Marriage Advice

[MountaineerChemist10]

7 hours ago, Cdw said:

How long have you been married?  If you've been married for some time and have a good deal of joint property, you should hire a PI and see a lawyer, because she is probably already cheating if she is saying these things.  It sucks but, you need to look out for you.

Fortunately, we've been married for only two years. No joint bank account, no kids. Currently living in an apartment.

What's good is we've already talked about how we would like to split up our possessions, IF we separate & divorce. She's willing to let me keep most of everything. The furniture, tv, computers etc. She wants to completely start over.

What hurts me the most is the fact I was the only one there to support her when she needed it the most, & now she wants to divorce all b/c of some "hot guy"???!! fug that! I helped her make it through college, paid for about 70% of our wedding, helped her recover from depression & back on her own two feet, etc. Now she wants to leave b/c "she never had the chance to be single". WOW. 

So i'm just taking everything one step at a time. I'm over the fact she wants to be separate & divorce.

I am NOT over the fact she has the nerve to describe how hot he is, how she "loves me" but wants him, how she doesn't want to have kids with me but would love to have plenty with him, etc. All in my face.

FML

[cookinwithgas]

my wife let me pretty much keep whatever I wanted but it was because she was feeling so guilty about her cheating

[Shocker]

33 minutes ago, MountaineerChemist10 said:

Fortunately, we've been married for only two years. No joint bank account, no kids. Currently living in an apartment.

What's good is we've already talked about how we would like to split up our possessions, IF we separate & divorce. She's willing to let me keep most of everything. The furniture, tv, computers etc. She wants to completely start over.

What hurts me the most is the fact I was the only one there to support her when she needed it the most, & now she wants to divorce all b/c of some "hot guy"???!! fug that! I helped her make it through college, paid for about 70% of our wedding, helped her recover from depression & back on her own two feet, etc. Now she wants to leave b/c "she never had the chance to be single". WOW. 

So i'm just taking everything one step at a time. I'm over the fact she wants to be separate & divorce.

I am NOT over the fact she has the nerve to describe how hot he is, how she "loves me" but wants him, how she doesn't want to have kids with me but would love to have plenty with him, etc. All in my face.

FML

You are in a pretty good spot here man.  The breakup sucks and is obviously hard...no matter how bad things are...but seriously man, push through that and move on.  You deserve better than this and your freedom is right around the corner.  Good luck.

[Anybodyhome]

1 hour ago, MountaineerChemist10 said:

Fortunately, we've been married for only two years. No joint bank account, no kids. Currently living in an apartment.

What's good is we've already talked about how we would like to split up our possessions, IF we separate & divorce. She's willing to let me keep most of everything. The furniture, tv, computers etc. She wants to completely start over.

What hurts me the most is the fact I was the only one there to support her when she needed it the most, & now she wants to divorce all b/c of some "hot guy"???!! fug that! I helped her make it through college, paid for about 70% of our wedding, helped her recover from depression & back on her own two feet, etc. Now she wants to leave b/c "she never had the chance to be single". WOW. 

So i'm just taking everything one step at a time. I'm over the fact she wants to be separate & divorce.

I am NOT over the fact she has the nerve to describe how hot he is, how she "loves me" but wants him, how she doesn't want to have kids with me but would love to have plenty with him, etc. All in my face.

FML

No.

You are the bigger person, you are the one who did the right thing. You did everything the way it was supposed to be done. 20 years from now when someone asks, maybe even one of your kids, about your first marriage, you can be straight up with them and tell them you were not the party at fault in this case.

And don't even let the door remain the least bit open for her to come back at some point. When you move out or however you start the process, there is no going back. You will never regain any sense of trust for her, so don't even think about it. The state of NC requires that you remain separated for 1 year before requesting an absolute divorce. The sooner you start, the better off you'll be.

 

[Cdw]

3 hours ago, MountaineerChemist10 said:

I am NOT over the fact she has the nerve to describe how hot he is, how she "loves me" but wants him, how she doesn't want to have kids with me but would love to have plenty with him, etc. All in my face.

Thats rough, she sounds like a real piece of work.  Hope you get out and get out quick, no one deserves getting that sort of treatment.  At least from the sound of it, the split should be clean and easy... I've been through it twice.  First wife was a cheater among other things.  We had kids and it was a pretty nasty split, I fought for and got custody.  Second wife, things just didnt work out and we mutually split.  You'll get through it and theres better women out there. 

[Bronn]

double post

[Bronn]

4 hours ago, MountaineerChemist10 said:

Fortunately, we've been married for only two years. No joint bank account, no kids. Currently living in an apartment.

What's good is we've already talked about how we would like to split up our possessions, IF we separate & divorce. She's willing to let me keep most of everything. The furniture, tv, computers etc. She wants to completely start over.

What hurts me the most is the fact I was the only one there to support her when she needed it the most, & now she wants to divorce all b/c of some "hot guy"???!! fug that! I helped her make it through college, paid for about 70% of our wedding, helped her recover from depression & back on her own two feet, etc. Now she wants to leave b/c "she never had the chance to be single". WOW. 

