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Is it possible...

lightsout

By lightsout,
in Huddle Lounge

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lightsout Grand Master

lightsout

Posted
Posted

to be both "nice" and "honest" 100% of the time? I was just told by my girlfriend that it is, yet, she says I am mean to people just because they are idiots who happen to be wrong. Yes. No, really, that is what she said. Then the whole "I don't know what attracted me to you" comment about my "meanness" wasn't exactly good form on her part. Just BS that it is ok to say that, and it's not mean, yet I tell somebody they are wrong and present EVIDENCE that they are that cannot be denied, and I'm just plain old mean? WTF can I do? Just not give a fresh opinion? I mean, if somebody says something, unprovoked, just start spewing their opinions and ideas with nobody really curious, does it really matter at that point what I say? God she is frustrating.

:rant:

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boo7382 Newbie

boo7382

Posted
Posted

lol at you coming on here after you fight with ur gf to vent. Heres my 2 cents

Im the same way as you, when people are wrong, they are wrong, and you have a right to correct them.

What she's saying is you are going about it too harshly and maybe making them feel insulted instead of saying something like "although I respect your opinion, this this and that" or "you have some good points, but..."

she might just feel like the way the words come out of your mouth comes off as you being an asshole and she doesn't want everyone to think her boyfriend is an asshole.She wants everyone to see you the way that she sees you.

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Delhommey Newbie

Delhommey

Posted
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Men are projects for women to "fix" and she's found something to start working on.

Two things can happen here:

1. You don't change and she becomes fed up with you. She will then store this frustration, keep it festering in her soul for 6 months and then bring that fermented anger back up in a totally unrelated argument without explaining why leaving you baffled at how she could be so mad at you for drinking orange juice directly out of the carton.

2. You work hard at making the change and she starts to think you're kinda boring as there's nothing to fix (not to mention you may be a push over) and she goes off and sleeps with her ex boyfriend as she's not feeling emotionally stimulated.

Choose option 1.

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CharlotteBeer.com Newbie

CharlotteBeer.com

Posted
Posted

I'm not sure it's possible, but if it is your life would be much worse for it.

I consider myself a very nice person, but my wife gets really upset when I'm "mean" as well. It's mainly when I'm driving and I get furious about how other people are driving; or just when I get angry about people being idiots. I think it's healthy to vent a little, but I've learned that I don't have to say something everytime I'm pissed off.

You have to pick your battles; know when to internalize your anger, and when to externalize it.

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LifeisaGarden Newbie

LifeisaGarden

Posted
Posted

I think it's possible to be honest and say it nicely. Sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes I choose to mind my own business and keep my mouth shut if I think it will hurt the other person especially if they didn't ask me for my honesty.

Sometimes it's better to be quiet than to be right.

she says I am mean to people just because they are idiots who happen to be wrong.

If they truly are idiots don't waste your energy on them, they won't get it anyway.

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