Question about Child Support

[fitty76]

Sorry I don't have any divorce lawyer friends.  So I'm soliciting advice from where I can get it.  My ex and I have been divorced for 5 years.  I've been paying her $250 a month for child support.  (Not much, I know).  This is to pay for half of the kids healthcare and prescription for ADHD.  No big deal.  I lost my job recently.  She's letting the child support go until I find a new job.  (No problem).  But she wants the money when I start my new job.  She makes considerable more money than me probably around 4 times.  She has a 5 bedroom house and a house at the beach with a pool.  I have a 2000 sq ft townhouse.  She's been posting on social media about the renovations she's been making to her beach house.  She's there every weekend even with gas at $4.00 a gallon.  I told her she seems to be doing okay without the $250 and if maybe I could stop making the payments since it seems like she doesn't need it.  She says she does need it, and if we went to court I would be ordered to pay a lot more.  I'm wondering if I should call her bluff?  We currently have 50/50 custody of the kids.  I'm not sure why I should still have to pay for child support.  I'd like to keep that $250 and do something fun for the kids.

[Squirrel Gravy]

55 minutes ago, fitty76 said:

Sorry I don't have any divorce lawyer friends.  So I'm soliciting advice from where I can get it.  My ex and I have been divorced for 5 years.  I've been paying her $250 a month for child support.  (Not much, I know).  This is to pay for half of the kids healthcare and prescription for ADHD.  No big deal.  I lost my job recently.  She's letting the child support go until I find a new job.  (No problem).  But she wants the money when I start my new job.  She makes considerable more money than me probably around 4 times.  She has a 5 bedroom house and a house at the beach with a pool.  I have a 2000 sq ft townhouse.  She's been posting on social media about the renovations she's been making to her beach house.  She's there every weekend even with gas at $4.00 a gallon.  I told her she seems to be doing okay without the $250 and if maybe I could stop making the payments since it seems like she doesn't need it.  She says she does need it, and if we went to court I would be ordered to pay a lot more.  I'm wondering if I should call her bluff?  We currently have 50/50 custody of the kids.  I'm not sure why I should still have to pay for child support.  I'd like to keep that $250 and do something fun for the kids.

My advice is to keep paying it. What I would suggest doing different is to pay her the 3000 for the year when you get your tax refund. It will work out better having to deal with it once in a year rather than 12. She will also tell the kid how sorry you was and didn’t even want to pay child support even though you have payed it for 5 years. 250 is cheap, I divorced in 1998 and payed 400 then.

[thefuzz]

2 hours ago, fitty76 said:

Sorry I don't have any divorce lawyer friends.  So I'm soliciting advice from where I can get it.  My ex and I have been divorced for 5 years.  I've been paying her $250 a month for child support.  (Not much, I know).  This is to pay for half of the kids healthcare and prescription for ADHD.  No big deal.  I lost my job recently.  She's letting the child support go until I find a new job.  (No problem).  But she wants the money when I start my new job.  She makes considerable more money than me probably around 4 times.  She has a 5 bedroom house and a house at the beach with a pool.  I have a 2000 sq ft townhouse.  She's been posting on social media about the renovations she's been making to her beach house.  She's there every weekend even with gas at $4.00 a gallon.  I told her she seems to be doing okay without the $250 and if maybe I could stop making the payments since it seems like she doesn't need it.  She says she does need it, and if we went to court I would be ordered to pay a lot more.  I'm wondering if I should call her bluff?  We currently have 50/50 custody of the kids.  I'm not sure why I should still have to pay for child support.  I'd like to keep that $250 and do something fun for the kids.

Borrow money and pay it if needed...if you challenge, she can take you to the cleaners, or kiss your 50/50 goodby...the court may severely limit your custody.

She's being nice to you....accept that.

[Ja Rhule]

$250 will not even pay for a week of daycare these days

[LinvilleGorge]

46 minutes ago, thefuzz said:

Borrow money and pay it if needed...if you challenge, she can take you to the cleaners, or kiss your 50/50 goodby...the court may severely limit your custody.

She's being nice to you....accept that.

This. 

[motocross_cat]

Pay the money.  You don't want those problems.

[Floppin]

There's just a lot of yikes in this OP. Just pay the money my guy. 

[toldozer]

My opinion, that's your kid and you should want to take care of them.  Don't worry about what your ex has.  That 250 a month is helping YOUR CHILD.  you come off as a major pos in this post

[Raskle]

Sorry, but this isn't something you should just take advice on from strangers on a message board. It's too important in your own life and your kids' lives to do that. Google the heck out of the associated legislation. It's all out there on the internet and easily found. Only you can know what's best for you and your children. That said...

 

On 4/7/2022 at 2:52 PM, thefuzz said:

Borrow money and pay it if needed...if you challenge, she can take you to the cleaners, or kiss your 50/50 goodbye...the court may severely limit your custody.

She's being nice to you....accept that.

