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Tryin’ to make a roster out of Fitty cents (A Horn and a tackle)

SCP

By SCP,
in Carolina Panthers

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After the year we all just endured, it was an amazing gift finally getting rid of Marty Meatballs and now we have the return of the man myth and legend. Buckle up you beautiful sons a bitchs and get ready for this season. Win or lose we finally have something I haven't felt in a long time as a fan, hope. No more putting all your eggs in one basket and expecting to coast off your once in a lifetime QB as you run him into the ground, no more converting failed DTs to OL. How far we have come, and I can't wait to see what the future brings.

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OceanPanther Mentor

OceanPanther

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On 5/4/2021 at 10:12 AM, SCP said:

Have you ever watched a dog take a dump? They get in that awkward stance. The tail starts to tremble a little bit as the dog strains and the turtle starts to peek its head out of the brown eye. Sometimes the dog loses his balance and stumbles forward with a turd dangling and swinging ever so close to the dogs leg. Eventually the crap hits the grass and the dog walks off like nothing happened. Meanwhile the person walking the dog is left standing there staring at a pile of piping hot poop. She shamelessly pulls a bag over her hand before bending down to pick up the poop that just left the dogs digestive system. She then carries the poop until finding a receptacle where the poop can be deposited without offending her fellow humans.  It’s a scene that plays out daily and it’s a scene that played out at Mint and Morehead when Scott Fitterer walked into Marty Hurney’s office the day after he was hired.

Imagine being Fitty. You just accepted your dream job as the GM of an NFL team. The owner of the team is an aggressive and progressive guy that is willing to invest whatever it takes to win. State of the art facilities are being built. You get to live in the Carolinas, one of the countries most sought after regions to live and raise a family. You show up to the office on your first day and you go through all of the HR bulls*t and head to your office. You fling open the door to your new office and immediately step your size 13 Tecova boots into a huge pile of steaming Hurney poop that had been piling up over 15 years. The room reeks of Popov Vodka and meatballs and there are Trapper Keepers full of notes on 250 lb. Division III offensive tackles with 2nd round grades. Above the desk is a hand painted sign that reads “Strive for 7 wins, anything more is gravy!”. Needless to say, cleaning up a decade and a half of Martyocrity and Nippleshorts will take some work.

Enter 2021 Draft Season. What we witnessed this past weekend is something that we have never seen before in the history of this sub-.500 organization. Marty Hurney would have NEVER, and I mean NEVER EVER been able to do anything close to what Fitty Cent pulled off. We can argue the picks and passing on certain guys until the cows come home.  But I’d rather have 11 boneless wings than 6 bone-in wings. Marty was as worthless as a g-string bikini in Buffalo.  When Denim Boy rehired that doofus it was one of the dumbest moves in pro sports history. Then new ownership kept that clown on the payroll, one of Tepper’s biggest mistakes. Keeping Marty as GM is like building a new house and saying “Meh, a roof isn’t important.” 

This 2021 draft class might bust. This 2021 draft class might produce 6 to 8 starters. All I know is that sweet sumbitch Fitterer turned 7 picks into 11. This team has a player type now, something we never saw under that stupid f**king idiot, Marty. We are drafting athletes that competed at big schools. Athleticism is valued. Late round picks are not just throwing darts at the board like a drunken teenager. Late round picks build depth. You want to FINALLY have back-to-back winning seasons for the first time in franchise history? You build depth and you find guys that are dawgs who can fill in when a starter goes down. You find athletes that win on special teams. You don’t piss those picks away on garbage liquor like Hurney at an Applebee’s.

I loathe Hurney and I am so excited for the era that Fitty is ushering in. It finally feels like we are a real NFL team. We had a real strategy and we didn’t panic. We didn’t spend $90,000 on a 1989 Chrysler Le Baron convertible with spoke rims and a rusted out bumper and fading faux wood paneling. That’s the kind of sh*t Marty valued. He loved rolling up to the Sonic in a car that he couldn’t even roll the window down to place his order. He somehow thought that getting a guy like Edmund Kugbilla ws outsmarting the rest of the league. Turning over stones in the CFL and XFL was juice for him like he was some kind of wizard that knew something others didn’t. F**k Marty for life.  Fitterer is different, at least until he isn’t.

