Ugghhh....what a friggin' day.

[shinner]

Was in RI all week working. Drove home last night (a lot of snow all through CT so I didn't actually get home until about 1AM). Woke up around 11 this morning with a blaring migraine. Took medicine, layed on the couch. Wife came through the door unexpectedly around 1PM (dr.'s office she works at closed early). Talked a bit...she informed me that while I was gone, son #1 (17) was going through some poo with his GF. She talked to him a while to listen to his problems.

At some point in the conversation she asked him the question...and he said yes, they had sex in the past month. So, all in all I imagine she's got him twisted around her little finger. Anyway...they (son & gf) had been here last night and despite the normal rule of her leaving at 10PM, somehow she was allowed to stay here until midnight at which point he walked outside with her to her car. They "talked" another 40 minutes outside. Which means he came in the house about 15 minutes before I got home. I didn't realize he was in the bathroom when I got home and went upstairs to unpack and go to bed. Wife came to bed about 20 mins later raging about him. Told me the whole story. Last thing she says is she told him he was NOT seeing her tonight.

Fast forward to 5PM....wife doesn't know what she wants to cook for dinner so I said I wanted to go out to BWW for some wings. Son #1 is downstairs in his room, son #2 is playing down the street. She goes down to tell son #1 we're going out to eat, get ready. About 10 mins later she comes upstairs and I ask what the holdup is. She says, no holdup. I ask whadda ya mean? She says she's not arguing "with him"....so I go downstairs to tell him to get his ass in gear...at which point he says "I'm not going, she's already coming over." I said, oh really? Give me your house keys and pack your poo. If you're going, you're not coming back. Why? Because you were told you were not allowed to see her and you gave us the finger by telling her to come over because you figure you're going to do whatever the hell you want to do. This, BTW, is a common occurrence with this kid...this is one in a series of many instances. So I told him to find his keys, pack his poo and get out, I've had enough of his lack of respect for us.

10 mins later I go back down. His bedroom is dark and he's under the covers. Turn the light on and ask what the hell is going on. He says nothing, he's not going. I said bullshit, you are going, where are the keys. He conveniently doesn't know where they are until I threaten to put a knife in the tires on his beloved bicycle (yeah, a 17 year old who treasures his bike over anything else in the world...and then he wonders why he's not allowed to drive a car). Magically the keys appear. I tell him one more time to get his poo and get out...and go back upstairs.

About 30 minutes later he comes up the steps with his bike, his guitar on his back and a packed gym bag. He walks out the door without saying a word. Not a "I hate you" or a "Go fug yourself, asshole." Nothing. I heard what sounded like him getting in what I believe was his GF's truck.

So, now my first born has been booted out of the house and even though it's tearing me up inside I am not giving in to this bullshit. My son has respect for everyone outside of this house but none for either me or his mother. His friend's parents think he's a great kid. His religion teacher at school thinks he's a great kid. But here he's nothing but a selfish little bastard. And I'm sorry, I don't buy the crap about him being a typical teenager. If every other kid at his school behaves this way and is allowed to have a job, a driver's license and their own car, then their parents must be happy being treated like doormats.

My wife was upstairs crying in the dark. We talked a bit about things. I think she was more worried that he's out on the street alone...but I know my son, if he didn't have somewhere to go, he wouldn't have left.

He's either planning on staying at his GF's house or he went to his best friend's house which is probably less than a mile from here. His friend's mother thinks Jimmy is just perfect...because he acts correctly around her. She has no idea how he is at home. I doubt he's there though because I think she would have called by now. She teaches at the school son #2 goes to and we are friendly with her and her husband. My guess is he's going to spend at least the weekend at his GF's house and then try to get in with his buddy's house...can't imagine his GF driving him to school and picking him up each day as she lives 30 mins away and has to go to school, herself (she goes to high school near her house). Or maybe he just won't give a poo about school. Guess we'll know on Monday if the school calls to ask why he's absent. If he thinks he's gonna skip school and ride around on his bike, that won't last long...cops out here will still stop and pick up a kid on truancy.