Actually, this is incorrect - custody and support are separate and distinct from each other. Just like a parent can't automatically expect visitation simply because they pay money, the reverse also holds true.

https://www.nccourts.gov/help-topics/family-and-children/child-custody#:~:text=A parent's custody rights do,in the child's best interests.

 

10 hours ago, toldozer said:

My opinion, that's your kid and you should want to take care of them.  Don't worry about what your ex has.  That 250 a month is helping YOUR CHILD.  you come off as a major pos in this post

Way to introduce your preconceived incorrect ideals into the discussion, which he doesn't even deserve. It's not cool to imply he doesn't want to take care of his children. If you'd noticed, he didn't say he wanted to hold on to the money because he's being vindictive or because he wants a new toy for himself. He said he thought about it in order to spend this money on doing fun things with his kids. The difference between directly providing fun/necessities himself versus having to hand money over for his ex to provide is zilch. It's still providing, and there's plenty of stories of the parent receiving the funds never explaining to their child that the other parent also helped provide, which can be a factor in the latter's relationship with the child deteriorating.

Plenty of non-custodial parents want to have a good relationship with their kids, and try their best to take care of their obligations. However, at one time or another, they may not be able to no matter how hard they try. It's difficult to get to a job to continue providing, when you have no money left to fill up your car with pricy gas; not to mention no substantial money for food, rent for a place to live, etc. The State doesn't care, it only cares about one thing - the parent fulfilling their court-ordered responsibilities. There's plenty of non-custodial parents not living up to that, so I'm not oblivious that there are jerks out there who skip town, but automatically assuming it's the intent here to me is wrong.

About the only thing I agree with is the statement that he should not worry what his ex has or hasn't. That, and he needs to get off social media for a while. It's inherently toxic to begin with, so including the emotions of a divorce and child disagreement will only increase any vitriol he might have, which could also affect his relationship with the children.

 

On 4/7/2022 at 3:09 PM, Ja Rhule said:

$250 will not even pay for a week of daycare these days

This is very true, along with an earlier post stating $250 a month is extremely cheap. It is. However, if you factor in that she is making four times as much money, it may be that she might actually owe him money if it were to go to the DCSE. OP, I'd use this calculator provided by NC State (assuming you're in NC, of course) to get a rough idea of your circumstances, and see what monthly amount you should be paying. It might even show that you are actually owed money by her. It's not exact science, but it is a decent approximation of how things might play out, should the government get involved.

https://ncchildsupport.ncdhhs.gov/ecoa/workSheetA.htm

 

13 hours ago, motocross_cat said:

Pay the money.  You don't want those problems.

DCSE is a complete nightmare hassle, and there's a good chance this could all blow up in your face. My suggestion is to self-educate by researching your rights, responsibilities, and what's best for the kids at the links I've provided above. You don't need to be a lawyer or know one to understand these basics of the process, and if you actually do have questions, they also have a help line to call for more info. It's up to you to figure out how you want to play this out, and no one can help you decide what you are willing to risk, but it does help to be armed with facts and knowledge when making that decision.

 

Ok, I'll get off my soapbox now. Sorry everyone, I don't normally preach post like this, but 'Father's Rights' is one of those things I feel strongly about, and I like to make sure information is being relayed that should help his relationship going forward.

[toldozer]

I'm not quoting all of that but the money goes towards medication and insurance.  Those are more important than "fun" things.  Also there are plenty of fun things you can do without money.  Also my man is living in a 2000 sq foot townhouse not a 300 square foot studio apartment.  I stand by what I said.   It's not 1500 bucks a month here were talking about,  it's 250 dollars FOR YOUR CHILD. That insurance and medication is used regardless of who the child is with so he should pay half.  It's not like he's paying to feed and cloth the child when they are in his custody and then also paying for half all that when the mom has custody. It's money medical expenses which should always be shared IMO. She's being super reasonable about their situation and to come on here and bitch is a very very bad look to me 

Edited April 9, 2022 by toldozer

[LinvilleGorge]

Honestly, the "fun stuff with the kids" seemed like it was thrown in at the end almost as an afterthought. He went with going after all the great stuff his ex has first and with a lot more energy. Just sayin'. The TS comes off looking really bad here IMO, perhaps unintentionally.

$250 a month in child support in 2022 seems like practically nothing. Regardless of the financial situation of your ex, you still bear some financial responsibility for your kids.

Thread deletion seems like a good idea. I'll do it if TS wants.

[motocross_cat]

Yea I mean not trying to come off as nasty but 250$ a month for you child man......come on.  If you see your child, idk what he or she is because you called it a "kid".  Sorta find that odd.  But if you see "it" regularly and get your rights.  Dude pay that money.  My sons daycare is that a WEEK. 

[Happy Panther]

Yeah pay it. But talk to a lawyer,

[uncfan888]

I have a stepson that my wife receives child support for. Even though we're well off, she spends every dime of that child support on him and his needs. Clothes, books for school, medicine. 

I say that to say this.. Just because your ex seems to be doing well, don't assume that your money isn't being applied directly to your child and their needs