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Eagles Week: Dried Puss, Tank Tops, and Fake Championships

SCP

By SCP,
in Carolina Panthers

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SCP Enthusiast

SCP

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The worst 4-1 team in the NFL!  Stick that sh*t up your ass and let it sink in like a 300 lb Detroit hooker sinks into a memory foam mattress. We flew up to Detroit, battled the refs and a hostile crowd, pounded that Cooter and walked out of the stadium with a win.  I also got flipped off by a table full of Michigan State fans at the bar in Detroit. All in all, a great weekend to be a Panther fan.  Now it’s time to bag that W and focus on our next opponent during this short week.  Since this is a short week and these assholes do not deserve a minute of my valuable time and honestly, not a damn thing has changed in Phily since 2015, I am going to polish an old turd and recycle some content.   

As in 2015, we are ushering in a gaggle of disgusting human feces from a forgotten crap hole sandwiched between DC and NYC.  Like an orange hemorrhoid protruding from the bleached asshole of Donald Trump, Phily and Phily fans are hard on the eyes and a pain in the ass.  The Philadelphia Eagles and the biggest bunch of assholes this side of Kim Jong-un are coming to BofA stadium on Thursday night.  A more delusional fan base you will not meet.  

The Philadelphia Eagles have been around since 1933.  That’s 84 freaking years.  In that timespan their NFC East rivals have won somewhere in the neighborhood of 14 Super Bowls and the Eagles have won zero.  Our Panthers have been around for 20+ years and it kills me to not have a ring.  I fired off a tweet today about their lack of rings because that’s all us fans of ringless franchises can do and they come back with garbage about the NFL Championships they won in the 50’s when the NFL was like a Mormon church softball league.  Can you blame these Eagles losers for being such miserable wastes of oxygen?  These people are so pathetic that the city had to erect a statue of a fictitious boxer named Rocky just to boost the morale of these unemployed loud mouth bastards.  Philadelphian’s actually believe Rocky was a real life boxing champion.  They cannot separate reality from the movie screen.  I guess when you have to stumble home every night after pounding 17 Stroh’s Lights at the neighborhood bar to women that need a helping hand just to wipe their own fat asses, Eagles fans have to clamp on to whatever small victories they can get.  So while Rocky beating Clubber Lang was awesome, it carries as much weight as the Eagles trophy case.  

Somehow Philadelphians have found our region and migrated here in the thousands.  Like the Dust Bowl era Sooners, these people packed up their diabetic compression socks and loaded up their shitty, rusted out 1978 Buick LeSabre’s and hit I-95 south.  It would have been nice if they kept driving south past NC/SC and ended up in the Straits of Florida, but no, as our luck would have it they ended up here.  Joy to the fricking world.  The most miserable group of white trash this country can produce has set up shop in our backyard.  Every time you bump into an Eagles fan you have to listen to them bitch about Donavan McNabb and how their latest sebaceous cyst (Google that poo) got blood and puss all over their CPAP mask.  Then as Carolinians we are forced to dodge these morbidly obese people rolling around our city on electric scooters in those horrible sh*t green jerseys. So anytime you see a fat ass Eagle fan on a scooter at Walmart, feel free to hitch a ride because you and I are footing the bill with our tax dollars.  The only local businesses that have prospered from this mass invasion of Philadelphians are Gastroenterologists and stores that sell denim products with elastic seams.  

These clowns claim that Philadelphia is the cheese steak capital of the world?  Give me a break.  I’ve been there.  I’ve been to Pat’s and Geno’s and Tony Luke’s and Delassandro’s and they are all ass.  Cheap beef served on dry bread with fake cheese whiz and onions.  Only somebody from Phily would brag about that garbage.  You want the authentic Phiy cheese steak experience?  Go to the gas station, buy a Hot Pocket and a Miller Lite, call the cashier some kind of racist nickname, and punch the guy behind you in line in the face for standing to close to you.  Boom, authentic Phily experience.  If you want to make it really authentic, take a sh*t on your front porch and yell for your wife to come clean it up before you go inside and then cap it all off with a drunk shadow boxing session telling her how you could of beaten up Drago just like Rocky did in Rocky IV.

