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Ugghhh....what a friggin' day.

shinner

By shinner,
in Huddle Lounge

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Hawk Newbie

Hawk

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damn Shin...you are in a real tough position here aren't ya? I feel for you brother, I honestly do. I also have a lot of respect for how you are dealing with this and personally think you have played this extremely well. Its up to your son obviously how he plays his hand now, but I hope he realizes what a good deal he has at home and the importance of a family that cares and loves him. If not, I hope at least you can all salvage your relationship. Regardless of how much he might think you are wrong or that the girlfriend is the entire world etc., nothing is more important than family. Good luck my friend!

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5158Poundin Newbie

5158Poundin

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Well....here's a great big internet ((((hug))))).

I am really sad to see that your son continues to be so self-centered and stubborn but it's not a huge surprise for a teenager. I have seen it all in my family too and it was a bit dodgy for awhile with my niece who just turned 18 in January. She had the know-it-all attitude and was causing all kinds of family stress the past year. She's a good kid like your son but for some reason, can not always fully understand the impact of her actions. She will graduate this summer and go on to college but a lot of her selfishness has eaten away at some of her relationships within the family.

The positive note to this is she has taken a turn for the better and is showing some signs that she is growing up and actually heeding advice. She is butting heads constantly with her parents and grandparents but thankfully, she actually calls me a lot to talk about things and get advice and is actually seriously listening and considering it. This has been a change that has only happened in the last month. She's the daughter of my baby sister so I understand your frustration and worry. So keep connected through your sister and brother and calm persistence is working in my own family and will probably work in yours too. My sister ends up in screaming matches with her daughter where my niece just jets off and won't speak to her for days. They both come to me a lot to help mediate so at least they have that.

I am so sorry to see that it's continued to get so tough but it sounds to me that your wife and you are really good parents who give a crap and are doing what you can to help mold your son into a responsible, contributing adult. Unfortunately, he is like 99.9% of teenagers and their hormones (especially when there's a gf or bf) that are lead easily by the patch between their legs.

I will keep praying for you and hope you guys will find some peace and resolution that works for you all really soon.

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shinner Newbie

shinner

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Thanks for the kind words, everyone. I appreciate it.

I haven't spoke to my son since our meeting...not as much as a text message. If I don't hear from him by Tuesday or Wednesday I'll probably give him a call or send a text message to see if he's made any decision. I don't know if he likes the idea of doing his senior year at a new school (and a public one) so maybe that is in our favor. About the only real reaction I got from him when we talked, was when I said we would not pay for his last year in high school if he decides not to come home. But you never know....

If he does come home, my wife really wants to put the brakes on him...she's intent on not allowing him to see his gf during the week, only on weekends. That seems kind of excessive to me and will be quite Nazi-like in the eyes of my son....I already anticipate that. I expect that once he hears that, he will be back out the door. I would think every other day & weekends would be much more workable...and possibly something that my son wouldn't gripe too much about.

I don't really want to even think about the terms he'd have to agree to right now. I just want to see if he decides that he'd like to come home. Then, I'll tell him that the 3 of us need to sit down and hash out a set of rules he will have to agree to. Right now I just want to get him to the table.

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charlotte49er Newbie

charlotte49er

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Don't forget to talk with #2 Son while this is going on. I have seen where #2 Son gets ignored while #1 Son gets all the attention. (Or at least perceived he got ignored.)

Ask him what he thinks about all of this, assuming he knows what's going on. Reassure him that you and his Mom love him very much! That he should be able to come to one of you and tell you what's on his mind.

Don't assume he knows that you both love him during this time.

A friend of mine growing up went thru this with his family. #2 son ran away when #1 came back. He claimed it was because he didn't get any attention and felt left out. (Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!!) In my friends case, he eventually stayed with another family until he graduated from HS. (#2 did come back, BTW.)

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  • 3 weeks later...
shinner Newbie

shinner

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Nothing new really, GTG.....Last week he sent me a txt msg that said "so I'm considering it..." which I took to mean that he would be willing to talk about coming home. Was kind of excited and sent him a reply that he should come over so the 3 of us could talk and he sent me a reply to that which pretty much said "why? I'm not coming home". Felt pretty deflated but I played it off like I misunderstood. Since then, nothing really...he's pretty adamant that he doesn't want to come home and will look into emancipation.

My wife has really gone from sad to pissed. She wants to force him to come home which I think is a bad idea because it's only going to piss him off and he'd most likely disappear the first time he was let out of the house (to see his gf, ride his bike or even go to school...just whenever).

The other night Brogan must have been missing him a lot because he was crying when he went to bed. My wife talked to him and settled him down. 99% of the time he's ok, but every once in a while he really misses his big brother. Little League practice just started last week so that will keep him busy and hopefully take his mind off it. He plays with a kid down the street who's a few years younger....this kid told him the other day that he would be his brother. His family knows Jimmy well and have taken him to dirt track races and camping.

Anyway...my wife sent Jimmy a txt msg about this and he was a total a-hole about it saying things like "sucks to cry yourself asleep" and such. He claims he has done it regularly...and we were the cause which I don't understand since we were very accommodating to the things he wanted to do. But he wants to play the victim role, so....but he was just a total jerk.

School called this morning....he's not there again today. Said he's missed 5 days in the past couple of weeks and they want to know what's going on and if we even know about it. I need to call back but I don't know what I should tell them.

I think the only way he'll come home is if the judge doesn't grant him emancipation. If that happens there's no way he's going to continue to live outside of our control as long as we're responsible for him.

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