Ugghhh....what a friggin' day.

[Mr. Scot]

Prayers from me, man

[mantal]

The other night Brogan must have been missing him a lot because he was crying when he went to bed. My wife talked to him and settled him down. 99% of the time he's ok, but every once in a while he really misses his big brother. Little League practice just started last week so that will keep him busy and hopefully take his mind off it. He plays with a kid down the street who's a few years younger....this kid told him the other day that he would be his brother. His family knows Jimmy well and have taken him to dirt track races and camping.

That's what pisses me off more than anything else. That he's pissing you off is pretty normal, but to affect his younger brother like that is intolerable and he hasn't even thought about it...

[Hawk]

shitty situation Shinner...you still have 100% of my support for what it's worth. I hope the oldest understands what he stands to lose. If nothing else, I hope he realizes the affect on his little brother...innocent bystander in all this mess. Good luck!

[shinner]

Prayers from me, man

Thanks man...I guess the truth is that I could have handled the original problem better but rage and frustration got the best of me and I gave him the boot. Shoulda just told him to call his gf and tell her to turn around but I after so many times of him ignoring our rules, I just blew.

That's what pisses me off more than anything else. That he's pissing you off is pretty normal, but to affect his younger brother like that is intolerable and he hasn't even thought about it...

That's what me and the missus are feeling too...he just doesn't give a poo about anyone but himself. It sucks to say about your own kid but he was a total dickbag when my wife let him know. Selfish. Just plain selfish.

shitty situation Shinner...you still have 100% of my support for what it's worth. I hope the oldest understands what he stands to lose. If nothing else, I hope he realizes the affect on his little brother...innocent bystander in all this mess. Good luck!

Thanks Hawk...I think me and the missus are going in to see the guidance counselor at school, probably on Wednesday. I don't know if it'll do any good but when I called in to school today, I asked for a meeting with the penguin (vice-principal) and it was suggested that we talk to the GC first. Maybe he will call Jimmy in for a meeting after we let him know what's going on.

I sent the kid a msg today asking why he wasn't in school...claims he hurt his ankle on his bike yesterday. Wonder if the gf skipped school as well?

I was hoping that the lack of updates was a good sign for you and your family, guess not.

I really thought he had come around when he sent me that text msg saying he was considering it....and the little turd gutted me instead. Silence has been due to being worn out worrying over it.

My exit from home was not too different from what you're going through and the only thing that saved the family was my parents making sure that I knew I could always come home. Once they quit trying to force me to come home and we all got over the hurt feelings and acrimony we put together a relationship, Albeit on different terms, but one that allowed me to eventually move home to save money once I decided to get married. I guess I'm trying to reassure you that even if he doesn't come home it doesn't mean you've lost a son.

Yeah, I understand ya...and I think he knows he can come home whenever. I've told him that I really wished he were home talking with us and working things out. Tried to reassure him that things would be 100% different if he would only show us the same respect he shows his friend's parents and did what he's told. He claims it's not about that at all...the boy had a unique perspective on things. He sent his mom some really hurtful txt messages in response to hers letting him know about his brother. Really mean and selfish poo. Stuff that, if he said in front of me, I woulda knocked his lights out on the spot. But he wouldn't say it because he doesn't have the stones.

I'm doubting a judge would grant him emancipation...my guess is that he'd see he's 9 months away from turning 18 which means automatic emancipation and he'd advise him to go home and stick it out until then.

[mantal]

Sorry man, I know it's tough, just try not to burn all the bridges, I assure you, he'll cross one back to you one day...

[The Link]

I hope everything ends up working out for you and your family.

[Fireball77]

That's what me and the missus are feeling too...he just doesn't give a poo about anyone but himself. It sucks to say about your own kid but he was a total dickbag when my wife let him know. Selfish. Just plain selfish.

Honestly Shinner, don't be too hard on yourself for this one. To me, that is a typical teenage thing...totally self centered and selfish. I think the opposite from teenagers would be more of the exception. Sorry to hear things are still in limbo. Hope it works out.

[Murph]

I don't think I have any advice or can say anything that could help.

But on the bright side, baseball season starts soon and the Sox look STRONG!

:party:

[Mr. Scot]

Thanks man...I guess the truth is that I could have handled the original problem better but rage and frustration got the best of me and I gave him the boot. Shoulda just told him to call his gf and tell her to turn around but I after so many times of him ignoring our rules, I just blew.

Hindsight.

We all have things that seem "so obvious" to us when we look back at them, but in the heat of the moment nothing is ever that simple. Sometimes those situations can end up being an opportunity for something deeper than you would have expected.

That's certainly my hope in your case.

