Not usually one to post somthing like this

[Doc Holiday]

But I'm at my wits end when it comes to my younger brother, just to give some background my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer one year ago today(ani doesn't have anything to do with my issues with my brother) and passed away back in December, this time last year my brother was about go through Basic with the army and I was left with the task of having to run my families buisness ready or not, and found out that I had some growing up to do very quickly.

Well the past year was rough my dad passed away, but thanks to God's good grace we've made it through so far still on our feet. We decided before my dad passed that we wouldn't be taking on anymore buisness and will close after we finish our current project.

But my brother on the other hand has been a pain in my ass ever since he started working with me again in January, I would think that he would be understanding of the situation that we have gone through and to a certaint are still going through due to everything that went on with our Dad.

But I guess not so far my brothers temperment reflects that of a 2 year old child, I've had to go way out of my way to not piss him off, if he was a regular worker I would have fired him by now.

So how would you deal with a brother that needs to man up and you can't fire because you need his help, and he knows that you can't fire him and acts like an ass towards you because of that.

(sorry just needed to let some steam off)

[zebrainz]

Put him in charge of something and hold him responsible. "Special Projects Coordinator" is usually a good way to think about using him and giving him limited power. If he accepts responsibility, siphon some of the real load off onto him. If he doesn't? Keep giving him harmless stuff. At least he'll be out of your hair.

Right, wrong or indifferent, most family members working in a family owned business have a sense of entitlement. I've worked for a couple of family run businesses and can tell you that as an employee, a certain amount of entitlement is expected by the non-family employees. The family members tend to view themselves more as "junior partners" than actual worker bees. The "Special Projects" method above is what my wife's current boss is doing with his daughter. She was utterly useless for anything she felt was "below her station" when she started. She's starting to come around now that she gets to feel like she's in charge of something. Pretty soon she will be a valuable asset to the company.

Also, bear in mind that sometimes, family members are simply unable to get along running a business. My 81 year old mother still doesn't speak to her 77 year old sister (the reverse is also true) because of a dispute they had over a retail store they owned together back in the early 80s. One viewed herself as completely in charge (75% investment), the other viewed it as an equal partners operation (25% investment). There was a compromise that should have been reached there, but they were both too stubborn to do it. They bad mouth each other to this day (in a little old lady "bless your heart" kind of way). They both took a pretty serious loss when they ended up selling the business because they could agree on how to run it. Sometimes keeping the family together is more important than the business, only you (and your brother) can make that call.

Meh, my two cents. From your description of your situation you may not have enough time to reap the benefits from this method. I will say that in my youth, the method would have been more of a "throw that young'n in the pool and see if he can swim, if he doan drown, we can use him" experience, but that method seldom works for today's youth. Didn't work all that well back then, to be honest. Hope this helps.

[PeteRozelle]

First and foremost, sorry for your loss.. I went through the same thing recently, and yes, a family business was involved as well.. It makes a difficult time even more difficult.

Looking at your situation from the outside, quite simply, I would fire him. Remember this line, good help is hard to find, but average help isn't. If he really is making your life difficult, its not worth it to you. He can be replaced, maybe with someone with less experience, but at least it will be someone that can respect you.

Now the hard part, I didnt or couldnt do what I just suggested to you. I didnt have it in me. So I just sucked it up. We eventually got through it, but it put a massive strain or our relationship, and to this day, we still argue about things that transpired during our time working together.

Now, I feel, had I had cut ties earlier, we would get along better today. Sure, his initial reaction will be a lot of anger, but that usually blows off pretty fast. Its the constant arguing and grind that builds resentment to one another that becomes hard to repair.

Maybe give him a notice to find a job, so he can land easier, chances are he will be upset enough that he wont even take you up on that, but at least the olive branch has been extended. Be sure to stick to your timetable if you do offer it though.

The one thing I was fortunate enough to have was PATIENCE, and and incredible amount of forgiveness, I had to tell myself EVERYDAY, that his actions are him expressing his anger of losing our father. True, I didnt react that way, but everyone reacts and deals with things differently. Be the better person and "help" him get though this, and by all means keep an open dialog.

Good Luck

pete

[Jeff L]

Sorry for the loss of your dad... Hope you and your family are getting through it the best you can.

People grieve differently... Maybe your brother is having a tougher time dealing with the death of your dad and doesn't know how to deal with it. That being said, it does not give him a reason to act like an ass. Talk to him and find out what his deal is... Tell him that you can not deal with the way he is acting and that for the sake of the business he needs to get his act together. If he doesn't want to act like an adult, you might have to treat him like a child.

Without knowing everything that is going on that is the best advice I can give. There might come a time where you have to decide what is more important; your relationship with your brother or the business.

Good luck! Let us know how it turns out!

[Carolina Husker]

Bang his sister.

[STIFFPAWED]

Bang his sister.

Yeahhhh.......wait...Nooooo!

[Doc Holiday]

Sorry for the loss of your dad... Hope you and your family are getting through it the best you can.

People grieve differently... Maybe your brother is having a tougher time dealing with the death of your dad and doesn't know how to deal with it. That being said, it does not give him a reason to act like an ass. Talk to him and find out what his deal is... Tell him that you can not deal with the way he is acting and that for the sake of the business he needs to get his act together. If he doesn't want to act like an adult, you might have to treat him like a child.

Without knowing everything that is going on that is the best advice I can give. There might come a time where you have to decide what is more important; your relationship with your brother or the business.

Good luck! Let us know how it turns out!

Well some of the stuff the other guys mentioned won't really work, because of a couple of reasons one being, we will probably stay opened for another month at the most(planned closing not forced) making firing him cause more trouble then its worth.

And he's 21 (I'm 24) and always been kind of an ass and a hot head, he'll admit that himself and I thought that as you mentioned that he was just have a hard time with our Dad passing and Ive ignored some of it because of that. But on days like yesterday he crossed the line, and I've tried telling him on several ocassions that he's been acting like a child, but I think he thinks it's more of me just chewing him out instead of me litterally meaning that he's acting like a baby.

Today he was much better though so maybe something sank in, but I wonder.

[pstall]

If you are going to close up shop, try to have a talk or such to bridge the gap but just grin and bear it a little while longer and move on.

Family or even being close friends and trying to run a biz is uber tough.

He could be jealous of you and not know how to communicate it or reconcile it.

[Hawk]

sorry for your loss...and ya...if it's a month...quietly put up with it and then let things move on.

I personally don't think money and family/work ever makes for a good mix.

[PeteRozelle]

Yes, I agree... with that little amount of time left, just deal with it...

pete

[Zaximus]

Hire me because I'm jobless and we'll keep your business going.yeah!

[Happy Panther]

who owns the company?

[Snake]

If you are going to close up shop, try to have a talk or such to bridge the gap but just grin and bear it a little while longer and move on.

Family or even being close friends and trying to run a biz is uber tough.

He could be jealous of you and not know how to communicate it or reconcile it.

This..... Hang in there it will be over in a month and yall can go your separate ways. Working with Fam is prob the hardest thing you can do.

[God]

Are you gay and do you run a funeral home?