All I've ever asked of this kid is to show us respect and get good grades. If he would have done that, we would have given him the world (and he got a hell of a lot as it was). I am not wrong for wanting this and I'll be damned if I'm gonna chase after him. He can have all the independence he wants, let him see how life will treat him without mom and dad taking care of all his needs. Maybe he's more resourceful than I think and we won't hear from him...or maybe we'll see him before the weekend is over.

This isn't going to be a fun night....I don't see myself getting too much sleep.

[Mr. Scot]

Ouch. Really sorry to hear that

Prayers from me.

[frash.exe]

That's rough, man. Sorry to hear.

So, now my first born has been booted out of the house and even though it's tearing me up inside I am not giving in to this bullsh*t. My son has respect for everyone outside of this house but none for either me or his mother. His friend's parents think he's a great kid. His religion teacher at school thinks he's a great kid. But here he's nothing but a selfish little bastard. And I'm sorry, I don't buy the crap about him being a typical teenager. If every other kid at his school behaves this way and is allowed to have a job, a driver's license and their own car, then their parents must be happy being treated like doormats.

sad to say, but that holds true for a lot of households. Some parents just willfully throw toys and cars and crap to their kids just to get them to shut up and be happy.

[shinner]

Ouch. Really sorry to hear that

Prayers from me.

Thanks man...my heart is in my throat since he left. I'm not concerned for his safety because I know he's not out on the street...I just hope he comes to his senses and realizes that he's wrong and will come home to talk about changing. It's painful to watch your son walk out the door like that even though you know it needs to be done.

[Kettle]

i feel for ya shinner. i know nothing yet of raising a child, but I do look back now, and see what I put my father through. never thought i'd say this, but i actually wish he had spanked me more. it was the thing that got his point across most, and it only hurt momentarily. the last time he did, i was 17. after i graduated HS was when i got in most of my trouble. if he had continued that method of discipline I probably never would have spent those couple nights in jail.

[shinner]

That's rough, man. Sorry to hear.

thanks....it's gonna be a long weekend, at least.

sad to say, but that holds true for a lot of households. Some parents just willfully throw toys and cars and crap to their kids just to get them to shut up and be happy.

that is pretty sad....I was gonna say I know some of his friends from school and they're good kids but what the hell do I know, their parents think my son is a good kid.

[shinner]

i feel for ya shinner. i know nothing yet of raising a child, but I do look back now, and see what I put my father through. never thought i'd say this, but i actually wish he had spanked me more. it was the thing that got his point across most, and it only hurt momentarily. the last time he did, i was 17. after i graduated HS was when i got in most of my trouble. if he had continued that method of discipline I probably never would have spent those couple nights in jail.

This makes me wish I woulda figured out how to enable gps tracking on his cellphone. It's not like I don't love or care about him (even though I know he thinks I don't)...I just hit a breaking point tonight. I've always thought I was a shitty parent...this probably confirms it.

[Skew]

shinner, I know you are feeling like poo, pissed off, and heart broken all at the same time.

But I hope this makes you feel a little bit better about the situation.

And I'll give the short version. I don't won't to write a book

Me: I was just like your son at his age.

-nice to adults outside.

-disrespected my parents. -bad grades -rude to parents -pot -had parties when parents out of town.

Then had the party to end all parties (I still deny events that took place)

-parents threw me out. -moved in with a friend's older sister living alone. -got a labor job. -and just worked, nothing else, just to pay bills.

-later parents said they would pay tution at the comunity college to get my HS diploma.

-did it, and the parents said if I could get into a college, they would pay tution.

-got into Lenoir Rhyan and studied my ass off the first year to be able to transfer to NCSU.

-Graduated NCSU with an Accounting degree, making the Deans List last two semister.

-a great accounting job now I've had over 10 years.

