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WHY THE SAINTS SUCK, AND HOW THE PANTHERS WILL BEAT THEM THIS YEAR

Broku

By Broku,
in Carolina Panthers

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Broku Newbie

Broku

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Man do I hate the New Orleans Saints.  Watching them play gives me the honor of feeling like I need to profusely vomit.   I completely skipped their game against the Rams last Sunday evening because I really didn’t want to have to call out of work today as a side-effect of watching this garbage heap of a team. This team is the worst.  I don’t care if they go undefeated for the next five years, if you were to ask me to sum up my opinion of this team in the simplest way possible, I would simply say, “they suck.” 

 

I mean they really do.  Look at the leadership over there.  Drew Brees and Sean Payton.  THESE GUYS ARE FIRST BALLOT DOUCHEBAG HALL OF FAMERS.  Can you think of a more prolific tandem of douchebaggery than these two?  I’m serious can you?  This question has been cookin my noodle all day I need some answers.   I mean let’s look at these two.

 

 

DREW BREES

 

1848115955_DREWDOUCHEPIC.png.6fec9f63f4e8359bf9da5098f8e42603.png

 

 

 

Look at this guy.  Look deep into his soulless eye holes.  What about this picture doesn’t scream “I’m the douchebag that holds the door open for you even though you’re an awkward distance away so it forces you into a courtesy jog just to not feel like a bigger douchebag than me.”?  This is definitely a guy that only gives away 1 piece of candy per trick-or-treater on Halloween because “sweets rot the teeth kids moderation is key.”   This guy sure has a really punchable face.  I’m sure we can all agree about that.   The hottest debate RE: Saints is who has the more punchable face between Drew and his head coach.   This team is the worst.  I’ve never met Drew Brees but I can already tell you that he listens to Incubus every day on his way to the Mercedez Benz Superdome. Vegas should take bets on that so we can all get rich.  Side note: Why the hell does Mercedez Benz sponsor the stadium names of both of our biggest division rivals? Better yet,  why the HELL does our coach do ads for a Felix Sabates MERCEDEZ BENZ DEALERSHIP?  I don't think Ron has thought that sponsorship through.  Buy a BMW instead Panthers fans.  You'll feel better about yourself I promise.

 

Let's not forget to mention this lovely headline that ultimately epitomizes Drew Brees

 

2124297399_BREESSCAMCLIP.thumb.png.6adccad8037fb4a8d84306bb97796c7e.png

 

HAHAHA WHAT?? YOU GOT SCAMMED OUTTA 9 MILLY??  YOU LOST 9 MILLY ON SOME BUNK DIAMONDS???

 

Hahahah damn what an idiot.  I mean sure we’ve all lost 50$ buying a cheap washer that inevitably didn’t work off OfferUp, but this is some next level idiocy.  Hey Drew I’ve got an offer you can’t refuse.  I’ve got a Saudi Arabian prince that’s going to wire you 350k worth of diamonds as long as you wire me 35k in USD to cover the “admin fees”.   Sound like a deal?   Great.  What’s your account number?

 

 

I’m pretty sure Drew Brees uses his turn signal EVERY TIME he changes lanes.  If a literal square decided to identify as a human for one day, that square would be Drew Brees.  First ballot Hall of Famer or not, this guy sucks.   His scent of choice is definitely Drakkar Noir.   He goes to bed promptly at 10pm every night.  His favorite phrase is “gosh darn it”.  Douchery at its finest.

 

 

What about his dynamic-douche-duo of a partner though, Sean Payton?  Take a look at this guy

 

 

 1800381595_PaytonDouche.jpg.34c7fcfcd6684ac1fb90e4efe32a58e7.jpg

 

Oh damn don’t get me started on Sean Payton.  This guy looks like he’d definitely shamelessly hit on your wife behind your back because “what happens in their marriage is between them”.  This guy can’t wait to put you behind the wheel of a used Ford Escort with a cracked radiator.   If you take away the Saints visor in the picture above there’d be no way you could un-convince me that that’s a used car salesman working at Dale Earnhardt Chevrolet.

 

Imagine this scenario.



 

 

You’re at the ground floor of the office and you gotta call the elevator to get back up to your job on the 3rd floor. You hit the up arrow.  It lights up that weird color that’s kind’ve a blend between pink and purple for some reason.   Seconds later, DING elevator’s there and you see Sean Payton in there by himself.  You and 4 other people board the elevator with him.   The doors shut and you’re all on your way up.  Suddenly, you smell the familiar smell of a silent-but-deadly.  YOU IMMEDIATELY KNOW WHO DID IT.

 

That’s Sean Payton.

 

This guy looks like he definitely sells counterfeit Giants tickets outside the Meadowlands on gameday, and after selling you aforementioned tickets he bums a cigarette off you and SOMEHOW HAS HIS OWN LIGHTER ALREADY.  I MEAN WHAT ARE YOU A PROFESSIONAL BUM?  Yeah.  That’s this guy.  

