is a negative. Canales is going to spend the next half a decade getting paid to watch porn in his Bible camp office.
    • the Dallas game definitely quelled the hype. his biggest issue will always be his size, and that shows when he gets sacked. he's simply not big or strong enough to protect the ball. even in the KC game, he fumbled it on a basic sack and thank god icky landed on it. INT's are going to happen, most fans don't understand that tipped balls and wrong routes account for most interceptions. but the wet-bar-of-soap type fumbles upon contact are a huge reg flag. the common theme with players like Darnold and Mayfield who previously played for us and are now excelling makes me want to practice patience more when it comes to the QB position. I think Bryce bought himself another season, perhaps with more weapons. I do like the idea of adding a QB whether that's a FA or mid round rookie. if the same mistakes occur next season and we see no further growth or most importantly, wins, then it will be time to move on. just a quick reminder though, football is not an individual sport. QB is just one position, albeit the most important. 
    • There's some big assumptions in here - first, I think Canales HAS helped Bryce a poo ton. To pretend he hasn't is asinine. Has he fixed him?  I mean, the dude looks like he could perhaps be a backup or low-end starter now, whereas he looked like he didn't belong in the NFL a year ago. You're talking about a coach that brought one of the worst NFL QBs of all time to a point where he may actually be a low-end starter. That IS impressive. Second, the bolded. Come on - given the offense, the dude is far from "trending towards bust." He definitely needs work but he's shown an impressive ability to get open. He's contributing to an anemic offense. The dude is our leading receiver (though he'll be #2 in yardage by end of season by a little, as Thielen does better per game).  As to his coaching, he had this team competing and believing against 3 of the better teams in the NFL, despite the lack of talent, and despite our QB situation.  Yes, things fell apart vs DAL, and he was outcoached. But that will happen with young coaches IMO.  I don't think it indicates he cant' be better. The idea of "pulling off the bandage" is ridiculous. Who would want to coach here if we fired this guy after one season? 
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