Marriage Advice

[Fryfan]

On 1/22/2019 at 11:12 AM, MountaineerChemist10 said:

Fortunately, we've been married for only two years. No joint bank account, no kids. Currently living in an apartment.

What's good is we've already talked about how we would like to split up our possessions, IF we separate & divorce. She's willing to let me keep most of everything. The furniture, tv, computers etc. She wants to completely start over.

What hurts me the most is the fact I was the only one there to support her when she needed it the most, & now she wants to divorce all b/c of some "hot guy"???!! fug that! I helped her make it through college, paid for about 70% of our wedding, helped her recover from depression & back on her own two feet, etc. Now she wants to leave b/c "she never had the chance to be single". WOW. 

So i'm just taking everything one step at a time. I'm over the fact she wants to be separate & divorce.

I am NOT over the fact she has the nerve to describe how hot he is, how she "loves me" but wants him, how she doesn't want to have kids with me but would love to have plenty with him, etc. All in my face.

FML

You could suggest an open marriage.  

[Kevin Greene]

On 1/22/2019 at 8:12 AM, MountaineerChemist10 said:

Fortunately, we've been married for only two years. No joint bank account, no kids. Currently living in an apartment.

 

Could never imagine being married to someone I didn't have a joint bank account with. Commit for life but keep your finances separate? Why did you even say I do? 

[Kevin Greene]

9 hours ago, Fryfan said:

You could suggest an open marriage.  

[Shocker]

7 hours ago, Kevin Greene said:

Could never imagine being married to someone I didn't have a joint bank account with. Commit for life but keep your finances separate? Why did you even say I do? 

If you can swing it, it can be a very smart move.  Some people are horrible with money and even better at hiding it.  One day you wake up and your thousands in debt and 10 credits maxed out you didn’t know about.  It happens believe me.

[thefuzz]

1 minute ago, Shocker said:

If you can swing it, it can be a very smart move.  Some people are horrible with money and even better at hiding it.  One day you wake up and your thousands in debt and 10 credits maxed out you didn’t know about.  It happens believe me.

Only if you don't pay attention.

Put alerts on both of your credit, and monitor it.  Better yet, freeze your credit until it's needed.

[Cat]

[Cat]

On 1/22/2019 at 4:12 PM, Hotsauce said:

Sorry this is happening. 

The only thing i would ask is if you guys attend church and believe in God?

pray man. I’d pray about what to do. 

Oh is that the trick. That's must be why I never see any Christians that go to church and believe in god get divorced. 

[raz]

ah bro, that sucks.   https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/laugh-cry-live/201502/after-the-break-when-moving-seems-impossible ,

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/laugh-cry-live/201208/coping-distress-and-agony-after-break

a couple good resources it sounds like you're going to need.   what she feels for you is not love.  its ok.   and being single again is awesome.  i'm not even talking about chasing tail.  just not being bothered with another person, having more time for your friends and all those things she doesn't like to do.   it takes a couple few months but you can be happy again.     start exercising if you're not.    immediately.   i love suspension training.  its cheap and you can do it at home.   it works.   good luck!

 

[Hotsauce]

34 minutes ago, Cat said:

Oh is that the trick. That's must be why I never see any Christians that go to church and believe in god get divorced. 

I’m confused, where did I recommend not getting or getting a divorce?

I have found that praying during troubling times helps me arrive to the answer of what I need to do. 

You should try it sometime. 

[Cat]

7 minutes ago, Hotsauce said:

I’m confused, where did I recommend not getting or getting a divorce?

I have found that praying during troubling times helps me arrive to the answer of what I need to do. 

You should try it sometime. 

 

 

[Dex]

3 minutes ago, Cat said:

 

 

I'm gonna pray for you.

[PhillyB]

On 1/22/2019 at 11:12 AM, MountaineerChemist10 said:

Fortunately, we've been married for only two years. No joint bank account, no kids. Currently living in an apartment.

What's good is we've already talked about how we would like to split up our possessions, IF we separate & divorce. She's willing to let me keep most of everything. The furniture, tv, computers etc. She wants to completely start over.

What hurts me the most is the fact I was the only one there to support her when she needed it the most, & now she wants to divorce all b/c of some "hot guy"???!! fug that! I helped her make it through college, paid for about 70% of our wedding, helped her recover from depression & back on her own two feet, etc. Now she wants to leave b/c "she never had the chance to be single". WOW. 

So i'm just taking everything one step at a time. I'm over the fact she wants to be separate & divorce.

I am NOT over the fact she has the nerve to describe how hot he is, how she "loves me" but wants him, how she doesn't want to have kids with me but would love to have plenty with him, etc. All in my face.

FML

if she agrees to that get it written up in a separation agreement and signed NOW. eventually homeboy she's talking to will get in her ear and convince her to go after half.

i tried to stick around and keep the door open for my ex wife to return and that's exactly what happened to me. i lost an enormous amount of money over it. be smarter than me.

[PhillyB]

On 1/23/2019 at 3:51 PM, thefuzz said:

Just saw your thread and read through it.

I am NOT saying any of this to hurt you, but I am giving you my best guess here.

 

She has likely cheated on you already.  Women don't always think about love/sex the same way that we do.  She has fallen for this guy emotionally, and if you think that's not as bad as "cheating" you are wrong.

You need to start the separation process immediately, and get as much as you can in writing.  I don't know about your financial situation, but not owning a home does make it easier...don't really know about you having to pay her after the divorce or not, and don't know about your 401k and what not.

While she is feeling very generous with the possessions, you need to get her to sign something ASAP....like right now.  Act as if you are doing her a favor, and "setting her free", and you may just get out of this with most of your poo.  P.S. the reason she is so giving is because she knows she is in the wrong and is feeling guilty.

Put everything in writing, get out of that apt. or get her out, and make sure that there is not going to be any longterm financial support going forward.

She will run to this guy, he will likely take advantage for a while, then get bored, as this was a lot more fun when he didn't have to watch movies with her, didn't have to help her pay the bills, and didn't have to listen to her talking about their shared boss.  It was just a lot better when he could get a quickie in the car after work before she went home and him to the bar to get beers with buds.

You need to take action now, and if you are a high earner, I would get an attorney involved.  

Cut bait.

this is the best advice you are going to find. it was too little too late to salvage what i could've had, which was virtually everything, but once dude got in her ear and convinced her to go after half i ponied up for the most notoriously cutthroat lawyer in the county. her attorney balked hard and convinced her to cut a deal and avoid going on the stand against a lawyer who makes has articles written about her notorious ability to make defendants cry. 

a small part of me wishes she hadn't made the deal so i could see her fry on the stand, but the deal i cut ultimately served me relatively well and two years down the road (one since the finalized divorce) i am emerging into a great new life.

hire the lawyer you can't afford and dont forget the gym membership.

[Shocker]

PhillyB makes a great point.  I went through about 4 lawyers who did nothing for me.  Then I met the biggest ace hole on the planet and I knew I had the right guy.  If your lawyer is an appalling cutthroat bazturd then that’s your guy.