 

 

I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT SEAN PAYTON WILL SHOW UP TO YOUR PARTY, DRINK ALL YOUR BEER, TALK ABOUT HIMSELF THE ENTIRE TIME THEN LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE.   These are the things I’m convicted about. 

 

 

Enough of the jokes though.  Let’s talk about how the good guys beat these dickheads.  There’s really only 3 things here worth mentioning.

 

 

 

The Good Guys Key #1 to beating the Saints: 

 

 

Stop the run.

 

 

 

Remember when the Saints were just a team that had Drew Brees throw for 5k yards every year but yet still found a way to finish the season at .500?  Yeah those were good times.  The only thing that’s changed about that team was that they found a good running game.  Kamara has transformed that team.  Ingram is still great, juicing aside.  I would love nothing more than to see Drew throw 50+ passes against our D.  You know why run plays are still relevant in the NFL nowadays?  It’s because it’s a lot less probable to fumble a carry than it is to throw an interception or have a strip sack on any given pass play.  This is why NFL RB's with fumble problems get benched.  

 

Make no mistake, if the Panthers are going to beat the New Orleans Saints, they will have to stop the run.  If they hold New Orleans to under 80 yards rushing in any given game, I would be about 95% sure that they won.  Contain Kamara/Ingram, let Brees throw it a million times. The Panthers offense can hang in a game like that.  If the Panthers can turn the Saints back into a finesse team by killing their run game, we’ll be back to playing a team that was historically .500 for awhile before now.   The Panthers need to control the clock with their own run game, keep pass-happy Brees on the sideline till end game when they inevitably go 4 and out on 4 consecutive pass plays.   Game over Good Guys win.  

 

 

Next up: 

 

 

The Good Guys Key #2 to beating the Saints:  

 

Be aggressive at all times

  

 

This will be the one game this year that if the Panthers win a coin toss, they will choose to receive the ball to begin the game.  I mean Rivera would have to be an idiot not to, and I don’t believe he’s an idiot.  The most ideal scenario after the Panthers first drive is to be up 7-0.  Screw getting the ball first after halftime.  The Panthers have to be in it to win it this entire game on every occasion.  No punting from anywhere in Saints territory unless it’s 4th and forever.   The whole attitude of the Panthers needs to be one of aggression the entire game.  The defense has to be ferocious on the d-line with the pass rush and the whole o-line need be mauling road-pavers for the run game.  We play for keeps vs. the Saints.  The Panthers can bully these guys.  They have to go for broke all game.

 

 

 

Finally, last up

 

 

 

The Good Guys Key #3 to beating the Saints: 

 

 

Leave no doubt about the plays made on the field.

 

 

This is as an important of a key to a Saints game as any, especially the one on the road this year.  The Panthers need to leave no doubt as to the plays made on the field from a 3rd person perspective.  Even Stevie should be able to tell if a pick is a pick, if a catch is a catch and if a strip-sack is a strip-sack.  Let’s not leave things up to the officials because we all know how that winds up (thanks Clete Blakeman). The only replay challenges that should be happening in a game vs. the Saints are the ones that Rivera throws to challenge some Saints BS call.  When you’ve got Eric Reid(if he even says his own name out loud he gets fined 12k) on your team, you have to stay woke to the shenanigans.  If the Panthers can make every play undeniable, they will greatly increase the odds of winning this game.  Shut it down Panthers.  LFG.

 

 

 

Final thoughts RE: Saints

 

 

This team fugging sucks.  They’re the same .500 team that happened to stumble upon Alvin Kamara. Panthers fans have the same problem Coach Klein in the Waterboy had against the antagonist head coach of the team they played against in the Bourbon Bowl(wasn't his name coach Red or some bs?).   Stop letting the Boogeyman that is the Saints live in your minds rent-free, Panthers fans.  The Panthers will handle business if-and-when they play this team when it counts.  You couldn’t pay me to think that the Panthers don’t sweep the Saints this year.   Jusssttt watch.   Fug the Saints.

 

 

 

 

Till next time, thanks for reading.

 

 

 

-Broku

 

 

 

 

 

Twitter: @BrokuThe

 

 

 

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Jangler Newbie

Jangler

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19 minutes ago, Broku said:

No.  I’ve read a few SCP posts and they’re great.  He just didn’t make enough of them. 

2015 every week. You see what I'm saying....once you start. I'll give you a pass on the Steelers, since you did a fine job with the Saints. but we will need a Detroit post.

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Broku Newbie

Broku

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11 hours ago, Jangler said:

2015 every week. You see what I'm saying....once you start. I'll give you a pass on the Steelers, since you did a fine job with the Saints. but we will need a Detroit post.

Must of missed it.  I didnt find the huddle till around the off-season in 15’

 

even on a short week, the Steelers will be covered before game day.  I promise.

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