Just put down my dog this morning

[Ricky Spanish]

This is without a doubt the shittiest day of my life and it's only 10. I wrote this up last night to try and feel better about everything. it didn't help:

I'm in Raleigh at my parent's house for the evening and I got more news on why it is happening.

She has Alzheimer, yes dogs can get it, and she hasn't been the same dog she use to be in almost a year. last night around 4 my parents woke up to her yipping. she was biting her own foot and didn't realize she was doing it. snapped her own toe off and was bleeding everywhere. they took her to the vet and the vet said there was nothing they could do for her due to her age and current mental state. because a surgery to fix her broken foot won't work for her, we are putting her down. Our vet doesn't open till 9 on saturdays but they are letting us in early to put her down so everyone at the vet's office can say bye to her as well. they've gotten to know her over the past year and love her there.

We got her when I was 11, like I said but it wasn't planned. we already had a dog and were looking for one for my grandparents. i went to the puppy kennel and started playing with the litter available. they were all adorable. there was one with an attitude though. I would pet her, and then put her in the back behind her brothers and sisters to try and look at the other puppies, but she would nip and claw and bite her way back to me. when she got back to me, I would play with her, put her in the back of the dogs, and try and give my attention to the others. she did the same thing. we did this song and dance about 3 times before i finally just let her climb in my lap, where she curled up in a ball and started giving me kisses while simultaneously fighting off the other puppies from seeing me. My parents saw this all happening and knew it would be impossible not to bring her home. She chose me, and I was her boy from that day on.

most dogs need a time for adjustment when you bring them home. not her. she was ready to face the world from day one. she found a way to climb on top of her kennel, and even managed to get on the kitchen table and eat a plate of cinnamon rolls when we weren't in the room. she was damn smart and and incredibly charming.

every day I would come home from school and she would greet me at the door and follow me up the stairs to my room where she would shower me with dog kisses until i finally pushed her away. she would then lay on my bed while i did my homework and whatnot. when I ended up going off to college, my parents told me that whenever I would leave back to school, she would go in my room and lay in my bed like she was waiting for me to get home. that broke my heart when I heard that...

like i said earlier she hasn't been doing well the past few years and her alzheimer did her in this past year. she wasn't the same dog anymore. she wouldn't run, wag her tail, play with our other dog, and hardly even eat. she would forget that she was drinking water and end up drinking so much that she would throw some up. she forgot how to tell us she needed to go outside and has pretty much ruined the carpet in my parent's family room but they were going to replace it so they didn't really care because they love her and want her around. she has been in bad shape for a while now, and every time i would see her, i would cry knowing that my old dog was gone and it was only a matter of time until we had to put her down.

but tonight, as I held her in my arms as i lay in my old bed with her, she started to get fidgety and started walking around. she ended up putting her paw on my chest, looking me in the eyes and giving me kisses like she use to when I was a kid. it was almost as if she was trying to tell me that everything was going to be alright, that she was still the same dog I grew up with, and that she loved me very much.

I broke down like a baby when that happened and have been crying ever since. poo, I'm still crying as i type this. I'm going to miss her very very much and I am just trying to remind myself that she is going to be in a better place. Christ this sucks.

we put her down this morning and I cried all the way to the vet. I held her the whole way there. when we were about halfway there, she squirmed out of my arms, turned and looked at me, and started licking my face like she use to when she was healthy again. That broke my heart. this is the single heardest thing I have ever had to do in my life, worst part is I have 3 other dogs, one of which is going to be 13 this month. I hope he just keels over from a heart attack cause I don't want to have to put him down too.

anyway, sorry to be a debbie downer, but when I'm sad i like to write in order to get what I'm feeling out of me and somewhere else. it helps me cope.

[Doyle]

Go out and get another one. Sorry for the loss but its the only way to move on. Start a new chapter.

[The Saltman]

Sorry to hear man. My dog is at my in laws right now and I wish she was here.

Dont know what ill do when she is gone.

[bredy087]

I just lost my 18 year old cat a couple weeks ago, had him for that long too. I feel for you man.

[Darth Biscuit]

That's a bad deal man... I hear u. I put our dachsund down in 2006 after 14 years, it was tough.

It gets better.

[Chaos]

Thanks for sharing your story - it's good for your soul to get your feelings out in one way or another. Time heals all wounds my friend, and that's easier said than done, but it's true. Cherish the memories, and keep making new ones, and try not to dwell on the last year up until now, but all the time before then. That's what counts.

Keep your head up brother. You got me all emotional too.

[bleys]

sorry to hear.. have lost a few in my day. always tough.

[sunbunny]

I am so sorry. (((hugs)))

[Hawk]

sorry to hear! very tough thing to lose a pet!

[Matt Foley]

Sorry, man. I left a dog behind at home that loved me the same way when I went off to college and I felt guilty as hell leaving him behind during his last couple of years. I know how you felt and having put down a dog and a cat I know how you feel about that, too. Don't tell people who don't care about animals. They'll just say something stupid like the second guy in this thread. Only tell fellow animal lovers.

[YoungPanthers89]

ugh that sucks

[tarheelblue89]

Lost my dog about 6 years ago. It still hurts. We got another one a week later to help ease the pain. But now I don't know what I'm gonna do when we lose this one.

[jasonluckydog]

Jesus man you got me crying.

[tarheelblue89]

Jesus man you got me crying.

I stopped half way through it cuz I was getting there.