Need some Huddle advice regarding an ex

[TNPanther]

I haven't posted one of these threads in a long time and I try not to go to the Interwebz for this kind of advice too often, but I wanted to gauge the thoughts of you all regarding a somewhat complicated situation. I apologize in advance for the length of this post.

I met a girl back in January and dated her for roughly 5 months. In the beginning she was super cool, chill, easy to get along with, fun to hang out with, etc. It was obvious that she was head-over-heels infatuated with me. I would bring her along to social events with my main circle of friends, and most of them got to know her and came to really like her. On the surface she's a very friendly, smart, outgoing girl whose personality wins over a lot of people. Such was the case with her and my friends.

Our relationship, however, started to become different around the 3-month mark. Her behavior towards me began to change, as she became clingy, whiny, needy, and passive-aggressive. I began to lose interest in her, and came to the conclusion while she was on vacation abroad that there was no point in carrying on our relationship. I broke up with her in person the day she returned, citing that I didn't have feelings for her anymore and that I didn't want to lead her on. She threw a hysterical fit and tried to barricade me in her apartment. After I manage to escape, she reached out to several of my friends and interrogated them, and she even invited herself over to one girl's house and showed up in tears.

The problem that persists to this day is that, as mentioned before, my friends in my social circle all really like her, and as a result some of them took her side of things (i.e., I'm an asshole who broke up with her for no reason on the day she returned from being overseas). They continued to invite both of us to anything that was going on, and sure enough she'd show up. She has since entrenched herself within this social circle and become pretty good friends with most of the girls. Eventually, being the immature idiot that I can occasionally be, we started sleeping with each other again. She claimed that she was cool with being FWB, but she restarted the same cycle of behavior that was the case when we were dating. 

I know for a fact that I don't want to date this girl, and I've repeatedly expressed this to her as such, but she continues to persist in being around me as much as possible and asking me to hang out. This has resulted in a vicious cycle. I've tried being nice to her, but it only leads to her gaining false hope of us getting back together, and the clingy, whiny, needy behavior resumes. When I try to ghost her and ignore her, she shows up at social events and tries to manipulate me into going home with her. There were even a couple of instances in which she chased me home from the bars! I can't stand the tension that this creates within the social circle, so eventually the cycle will go back to where I'm being nice to her. It's gotten to the point to where she's trying to manipulate through others, using our mutual friends as leverage by having them ask me questions about what I think of her and constantly taking pictures with them and posting them on Facebook as some sort of psychological warfare tactic. I've noticed that my friends within this circle have become increasingly distant as these things continue to happen.

Last night, everything came to a pinnacle. I was busy all day yesterday at work and she got angry with me for not texting her. I went off on her, stating that she's an emotionally unstable, manipulative, clueless child who can't get a hint that I don't want to be with her. I basically told her that I only hooked up with her to use her for sex and that I didn't understand why she continued to insist upon hanging out with me. She hasn't responded since. I guarantee you that she's broadcasted this to everyone she's friends with within the group in an effort to gain even more leverage.

My question to you, fellow Huddlers: is there anything I can do at this point to get rid of her and continue to hang out with my friends in this social circle? Or is this a hopeless cause, and I should just disappear from her life at the expense of losing my friends?

 

[lymelizzard]

restraining<sp>  order

[PanthaSan]

Question:  Does she have big boobies?  Because that would really make a difference.....

J/K - Tough one Bro.  How long have you been hanging out with that group of friends?  Is there any way some of them would stop hanging out with/inviting her if you told them why you broke up?  Do they see her actions?

Long story short, she sounds like a real bunny boiler.  I don't want to judge the girl as I really don't know her but it sounds like she has set her eyes on you and no matter how hard you try to get rid of her, she'll show up eventually.  Worse case, if you crush her and break her heart, your friends might turn on you for being an a-hole.  Tough call either way.

My advice is to assess what matter more to you, your friends or your sanity.

Good luck.

[thefuzz]

Been there, but the girl wasn't really manipulative, just didn't want to let go.

 

Ended up leaving every social even the moment she would show up, didn't speak, didn't try to get her to leave...just walked out as soon as I saw her.  Had "adult" conversations with the friends that I intended to keep, and let the others go completely...just not worth it.

That's what I did, and would do again...also, it doesn't hurt to find something else to keep your mind busy, and to show up at said events with...just be honest with the new one about the old one.

[VGcollector]

I feel for you. Unforuntaly some of the risk bringing people we are involved with whether its a friend or a gf is that sometimes they can bond with people in other circles. As you get older you have to be careful because as your circle becomes smaller with time you dont want to risk it over person only know for short amount of time. My advice is to at first be nice to her and dont sleep with her. Own up to your friends and her that you were using her for a booty call. For a person as committed as her lot of times sincere admission of guilt and trying to move forward allows her to find solace and atleast see how serious you are even if she still likes you. You also need to talk to your friends tell them why she makes you uncomfortable and why you had to back out. They can still be cool with her but they need to know you will back off if she continues to show up and disturb you or sob over you. Id give that 2 weeks. the extreme options are If she is still crazy then id recommend getting a retraining order on her. Or you could drop your friends for a bit to show them your not playing around. or worse case pass her to me lol jk. But yea i hope you resolve this soon.

[Happy Panther]

2 hours ago, TNPanther said:

 

My question to you, fellow Huddlers: is there anything I can do at this point to get rid of her and continue to hang out with my friends in this social circle? Or is this a hopeless cause, and I should just disappear from her life at the expense of losing my friends?

 

Yeah I would dip out of that social group for a while*. There is no way to get her to stop hanging. However the dynamics will change soon enough based on what you have posted.

*I assume this isn't like your absolute best friends in the world group...if so then I would be upfront. However my best friends in the world wouldn't be inviting my ex to stuff.

[TNPanther]

45 minutes ago, VGcollector said:

or worse case pass her to me lol jk

She's all yours buddy! LOL

You raise some good points. I feel like a serious sit-down conversation with those I'm closest with in the group will go a long way. 

[Zaximus]

Well it's a good way to see who your real friends are.    It's always way less than you or anyone thinks sadly.

Real talk, just stop hanging out with them, stay home and play World of Warcraft and find new friends on there that you won't accidentally run into IRL.  

 

 

Just kidding, kind of.

[cookinwithgas]

If they can't take a hint then you have to be blunt. If that doesn't work you have to be a jerk. But I'm sorry to hear you have this problem it certainly is no fun to deal with.

[hepcat]

Lawyer up, hit the gym, delete Facebook 

[jasonluckydog]

I need a pic to make an informed decision 

[dave-o]

So in roughly 5 months she is taking over your friends?  I would tell her to kick rocks...  

[Ja Rhule]

Happened to me long time ago...  The girl would buy me flowers and show up at my job.  I ended up banging her best friend which pissed her off completely.  I ran into her 8 years later and she wanted to go hang out still

[sharkkiller]

Whatever you do.......do NOT take advice from ludwig51.