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Attention Huddle Sex Therapists

Dex

By Dex,
in Huddle Lounge

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Dex Collaborator

Dex

Posted
Posted

I have a problem... Since I live pretty far away at least the Huddle gives me some anonymity. At this point I'll disregard the embarrassment because this isn't an issue I can talk about to my friends and family and when I google questions about this the answers vary wildly. So here's the deal...

Not sure what's wrong with me I was hoping some of you could shed some light or let me know if you have similar issues. So I've been single for a little over a year. I've had multiple sexual partners in that span. Some were one night stands and others I actually liked. But they all have one thing in common. As soon as I have sex with them I lose interest immediately. I don't even want to have sex with them again no matter how attracted I believe I am to them. It sounds like I enjoy the chase more than anything but I hate myself for it. It was all but confirmed last week. I was seeing this girl I met on Tinder for about 2 months. Things were going great. I met her parents. She met my friends. We did a weekend trip to Salem, MA for Halloween. The works. I was thinking she would be my girlfriend. However, a couple weeks in she wanted me to go back to her place. I made some bullshit up because I liked her and was worried if we fuged I would ghost her after or lose interest. So we put it off until the Salem trip. The sex was great and the trip was so much fun but after that weekend I have 0 interest in her. I don't even find myself attracted to her anymore...


I'm worried this stems from the fact I was in a relationship for 7 years... Could be misogyny. (although I don't consider myself a misogynist at all) Could be commitment issues. All I know is it's ruining the thought of me ever finding someone and I'm at the point I don't even want to have sex anymore. Help?

 

 

I hope this doesn't seem like ludwig level issues lol...

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Lumps Newbie

Lumps

Posted
Posted

My educational field here but without clinical experience. 

How old are you? This (only liking the chase) is a young mentality. I was in a seven year relationship and wanted to bang everything that moved after it.

But that took a while. Almost two years, though I had sex here and there before then. 

I think the most important thing to ask yourself is what exactly are you interested in? This is not a question with an immediate answer and the harder you push for one the further from the truth you’ll get. Perhaps you should forwarn future partners your mindset is not ready for a relationship and keep things light.

You were in a relationship for 7 years so what was different about her?

Some people are just this way for life but more likely until a much later age and phase of life. A very high percentage of people are getting married (and divorced to prove the same point) at later ages. This proves the point. And remember no one says you have to be married or with someone. There’s nothing wrong with that.

The right person could come along and distract you no matter how hard you try to avoid them. Then you’ll know they’re worth investing in. It’s only been a year and I’m assuming you’re under 35/40, and would bet it’s a mix between the timespan, age, exploring who you are and what you want in all areas of life and meeting the right person.

As you age the chase will dull. A relationship will define great sex and great sex will not define, signify (or obligate) a relationship.

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Ja Rhule Grand Master

Ja Rhule

Posted
Posted

I had that issue until i grew up.  I loved the chance and once I got in, I’d lose the interest.  Sounds like you missed those days and now you are catching up on banging dif chicks.  Sooner or later u will get it out of ur system and will settle again.

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PhillyB Grand Master

PhillyB

Posted
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I actually sort of have the same issue. I don't think you ever told me exactly how things went down with your ex, but mine seems somewhat similar. Together seven years, married six, she walked out on me almost exactly a year ago.

I always sort of expected to go through a legendary pussy run if I got divorced (it was a celibate marriage) but I spent the first six months of the divorce keeping the doors open for her to come back. After she started dating some fuger I absolutely despise I gave up on it and started looking around on Tinder. A handful of dates with ok looking girls (I have no game) but the exact same thing, even if I click with someone off the bat by the second or third date I feel myself run full speed into a mental wall. My interest drops off a cliff physically and emotionally and I delete the app and don't bother for a month or two. Rinse and repeat.

Probably unexplored PTSD from my shitty fuging marriage. You probably have similar issues. If you can afford it consider a few sessions with a therapist - I'm looking into it myself. Can't hurt to let a professional help you tinker with your head.

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