Need help with a letter

[sunbunny]

I need help writing a letter begging for money. I can either email what I have so far, or just paste it here. I'm stumped on one sentence.

The letter is for donations to my son's band program. My kid and his friend are busting their asses trying to get donations for new instruments and a trailer to haul the drum pit to competitions.

[Matt Foley]

Start with the word "Dear"

[sunbunny]

I got that far. LOL I'll paste the body of the letter here. I really need feedback.

[sunbunny]

Thank you for agreeing to support the students of the James B Hunt High School Band.

Your contributions are vital. The funds raised support and supplement the classroom education that our students receive. The band program needs new instruments, payment of competition fees, and a cargo trailer to transport instruments for competitions. The students are also hoping to take a trip, a trip that many would not have the opportunity to take otherwise. The money we raise this year will go towards this effort, with the hope that next year we will be able to continue to grow into a (I need help here)

We thank you for your generous donation today to help us build for the future.

Sincerely,

[Zcustom]

what are you looking to grow the band program into??

World class musicians?

the best high school band in the state?

[TheSaint]

Hello My Dearest,

I am Dr Razaik Adams, a banker with the above mentioned bank in Ouagadougou Burkina Faso in West Africa

[sunbunny]

That's what I was stuck on. They'd be happy with better instruments.

A little background on the band program. There's not been a director for six years. Mason came on board last year and is basically starting from scratch. The drums, oh lord, the drums. Spent all day yesterday cleaning the "new" drums. Today we paint. But, they're better than the 20 year old set they were using. I had to clean GUM off 3rd bass.

[Carolina Husker]

Just transcribe this.

[pstall]

Also check in to Mike Huckabee the formerg Gov. I know he is a big proponet of music for students. He might have a foundation that helps.

[Zcustom]

.....growing into a legitimate competition band capable of winning first place and becoming the pride of Johnston County.

???

[PanthaSan]

"grow into one of the more prestigious High School bands in (your state). Our eventual goal is to one day represent (your state) in the Tournament of Roses Parade in Pasadena, California."

That or,

Give us the friggin money, don't ask questions and we won't torch your house....

[pstall]

Oh, also talk about the enrichment that comes from the programs and the impact on the kids and the goals they can set, skills they can learn and it keeps them doing something positive.

[sunbunny]

Thanks pstall! That's another thing I need help with; who to ask for donations. So far, my husband got O'Reilly's auto parts, and my son got a local custom bike builder to donate.

Will any of the banks donate to schools?

[sunbunny]

.....growing into a legitimate competition band capable of winning first place and becoming the pride of Johnston County.

???

Well, other than the fact the school's Wilson County. LOL

Carmen came up with:

The money we raise this year will go towards this effort, with the hope that next year we will be able to continue to grow into a competitive unit able to expand the horizons of our young musicians.