Laws of Golf

[SCP]

Print these out, write them down, put them in your bag.

LAW 1:

No matter how bad your last shot was, you

should have Inner peace knowing that a shi*tier

one is yet to come. (This law does not expire on

the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural

tendency to extend over the course of a

tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.)

LAW 2:

Your best round of golf will be followed almost

immediately by your worst round ever. The

probability of the latter increases with the

number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3:

Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. (Though

this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact

that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater

its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have

been known to be partly made with this most

unusual natural alloy.)

LAW 4:

Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play.

If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the

universe and should be cut down..

LAW 5:

No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all

His playing partners must solemnly chant "You

looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.

LAW 6:

The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified

he deems himself as an instructor.

LAW 7:

Every par-three hole in the world has a secret

desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole,

the greater its desire..

LAW 8:

Palm trees eat golf balls.

LAW 9:

Sand is alive. It will swallow your balls.

LAW 10:

A golfer hitting into your group will always be

bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a

group you accidentally hit into will consist of a

football player, a professional wrestler, a

convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some

similar combination.

LAW 11:

All 3-woods are demon-possessed .

LAW 12:

Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow

one another, particularly out of bounds or into the

water (See LAW 3).

LAW 13:

A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

LAW 14:

The person you would most hate to lose to will

always be the one who beats you.

LAW 15 :

The last three holes of a round will automatically

adjust your score to what it really should be.

LAW 16:

Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 17:

All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only

until the sunset.

LAW 18:

Since bad shots come in groups of three, your

fourth consecutive bad shot is really the beginning

of the next group of three.

LAW 19:

When you look up and cause an awful shot, you

will always look down again at exactly the

moment when you should have continued

watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

LAW 20:

The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to

share his ideas about your swing.

LAW 21:

If it isn't broke, try changing your grip.

LAW 22:

Golfers who claim they don't cheat, also lie.

LAW 23:

A golf match is a test of your skill against your

opponent's luck.

LAW 24:

It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when

you lie 8.

LAW 25:

Counting on your opponent to inform you when he

breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of

his own haircut.

LAW 26:

Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

LAW 27:

It's not a gimme if you're still away.

LAW 28:

The shortest distance between any two points on

a golf course is a straight line that passes directly

through the center of a very large tree.

LAW 29:

You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time,

and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.

LAW 30:

Every Time a golfer makes a birdie, he must

subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore

the fundamental equilibrium of the Universe.

LAW 31:

If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods

does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.

LAW 32:

There are two things you can learn by stopping

your backswing at the top and checking the

position of your hands: how many hands you have,

and which one is wearing the glove.

LAW 33:

Hazards attract; fairways repel.

LAW 34:

You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade"

on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.

LAW 35:

A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

LAW 36:

Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

[Darth Biscuit]

[SCP]

LAW 15 :

The last three holes of a round will automatically

adjust your score to what it really should be.

^^^^Truth

[Darth Biscuit]

^^^^Truth

Damn... that sucks too...

On our annual golf trip in 2008 we played St. James the last day... I am about a 10 handicap usually... I was +5 thru fifteen that day... I was stoked.

I got double-double-triple on 16-17-18 to finish... golf sucks, yet I keep playing.

[Captroop]

LAW 29:

You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time,

and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.

Painfully true.

Law 37:

The longest, straightest, most perfect drive of your life will end up is someone else's unrepaired divot. (true story)