[shinner]

Well...me and the missus went to his high school to see the guidance counselor. He about poo a brick when I told him Jimmy hasn't been at home for a month. Apparently, Jimmy shows no sign of it at school and really hasn't told any of his friends around school either or it would have made it back to someone. The GC told us the school is pretty notorious for being gossipy. Anyway, once the GC heard this he called down the dean of students.

A lot was discussed and they asked if we wanted them to contact the State Police to bring him home. I said I didn't really want that because if he's forced to come home its only going to raise his resentment towards us and most likely he'll bolt first chance he gets and very likely not even respond to text messages. They saw my concern in that. They said that they have a shrink that comes to the school a few days a week and works with kids who may be having problems with things like substance abuse or mental issues. The GC said that, while Jimmy is obviously not crazy, he isn't making good decisions so he asked if we would like him to see this woman. I had no problem with that and figured that maybe he would open up to her with what he perceives are his problems because he sure as hell won't with us.

The DoS asked if Jimmy answers his phone when we've tried to call him. I told him he won't and that he prefers sending txt message possibly because it gives him more time to consider what he wants to say. The DoS said that Jimmy probably would answer if he saw it was a friend calling, which we agreed. He asked for Jimmy's cellphone number and said he would find one of his friends in school to call for him so he could talk with him. He must have done that right away because it wasn't 20 mins later that the GC called me and said that the DoS had talked to Jimmy who told them he would be in school tomorrow. Tomorrow also happens to be the day that the shrink woman is at the school. So he asked if we could be there at 2pm so that everyone involved would be there. I made sure I could avoid work during that time and the wife did as well. So tomorrow I expect something to happen.

We'll see....

[mush]

Well, interesting what they can do sometimes......

It's worth a shot.

[Go To Girl]

Good luck shinner

[PowerlessDan]

You guys are in my thoughts and prayers. Good luck.

[shinner]

Well....we had our meeting. We were the last to get there which pissed me off right from the start. My wife was late. Lateness annoys the phuk out of me. Even more so when it's something this important. I don't give a $hit what was going on at work, you leave when you have to in order to be on time.

Anyway we walk in and its immediate tension...The GC started by saying he didn't know exactly how to start. So the HS (head shrinker) asked my son to talk about his complaints, to which he replied that he didn't really know how to explain it. Off with a bang, eh! So she asked us to talk about what led up to him leaving. Wife took over and told the tale. At some point Jimmy said his leaving wasn't like she said and told the HS that I "took his house keys and told him to leave". This got me into it and I said that I told him that if he was leaving with his GF, then he wasn't coming back and then I told him to give me his keys and leave. Anyway...of little matter really but I wasn't going to sit there quiet and let the kid spin it so he was the victim.

Things went on and on and the DoS told Jimmy that it sounded like he had a very loose leash. He compared it to his growing up in the 90s and his not being allowed to go out at all during the school week. He noted that he knows things have changed but it was just an example. I jumped in and said that on my street we had street lights and once they came on, our butts better be in the house. Yeah, I pulled the "nearly oldest guy in the room" card. But I guess the DoS was trying to point out to Jimmy that we're pretty permissive as parents go and that he should understand that. In a subtle way I think he was asking Jimmy what does he have to complain about.

The HS jumped in and asked a few questions and then asked if she could take Jimmy to her office and talk to him for 15 mins. We said sure, no problem...hopefully he'll talk to you because he sure won't talk to us. So we sat with the GC and DoS for a while still talking. After about 15 mins or so, the HS & kid came back. She asked if she could start seeing him regularly to try and work through things with an eye towards him coming home. We said sure, no problem.

So that's kind of where things were left...the school is being understanding about not giving him the boot right away. They can, I guess, give him the boot because he's not living at home. The principal has a rep for not being the most understanding woman among educators. I like people who are strict but sometimes you have to give some things a chance first. They (the GC and DoS) really want Jimmy to continue to go to school there and told him so, but they also said that if he pursues emancipation or flat out refuses to come home, he won't be allowed to stay in that school.

The HS already mentioned some compromise as an example, which I didn't really like but said nothing about because now wasn't the time. She said something about use wanting his GF to leave on weeknights by 10PM, while Jimmy would like here there until midnight or later. She said something about compromising to 11PM. fug that. Ain't gonna happen. My feeling is that I'm already being more than gracious allowing her to stay until 10PM, ESPECIALLY because I would normally have Jimmy in by 8:30PM on days when he rides his bike and doesn't see her. I don't give a poo...a school night is a school night and no one needs to have a GF over until 11PM or later. In fact, I believe his ass should be in bed by 10PM, not just saying goodbye to her for the night.

So...plenty of fight ahead, I think.

PS - Thanks to everyone for the kind words, we appreciate it.