So i'm just taking everything one step at a time. I'm over the fact she wants to be separate & divorce.

I am NOT over the fact she has the nerve to describe how hot he is, how she "loves me" but wants him, how she doesn't want to have kids with me but would love to have plenty with him, etc. All in my face.

FML

Make sure you get a separation agreement/property division in writing, legally... otherwise "talking about it" means nothing.

Also, a good dose of ruthlessness will do you good. Don't do anything illegal, obviously, but you could go after this dude and/or her under Alienation of Affection afaik...

I know it sounds like you still care about her, but tbqh she doesn't care about you at all.

The most important insight I can offer is to not blame yourself for any of this. You're the better person, and you didn't do anything wrong, at least it doesn't sound like.

[tondi]

12 minutes ago, Bronn said:

Make sure you get a separation agreement/property division in writing, legally... otherwise "talking about it" means nothing.

Also, a good dose of ruthlessness will do you good. Don't do anything illegal, obviously, but you could go after this dude and/or her under Alienation of Affection afaik...

I know it sounds like you still care about her, but tbqh she doesn't care about you at all.

The most important insight I can offer is to not blame yourself for any of this. You're the better person, and you didn't do anything wrong, at least it doesn't sound like.

Getting the separation agreement in writing and legally binding, while she's in a generous state of mind, is key.  At some point when things don't work out with the new guy she will either attempt to reconcile or she will come after anything she didn't get before.  This will prevent the later scenario from hurting you financially. As far as her wanting to come back when it all blows up in her face, you need to decide how you will deal with that when/if it happens. You don't want her catching you on the wrong day and you make a rash decision to let her move back in with you or otherwise attempt to manipulate you emotionally into resuming the relationship.  Stay strong and don't let her dictate a single thing that happens going forward. 

[Hotsauce]

Sorry this is happening. 

The only thing i would ask is if you guys attend church and believe in God?

pray man. I’d pray about what to do. 

[OceanPanther]

Suggestions

Should you two separate and then divorce..   Don't sit and look at 4 walls,, even if you have little to no money,, get out of the house ,, go to free places,, others will be there,,  parks for example.

Don't get lost in a bottle ( alcohol or other drugs ) ,,  it won't help. That doesn't mean you can't drink,,  just don't let it take control of you. 

Don't stay in a loveless marriage.

[cookinbrak]

17 hours ago, Bronn said:

Also, a good dose of ruthlessness will do you good. Don't do anything illegal, obviously, but you could go after this dude and/or her under Alienation of Affection afaik... 

Get a little tape recorder, and scour her computer and phone.

[Moose Hoover]

39 minutes ago, cookinbrak said:

Get a little tape recorder, and scour her computer and phone.

 

[MountaineerChemist10]

18 hours ago, Hotsauce said:

Sorry this is happening. 

The only thing i would ask is if you guys attend church and believe in God?

pray man. I’d pray about what to do. 

Amen brother. Been praying almost every day since this started.

Again, thanks guys for your support. I truly appreciate it. Makes me feel more comfortable with this poo.

Since Monday, I've been trying to spend more alone time working out with local groups, clearing my thoughts, meeting new people, spend more time with peers, etc. Been very helpful.  

[thefuzz]

5 hours ago, MountaineerChemist10 said:

Amen brother. Been praying almost every day since this started.

Again, thanks guys for your support. I truly appreciate it. Makes me feel more comfortable with this poo.

Since Monday, I've been trying to spend more alone time working out with local groups, clearing my thoughts, meeting new people, spend more time with peers, etc. Been very helpful.  

Just saw your thread and read through it.

I am NOT saying any of this to hurt you, but I am giving you my best guess here.

 

She has likely cheated on you already.  Women don't always think about love/sex the same way that we do.  She has fallen for this guy emotionally, and if you think that's not as bad as "cheating" you are wrong.

You need to start the separation process immediately, and get as much as you can in writing.  I don't know about your financial situation, but not owning a home does make it easier...don't really know about you having to pay her after the divorce or not, and don't know about your 401k and what not.

While she is feeling very generous with the possessions, you need to get her to sign something ASAP....like right now.  Act as if you are doing her a favor, and "setting her free", and you may just get out of this with most of your poo.  P.S. the reason she is so giving is because she knows she is in the wrong and is feeling guilty.

Put everything in writing, get out of that apt. or get her out, and make sure that there is not going to be any longterm financial support going forward.

She will run to this guy, he will likely take advantage for a while, then get bored, as this was a lot more fun when he didn't have to watch movies with her, didn't have to help her pay the bills, and didn't have to listen to her talking about their shared boss.  It was just a lot better when he could get a quickie in the car after work before she went home and him to the bar to get beers with buds.

You need to take action now, and if you are a high earner, I would get an attorney involved.  

Cut bait.