Marriage Advice

[MountaineerChemist10]

My wife & I are coming THIS close to filing for divorce. Any advice?

[CRA]

is there a primary issue that stands out? 

[cookinwithgas]

A friend asked me for divorce advice, I told him "if you are cheating but haven't been caught DENY DENY DENY" but he said he already told her he was cheating on her. She became a vindictive nut case after that revelation, and you don't want that. I mean he suffered but he he cheated; but the kids ended up in the middle of everything and that was awful. And the wife really developed a self esteem problem, a terrible divorce really. Luckily years later she remarried. Oh and the guy married the women he was cheating with and they are very happy together so there's that at least.

[Anybodyhome]

Life with another person is all about compromise.

Read through the "Vasectomy" thread that's just below this one and you'll see what I mean. Everyone has their issues, the key is talking through those issues to understand and agree that they are either permanent or temporary. 

It's one thing for your wife to say, "I'm not happy anymore."

It's quite another to say, "I'm not happy abut you doing ___________."

There's a huge difference. Look I'm 62 and been married a few times and I'll share some fault in those marriages which failed. But I've been with my wife now since 1995 and, sure, there are some things she doesn't like about me and vice versa, but it's not fugging serious enough to divorce over. Like I said, unless you both have lost all feeling, consideration, concern, and respect for each other, odds are the root of your issues are temporary and not permanent.

[PurityControl]

That's a tough one man.

Yeah if there is not a "Primary Issue"  then you guys need to spend some serious time talking.

I've been with the same chick 19yrs married 16 of those years, & 2 kids

Constant communication and compromise, and truly listening to each other have kept us going. 

Good luck 

[MountaineerChemist10]

17 hours ago, CRA said:

is there a primary issue that stands out? 

Basically, my wife has fallen for another guy who she finds much more attractive than me. She thinks I am "cute", but do not turn her on in any kind of way. 

My wife confessed she didn't even want to get married in the first place, but was afraid to "hurt my feelings" & dump me before the wedding. She thought perhaps the wedding & honeymoon would spice up our relationship; she thought wrong. She feels she has never had a chance to "be single" & flirt with other men. Ever since HS, she's always been relationship-needy, always seeking a new b/f. When we first met, she was down & depressed & brightened her up by dating her. I thought she was interested in me b/c she wanted to date, possibly marry, start a family, etc. I thought wrong. She was simply looking for another shoulder to cry on & fell in love by accident.

She was hired by another company 2 months before our wedding & met a new co-worker, Brett (we'll use this name). She was instantly attracted to this guy; his physique, style, personality & swagger. Problem is she's now married to me & she feels she made a mistake. She wants to separate for a year & see how she feels. If she misses me & wants me back, she is willing to try marriage counseling. If not, then divorce.

Honestly, I have no fuging clue what to do.  

[cookinbrak]

Sadly, it comes to this. You love her, she doesn't love you.

[MountaineerChemist10]

19 hours ago, cookinwithgas said:

A friend asked me for divorce advice, I told him "if you are cheating but haven't been caught DENY DENY DENY" but he said he already told her he was cheating on her. She became a vindictive nut case after that revelation, and you don't want that. I mean he suffered but he he cheated; but the kids ended up in the middle of everything and that was awful. And the wife really developed a self esteem problem, a terrible divorce really. Luckily years later she remarried. Oh and the guy married the women he was cheating with and they are very happy together so there's that at least.

Sorry to hear their marriage sucked. Glad to hear they are now happy.

Fortunately, we have no children. Neither one of us have cheated, or at least I haven't. My wife claims she hasn't cheated & I believe her, but hearing her talk about how hot her coworker is & how badly she wants him in bed is just as bad. I call it an emotional affair.

[PurityControl]

A co worker 

Oye 

 

[blackcat]

Time to move on.  Be glad it ended before you had any kids.  Go your separate ways and be glad she’s out of your life.  She sounds like a terrible person.

[Shocker]

6 hours ago, MountaineerChemist10 said:

Basically, my wife has fallen for another guy who she finds much more attractive than me. She thinks I am "cute", but do not turn her on in any kind of way. 

My wife confessed she didn't even want to get married in the first place, but was afraid to "hurt my feelings" & dump me before the wedding. She thought perhaps the wedding & honeymoon would spice up our relationship; she thought wrong. She feels she has never had a chance to "be single" & flirt with other men. Ever since HS, she's always been relationship-needy, always seeking a new b/f. When we first met, she was down & depressed & brightened her up by dating her. I thought she was interested in me b/c she wanted to date, possibly marry, start a family, etc. I thought wrong. She was simply looking for another shoulder to cry on & fell in love by accident.

She was hired by another company 2 months before our wedding & met a new co-worker, Brett (we'll use this name). She was instantly attracted to this guy; his physique, style, personality & swagger. Problem is she's now married to me & she feels she made a mistake. She wants to separate for a year & see how she feels. If she misses me & wants me back, she is willing to try marriage counseling. If not, then divorce.

Honestly, I have no fuging clue what to do.  

Move on immediately every day you waste staying in the marriage.  I would divorce and find someone else...don’t wait.

You don’t know it now but you will love being single.  It is fuggin awesome seriously.

I am remarried to a much better person, you will find someone.  Being single is great too though.

[cookinwithgas]

7 hours ago, MountaineerChemist10 said:

Sorry to hear their marriage sucked. Glad to hear they are now happy.

Fortunately, we have no children. Neither one of us have cheated, or at least I haven't. My wife claims she hasn't cheated & I believe her, but hearing her talk about how hot her coworker is & how badly she wants him in bed is just as bad. I call it an emotional affair.

Mine said she didn't cheat on me and I didn't know until he answered the phone at her house 9 months after we split up - english accent so I had heard about the guy before, she had gone up to NYC for work and he was up there. He ended up moving down here, but he was a total asshole and she got rid of him after having to put up with him for like a year since he helped her get her place, etc. What comes around....

I loved being single once I got over the break up as well although I did end up getting remarried.

[motocross_cat]

You have no choice it seems to me.  

Move on.

[OHYO]

13 hours ago, MountaineerChemist10 said:

Basically, my wife has fallen for another guy who she finds much more attractive than me. She thinks I am "cute", but do not turn her on in any kind of way. 

My wife confessed she didn't even want to get married in the first place, but was afraid to "hurt my feelings" & dump me before the wedding. She thought perhaps the wedding & honeymoon would spice up our relationship; she thought wrong. She feels she has never had a chance to "be single" & flirt with other men. Ever since HS, she's always been relationship-needy, always seeking a new b/f. When we first met, she was down & depressed & brightened her up by dating her. I thought she was interested in me b/c she wanted to date, possibly marry, start a family, etc. I thought wrong. She was simply looking for another shoulder to cry on & fell in love by accident.

She was hired by another company 2 months before our wedding & met a new co-worker, Brett (we'll use this name). She was instantly attracted to this guy; his physique, style, personality & swagger. Problem is she's now married to me & she feels she made a mistake. She wants to separate for a year & see how she feels. If she misses me & wants me back, she is willing to try marriage counseling. If not, then divorce.

Honestly, I have no fuging clue what to do.  

I don’t want to say bad things about her because its obvious you love her. I’ve been here myself and honestly it’s not you, it’s her and she will always be this way, the grass is greener. She will regret what she’s done when she gets some age on her trust me. You WILL love again and it will be greater than your love for her !