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Attention Huddle Sex Therapists

Dex

By Dex,
in Huddle Lounge

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motocross_cat Community Regular

motocross_cat

Posted
Posted

I dated a girl for 4 years, basically her whole time in college and as soon as she graduated poof she was gone.  Took some time time to get over it.  I spent about 2 years feeling the same as you.  Im not some player or anything but i did my thing and would basically get in and get out.  Then i met the girl im with now oddly enough at a panther tailgate and something just sorta happened.  Call it love idk but i was never this happy even in past relationships,  every just seems perfect for a lack of a better term.

So if your looking for advice, from my experience just do your thing.  Sounds dumb as poo but it will smack you in the face.  Least it did me.  

Now i sound like a giant pussy.  Thanks bro.

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Ja Rhule Grand Master

Ja Rhule

Posted
Posted
10 minutes ago, motocross_cat said:

I dated a girl for 4 years, basically her whole time in college and as soon as she graduated poof she was gone.  Took some time time to get over it.  I spent about 2 years feeling the same as you.  Im not some player or anything but i did my thing and would basically get in and get out.  Then i met the girl im with now oddly enough at a panther tailgate and something just sorta happened.  Call it love idk but i was never this happy even in past relationships,  every just seems perfect for a lack of a better term.

So if your looking for advice, from my experience just do your thing.  Sounds dumb as poo but it will smack you in the face.  Least it did me.  

Now i sound like a giant pussy.  Thanks bro.

Nah, same happened to me.  Once I met my wife, i knew she was the one.  I had many girls who were super hot but not wife material... 

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thefuzz Mentor

thefuzz

Posted
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I would probably try to find a girl that enjoys a few things that you do, or would think that you would, and take it easy.

Would get off the dating app, and probably spend more time with friends and friends of friends.

Also, if you find one that you are kinda into, why not tell her the truth....that you don't want to lose interest in here, and let's just take it easy so neither of us get hurt?

Certainly not a therapist, but I think....like most things...this too shall pass.

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The_Tolbert_Report Newbie

The_Tolbert_Report

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Nah you aint crazy bruh don't say that. This will happen to everyone at some point. But remember this: the ultimate test to find out if you love someone is that if something interesting/funny/really peculiar happens to you while you're at work (e.g. crazy customer, weird thing on your commute), marry the person who you would be most excited to tell and recount the experience with when you get home. The harsh reality of our existence is that appearances fade, and even the inital spark of a relationship will die out, BUT that personal connection of wanting to share your life's experiences with someone will never die 

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TheRumGone Grand Master

TheRumGone

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I think it’s pretty simple that your ex more than likely did you wrong and now you are dealing with commitment and trust issues. You don’t wanna feel that pain again so you’re subconsciously backing out to avoid that pain that you felt before. It will pass but if you feel like it won’t you should probably talk to someone. If not a therapist, a close friend who will listen. Talk about what you went through and how it made you feel. Ya know the sappy, seemingly embarrassing stuff. you’ll be ok though eventually.

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*FreeFua* Grand Master

*FreeFua*

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Like you and Philly after being in a relationship for so long, I feel like it’s going to take someone who literally blows my mind in more ways than one for me to get into another relationship.

Not because of anything that’s happened in the past just because I am 1) picky as hell and 2) legit enjoy my alone time. My job makes dating/relationships pretty difficult but I use it as an excuse a lot more than I should. 

It could really just be as simple as you’re both not completely ready to move on (still hold some sort of resentment), that you’re subconsciously not ready to get into another long term relationship yet or haven’t found the right girl. 

I mean you both are only a year removed from 7 year real ass relationships so that’s not a lot of time imo to fully move on from everything that’s happened. Just give it time.

 

 

 

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PhillyB Grand Master

PhillyB

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On 11/7/2017 at 10:42 AM, thefuzz said:

I would get off the dating app, and probably spend more time with friends and friends of friends.

Unfortunately this is kind of the default these days, I've found. It's actually a useful tool since my work/kid schedule gives me zero nights a week to go out and do anything, but overall I hate it. It's tough to compete with carefully crafted narcissism when you don't really give a fug.

Or maybe I just need to lay off the tacos and go hit the gym more

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PhillyB Grand Master

PhillyB

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, *FreeFua* said:

Like you and Philly after being in a relationship for so long, I feel like it’s going to take someone who literally blows my mind in more ways than one for me to get into another relationship.

Not because of anything that’s happened in the past just because I am 1) picky as hell and 2) legit enjoy my alone time. My job makes dating/relationships pretty difficult but I use it as an excuse a lot more than I should. 

It could really just be as simple as you’re both not completely ready to move on (still hold some sort of resentment), that you’re subconsciously not ready to get into another long term relationship yet or haven’t found the right girl. 

I mean you both are only a year removed from 7 year real ass relationships so that’s not a lot of time imo to fully move on from everything that’s happened. Just give it time.

 

 

 

my divorce finalizes in three weeks. i'm interested to see if there's an accompanying mental shift once i can officially close that chapter of my life

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