And I told my parents that the two of them kicking my out of the house that night was the best thing that ever happenned to me. And I told them before I got my HS diploma.

[Darth Biscuit]

This makes me wish I woulda figured out how to enable gps tracking on his cellphone. It's not like I don't love or care about him (even though I know he thinks I don't)...I just hit a breaking point tonight. I've always thought I was a sh*tty parent...this probably confirms it.

Nah, sometimes it doesn't matter what a parent does, kids just come out different that you had hoped/expected. Hopefully he'll sit down and realize that it's serious time now that he's almost an adult and stop giving you the sh*t. I hope it works out for all.

[Mr. Scot]

Any one of us that says they didn't pull a dumbass stunt (or two) when they were young is lying.

[dimbee]

Shinner, bro, I'm very sorry to hear of your struggles. I don't know what to say other than to stay strong and stay the strong father that you are. I know it ain't easy being a dad and just know that I hope everything pulls through for the best.

[Skew]

This makes me wish I woulda figured out how to enable gps tracking on his cellphone. It's not like I don't love or care about him (even though I know he thinks I don't)...I just hit a breaking point tonight. I've always thought I was a sh*tty parent...this probably confirms it.

When my parents threw me out, this is how my parents said it:

"It's not that we don't love you because we do very much. And it doesn't mean that you can't visit, because you will always be welcomed here. And we will still help if we can on anything.

But if you can not live by the rules of this house then you can not live in this house. If you want to live by your parents rules in this house, you are welcome to stay.

But by your actions of disobaying the rules of this house, you can not stay here.

We will still love you always, but until you can respect us in our house, you can not stay here."

That's how it went with me.

[shinner]

But I hope this makes you feel a little bit better about the situation.

Actually, I'm a mess...his picture is right above the TV and every time I catch a glimpse of it I break down a little.

And I told my parents that the two of them kicking my out of the house that night was the best thing that ever happenned to me. And I told them before I got my HS diploma.

I hope this turns out the same but right now it's killing me. I feel like there's a softball stuck in my throat.

Nah, sometimes it doesn't matter what a parent does, kids just come out different that you had hoped/expected. Hopefully he'll sit down and realize that it's serious time now that he's almost an adult and stop giving you the sh*t. I hope it works out for all.

Thanks...I hope it works out.

Shinner, bro, I'm very sorry to hear of your struggles. I don't know what to say other than to stay strong and stay the strong father that you are. I know it ain't easy being a dad and just know that I hope everything pulls through for the best.

Thanks man...

When my parents threw me out, this is how my parents said it:

"It's not that we don't love you because we do very much. And it doesn't mean that you can't visit, because you will always be welcomed here. And we will still help if we can on anything.

But if you can not live by the rules of this house then you can not live in this house. If you want to live by your parents rules in this house, you are welcome to stay.

But by your actions of disobaying the rules of this house, you can not stay here.

We will still love you always, but until you can respect us in our house, you can not stay here."

That's how it went with me.

Hey Skew...I wish I coulda been that eloquent...but I was in his face, maybe 2-3" away screaming at him that I'd had enough of his poo and to get the fug out. It's not like he hasn't heard me curse before but they just kinda fly out when I'm really pissed off. That's what I mean about being a shitty parent....I shouda said things like your parents did but I just blew up. We've had the "if you can't live by our rules" conversation (a few times...and in a normal speaking voice) before but he just doesn't seem to get it. His most often used phrase is "why can't you just leave me alone"...and not as a way to shrug off the conversation, but as a serious question. My son has a very unique outlook on how the world is and soon enough he's going to have his eyes open and realize his parents weren't full of poo when they tried to tell him.

[Matt Foley]

Shinner, you wouldn't be a good father if you didn't make your kid obey the rules. And you wouldn't be a good human being if you didn't feel the way you do now. It will all turn out for the best. Next time you see him, make sure he understands that it is hurting you as much as it's hurting him, but stick to your guns.