Teen Step-son smoking pot

[The Saltman]

teens smoke pot because it gets them high...thats why i did it.

[The Link]

teens smoke pot because it gets them high...thats why i did it.

Pretty much this.

[CharlotteBeer.com]

Still waiting for Meat to make that "Teen Steps On Smoking Pot" thread.

[Guild]

I've met a lot. None were very open with their parents; so now this has devolved into a checken or egg argument.

Are teens not open with their parents because they smoke pot? Or do teens smoke pot because they aren't open with their parent? I argue the latter.

Neither.

Teens aren't open with their parents because their parents are likely not able to relate very well with them. Teens smoke pot because it gets them high and being high feels good.

[Captroop]

Neither.

Teens aren't open with their parents because their parents are likely not able to relate very well with them. Teens smoke pot because it gets them high and being high feels good.

Actually, I would say that not talking to your parents because of a perceived notion that they couldn't relate falls under, "they aren't open with their parents because they smoke pot." Although, I should clarify that I meant that the kids aren't open on the subject of drug use because they smoke pot; I wasn't alleging that pot makes kids shut out their parents. So you were right to say that's not an accurate statement.

But, if a child feels that they can't talk to their parents about something like drug use, then it goes back to my original statement that the parents have created a household devoid of trust.

[Scrumtrilescent]

Neither.

Teens aren't open with their parents because their parents are likely not able to relate very well with them. Teens smoke pot because it gets them high and being high feels good.

I was more open with my parents when I was a teenager than I am now.

Of course my parents were hippies and rockers so they were always understanding.

[Guild]

I was more open with my parents when I was a teenager than I am now.

Of course my parents were hippies and rockers so they were always understanding.

Pass me that joint son?

[Scrumtrilescent]

We are an alcohol oriented family, Dad's asthma and all.

[o803oVaDeR]

Kids aren't open with their folks about drugs because we parents have taught them that we are fairly intolerant of willful disregard for the laws/rules.

From the time when they were toddlers and they got time out for pulling the cats tail after they were told not to, to them having TV privileges taken away for going in the neighbors house without asking first, to getting grounded for staying out past curfew, we have set a standard. Break the rules and there will be punishment. Once they are presented with the chance to smoke weed after years and years of being told it will ruin their lives and will lead to a life of crime and prison they sure as hell are not going to rat themselves out.

They are afraid of the consequences pure and simple.

Breaking through that fear in a way that lets them know you're not going to behead them for a mistake (or even a repeated one) without condoning the behavior is the trick. Once you can do you get benefits like that knowing what drugs their friends are doing and how often. Like getting told BEFORE they go to a party that there will be drugs and underage drinking. Like getting to know who's folks are out of town and where the party is. Like learning before its too late that their boyfriend/girlfriend/best friend has stepped up to needles.

All the while holding the line on the standard of behavior that you expect them to live up to.

Very well put sir!

[Captroop]

Breaking through that fear in a way that lets them know you're not going to behead them for a mistake (or even a repeated one) without condoning the behavior is the trick. Once you can do you get benefits like that knowing what drugs their friends are doing and how often. Like getting told BEFORE they go to a party that there will be drugs and underage drinking. Like getting to know who's folks are out of town and where the party is. Like learning before its too late that their boyfriend/girlfriend/best friend has stepped up to needles.

All the while holding the line on the standard of behavior that you expect them to live up to.

This is the sort of household I grew up in, and it absolutely worked out for the best.

[SmootsDaddy89]

I think you handled it extremely well. Good job on not going the Alpha Male route.

MY HOUSE, MY RULES. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[Kettle]

i think smoking at home is the best way to go. just be prepared with all your refreshments and munchie food as well as entertainment before hand. reaction time suffers a great deal so you definitely don't want to be driving somewhere to get high, and then drive somewhere else after.

my dad was the Alpha male type, and had he not been(meaning he just asked me to not be high in the streets) i could have stayed home and not gotten into the little bit of trouble that I did when i was young.

[SorthNarolina]

Ok so I finally got some 1 on 1 time with the boy last night. I told him I needed to ask him something, and that it would stay between us. I told him to not lie to me because it would cause things to become worse. So then I asked him if he was smoking pot. He paused for a long time, and then said yes. I was very appreciative of his honesty and I know it took a lot of guts to do that. And I let him know that. Then he asked how I knew. I told him I had smelled it on him and in his room before, which is true, but I did not tell him I found anything in his room. Left that part out. I let him know how disappointed I was, and that I really did not expect him to go down this path. He told me he had been doing it sense last summer. I was shocked and I said you did a good job of hiding it for a long time. He told me where he messed up was he started doing it in his room a few times. I let him know it was not ok with me, and I wanted him to stop. I told him it was completely up to him, and I knew I could not make him stop. I also told him that his mother would eventually find out. Everything eventually comes out. I let him know that if and when she did find out things would get really bad. I am sure she would take all his friends down with him. She would be calling all his friends parents and telling them she caught him. I then told him to tell all his friends that I knew and would not tolerate it in my house. They need to leave it at home when they come over. I told him I would not be supportive of him going anywhere unsupervised with friends, and that I would not let him get his drivers license until I felt like he was not doing it anymore. I told him if something were to happen to you or your friends because you were high, it would be my fault for not stepping in harder and forcing you to stop. So he listened and was very respectful. He seemed like he was genuinely upset that I was disappointed in him. I ended with telling him I had enough respect for him to come to him and talk about it privately like an adult, and that I hoped he had enough respect for me to honor my request that he stop.

That sounds like a great way to handle it. Good job. The earlier you talk to him about it the less likely he is to go to harder drugs.

I would also make him update you on if his friends are doing harder drugs. Because if he's got a lot of friends who smoke weed, some of them are going to do harder drugs. It's just inevitable. You cannot let him do harder drugs.

Make sure he knows that after 18 he is screwed if he gets caught with pot. After that it's permanent. Don't lie to him but heavily emphasize how it can ruin his life.

[bleys]

I don't think shutting out your parents and not involving them in future decisions simply because thye laid down the laws of the house, can be entirely chalked up to teenage rebellion.

I don't know what term we want to use or how deep it would go, but I've been where this kid has been.. not once did I ever stop smoking because they were disappointed in me. It is not a reflection of the parent not doing their job.

a kid is going to do what they want, flat out... any other view I have read here is simply wishful thinking or forgetting what it was like back in the day.

I never included my parents more in a situation when they found out... I always got more careful about them finding out.

thats just the way it is...

because a parent disapproves and lays down the law does NOT mean the kid is going to stop... any other theory is wishful thinking.

a few kids may quit, but that doesn't mean all kids will.

I agree with Inimicus' methods with his daughter... one of my good friends parents growing up in the neighborhood were a lot like that. I can tell you I saw both methods and although parents think they NEED to lay down the law and that it's just the right thing to do.. and no matter how much it tears at you, his parents got all the truth from us and well, the rest of our parents stayed out of hte loop.. unless of course the 1 time we got caught and said we'd stop.

edit: I grew up in a typical environment and wasn't overly rebellious for independence, attention, etc..