Does it matter?

[PurityControl]

My wife and I  had our first son at 31yr "Planned"  2nd son a year later "Unplanned"  I'm 39 now they are 8yr and 7yr.

I also eat healthy 90% of the time workout 6-7 times a week regular blood work "Healthy" 

And I wouldn't want to be 50yr with a 10yr 

I believe fatherhood is a young mans game, but that's just me , My 30's was the sweet spot for me.

[rayzor]

I didn't get married till I was 32 and we didn't have our first of two kids until I was 37 and second one at 44. My wife is 8 years younger than me so do the math on that one.

I got snipped after child #2 because that last pregnancy was kind of hard on my wife and I didn't want her to go through another one and didn't want her to have to be on birth control the rest of her life. She had gone through enough having the two kids so getting clipped myself seemed like the right course to take.

I have friends of mine that are my age who are grandparents (i'm about to turn 50 next year). After the second one was born I was holding my newborn I ran into this girl I used to hang out with when I was a teenager was holding her newborn grand daughter. talk about a weird situation. I said, "you know you want another one of these of your own" and she just laughed at me and then she asked me something that hit me kind of hard. She said, "Aren't you tired?" I was working 3rd shift at the time so I said "Of course i'm tired." But the more I thought about it, yeah....I don't have the energy I used to have. I'm not the energetic dad running around everywhere that I had when I was growing up. I hope I'm a better dad and at least wiser, but I also don't know if I'm as patient as I used to be or at least as care free as I used to be. 

Point is, I think that my perspective and the things I do as a dad is a bit different than that of someone a lot younger than me, but I can't put my finger on it exactly how or if I would be a better dad now or 20 something years ago. All I know is to do the best I can in the moment I'm in.

One thing that is very real to me is that I likely won't be around to see my grandkids, at least not for very long. I had one grandmother that died the year before I got married and I still had two grandparents alive to see me get married. I don't know if I'll be able to see that happen with my grandkids if I have them. Its just that the reality of the span of time that I've got left weighs on me a bit. The good thing is, it makes me appreciate all the days that I've got left with my kids and try to make the most of the time that I've got being a parent. That's not to say that younger parents don't do that. It's just that I'm seeing time with them from a different vantage point than if I was younger. 

I didn't give my kids the benefit of being with my parents as long as I had my grandparents, but I'm doing everything I can to make sure they get to know them and for my parents to get to see their grandkids growing up.

One of my favorite songwriters is a guy named Steve Earle and he wrote a song coming from this perspective of being an older dad. I listen to this every fathers day.

 

[Brooklyn 3.0]

It all depends on how old you want your kid to be when you die. I'm 44 and my kid is one. So yeah, she'll have some crappy responsibility at a fairly early age.

[cardiackat88.]

Just depends. I am glad I had my youngest at 25. 

I am just glad I will not be chasing kids or anything as an older man.

One the other side, it would have helped a lot having the wisdom to combat their smartass mouths...

[Jangler]

no, it doesn't matter...

 

[Jangler]

 

[Wes21]

It depends.  Please send pics of dog.

[MountaineerChemist10]

On 12/11/2019 at 10:55 AM, Jangler said:

what color is the sofa?

Blue lol.

[hepcat]

There's a lot more to factor in than just your age so I have to say no, it doesn't matter. Just makes things different. A 20 year old parent definitely has more energy but less life experience to pass on and almost certainly has less money. And vice versa for an older parent.

[SmokinwithWilly]

From a different perspective, I married into having 2 stepdaughters in their teens already at 30 so I was a little bit younger when I had my first grandchild at the age of 34. I have gotten to enjoy all the responsibilities of being a father to kids in their life teens and all the joys of being a grandparent when I could still physically enjoy being a part of their lives. If you're open to having kids without having to carry on your family name, being a step dad can be awesome. I love my girls like they were my own and dont miss the fact I am not their biological father. Being stepdad is pretty cool too.

[Khyber53]

There's some good to having kids when you are older, some bad. I'm 50 with a 14 year old and an 11 year old.

On the bad side is that I probably won't have too many years of being a grandpa, and I probably won't get to be a great grandpa (something both I and my children had to opportunity to enjoy growing up with). I am almost a generation ahead of most of the parents of my kids' friends and there are some physical things that just aren't happening (I'm not running after a beginning bicyclist or to start a kite off flying and my knees, oh my knees).

But then, there are the good things you get to have. Our financial situation is more stable, our home is where we want it to be for as long as we want it to be and I've learned responsibility and putting priorities in the right order. Most of all, age gives perspective and that has served us well. The kids are well adjusted, respected and respectful, independent and dependable. 

I still advise having kids when you are young. That energy is really important and the finances thing... well, how much money does it take to raise a kid? Just about everything you have, however much that is. But, if you are going to raise them, have the time for them... that matters more than any amount of energy or money. Time. For them.