Thanks for listening. I hope Drew Brees’ retirement sucks.

Short Story :  A brief narrative, whos all constituent parts,  unite, to make one complete thought. 
Hoping to read  more during this next successful campaign on the B of A  turf 2021

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Panthero Mentor

Panthero

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On 5/4/2021 at 9:12 AM, SCP said:

Have you ever watched a dog take a dump? They get in that awkward stance. The tail starts to tremble a little bit as the dog strains and the turtle starts to peek its head out of the brown eye. Sometimes the dog loses his balance and stumbles forward with a turd dangling and swinging ever so close to the dogs leg. Eventually the crap hits the grass and the dog walks off like nothing happened. Meanwhile the person walking the dog is left standing there staring at a pile of piping hot poop. She shamelessly pulls a bag over her hand before bending down to pick up the poop that just left the dogs digestive system. She then carries the poop until finding a receptacle where the poop can be deposited without offending her fellow humans.  It’s a scene that plays out daily and it’s a scene that played out at Mint and Morehead when Scott Fitterer walked into Marty Hurney’s office the day after he was hired.

Imagine being Fitty. You just accepted your dream job as the GM of an NFL team. The owner of the team is an aggressive and progressive guy that is willing to invest whatever it takes to win. State of the art facilities are being built. You get to live in the Carolinas, one of the countries most sought after regions to live and raise a family. You show up to the office on your first day and you go through all of the HR bulls*t and head to your office. You fling open the door to your new office and immediately step your size 13 Tecova boots into a huge pile of steaming Hurney poop that had been piling up over 15 years. The room reeks of Popov Vodka and meatballs and there are Trapper Keepers full of notes on 250 lb. Division III offensive tackles with 2nd round grades. Above the desk is a hand painted sign that reads “Strive for 7 wins, anything more is gravy!”. Needless to say, cleaning up a decade and a half of Martyocrity and Nippleshorts will take some work.

Enter 2021 Draft Season. What we witnessed this past weekend is something that we have never seen before in the history of this sub-.500 organization. Marty Hurney would have NEVER, and I mean NEVER EVER been able to do anything close to what Fitty Cent pulled off. We can argue the picks and passing on certain guys until the cows come home.  But I’d rather have 11 boneless wings than 6 bone-in wings. Marty was as worthless as a g-string bikini in Buffalo.  When Denim Boy rehired that doofus it was one of the dumbest moves in pro sports history. Then new ownership kept that clown on the payroll, one of Tepper’s biggest mistakes. Keeping Marty as GM is like building a new house and saying “Meh, a roof isn’t important.” 

This 2021 draft class might bust. This 2021 draft class might produce 6 to 8 starters. All I know is that sweet sumbitch Fitterer turned 7 picks into 11. This team has a player type now, something we never saw under that stupid f**king idiot, Marty. We are drafting athletes that competed at big schools. Athleticism is valued. Late round picks are not just throwing darts at the board like a drunken teenager. Late round picks build depth. You want to FINALLY have back-to-back winning seasons for the first time in franchise history? You build depth and you find guys that are dawgs who can fill in when a starter goes down. You find athletes that win on special teams. You don’t piss those picks away on garbage liquor like Hurney at an Applebee’s.

I loathe Hurney and I am so excited for the era that Fitty is ushering in. It finally feels like we are a real NFL team. We had a real strategy and we didn’t panic. We didn’t spend $90,000 on a 1989 Chrysler Le Baron convertible with spoke rims and a rusted out bumper and fading faux wood paneling. That’s the kind of sh*t Marty valued. He loved rolling up to the Sonic in a car that he couldn’t even roll the window down to place his order. He somehow thought that getting a guy like Edmund Kugbilla ws outsmarting the rest of the league. Turning over stones in the CFL and XFL was juice for him like he was some kind of wizard that knew something others didn’t. F**k Marty for life.  Fitterer is different, at least until he isn’t.

Thanks for listening. I hope Drew Brees’ retirement sucks.

This man thinks like i want to think, talks like i want to talk, and fugs like i want to fug. 

Id feel bad for being so outclassed if i wasnt so inspired. michael fassbender drinking GIF

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