Eagles fans are walking around thumping their chests about being 4-1.  I think they started last year 5-0.  Carson Wentz is now best QB in the league.  F**Kin A I really cannot stand these guys.  Like in 2015, they think this game will be a breeze.  They think Cam is a running back.  You’ve heard the arguments. When the ball is kicked off in BofA Thursday night the atmosphere should be electric like it was in 2015.  The stands will be full of Eagles fans in the NFL’s ugliest jerseys because none of those assholes want to live up there anymore and we have to deal with the fallout of a country with an open Interstate system that seems to only head from the northeast to Charlotte.  Ah, but like in 2015 Panther fans are going to make our joint tough for those clowns to play in.  Like in 2015,  Eagles fans are thumping their chests over wins against some pretty bad teams.  Good for them, they beat who they were supposed to beat.  Even with our injuries, we are the most well-rounded team they have faced.  It just sucks that this game is on Thursday and not Sunday. I think our defense is going to come out with something to prove after subpar Q4 performances against NE and Detroit.  Our interior o-line and our line as a whole is playing good football and Cam Newton is starting to look healthier week by week.  Cam will beat the Eagles pressure and J Stew will have a breakout game and run the ball against that stout defense.  Not one national outlet has picked us to win the last two weeks.  The NFCE ass kissing has already started as Sal Paolantonio literally rode in Doug Peterson’s car to the game on Sunday.  How many used wet wipes were in that passenger seat?  In the end it’s going to be a great game and the good guys will prevail as Eagles fans leave our stadium with another fat L.

 

Panthers 31
Eagles 24

 

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Saca312 Experienced

Saca312

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Eagles fans are bred obnoxious, annoying, and whiny. After succumbing themselves as the joke of the NFC East, they’ve devolved to bellowing monkeys hollering and degrading others to make their worthlessness feel better. Their sole existence is to piss the hell out of every fanbase, even when they know there’s absolutely nothing going for their own team.

No wonder the Failcons designed their statue after the Eagle’s logo. They know the Panthers are going to win the Superbowl this year, so they did their research on the Eagles to try and figure out how to be the biggest assholes in the NFC South. (See: Butthole stadium)

Eagles are patheticly outmatched and they know it. They haven’t beaten anyone (as usual) and think they’re legit all of a sudden after beating 3 bottom feeder teams. That’s like a high school varsity team bragging about beating the JV team in scrimmage. 

Their secondary’s hurt. Fletcher Cox isn’t 100%. They’re 2-8 without their best RT. Carson Wentz is overrated. 

Panthers win and smack the poo out of these turds.

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Saca312 Experienced

Saca312

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Seriously, the Eagles are the epitome of trash when it comes to fanbases. Outside the division, they’re the #1 I despise.

Annoying, obnoxious, and completely delusional. You’d think they’re the Patriots at their peak with the way they talk. They think Wentz is the next Brady and talk about how their offense is unstoppable with him it’s annoying.

I’d tolerate it, but the way they say act and boast makes them the equivalent of a herd of dying swine squealing and yapping like crazed maniacs while squirming in a pile of dirt and mud wallowing in their own feces.

Thank you SCP for this.

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Saca312 Experienced

Saca312

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LIke they literally spend 4 posts talking about the matchup and start whining about how McNabb is the GOAT and how they were better than Brady in their superbowl and shouldve won. 

How pathetic is that.

This originally was a topic on the Panthers and Eagles. That didn’t last long.

http://forums.philly.com/discussions/Eagles_Forum/_/_/kr-eagles/187386.1?mobile=y

“If by "technically outplay", you mean "2nd best QB on the field" then you would be correct.

Super Bowl XXXIX

McNabb 30 of 51 for 357 yards 58.2% 3 TD 3 INT 75.4 Rating

Brady 23 of 33 for 236 yards 69.7% 2TD 0 INT 110.2 Rating”

“

Don led our offense to 21 points against a top 10 defense without any help from his run game, no knowledge of what plays the Pats were running, and did so without ever handing our defense a short field to defend.

Tom led his offense to 24 points against a top 10 defense with heavy support from his run game, knowledge of what plays our defense was running, and while handing his defense a short field after his fumble.

Nobody is arguing Don was perfect that day.  But he did a better job than 99% of the other people on the field that day, including Tom Terrific.”

 

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