Why your team sucks: Panthers edition!

[Cary Kollins]

"the 2016 Panthers are probably our greatest historic case study for football not existing at all"

 

I mean....damn.

[Chubbs McGee]

On Richardson:

Quote

 

Get fu*ked, old man. Everything good about this team will be at his mercy until he finally drops dead, just as all the cool things about North Carolina are at the constant mercy of dipshit rednecks that hate queers in the shitter and blacks at quarterback. This is just all so EXHAUSTING. 

 

Hot damn!   Its super true though.

[bleedsgreenandgold]

Was good with everything until he said Raleigh is a blast.

[Chubbs McGee]

3 minutes ago, bleedsgreenandgold said:

Was good with everything until he said Raleigh is a blast.

Inner monologue:

Yeah Asheville's great . . . Wilmington yep, beautiful . . . 

Quote

 

Research Triangle Park is a blast

 

*RECORD SCRATCH*

[Salisburysean98]

"What is it about NFL owners that makes them live so long? At first I thought it was superior healthcare, but I think it’s just spite. They know how much we hate them and they figured out how to turn that hate into lifeforce." Drew Magary. 

Had me cracking the f u c k up. So true.

[nctarheel0619]

21 minutes ago, Chubbs McGee said:

Inner monologue:

Yeah Asheville's great . . . Wilmington yep, beautiful . . . 

*RECORD SCRATCH*

I enjoy it.  

[DeeJay]

LMFAO

[pantherphan96]

Usually these piss me off because Magary is offbase and doesn't know much about the team and its dynamics (though the fan write-ins are usually very accurate and funny) but this is so accurate it hurts. Probably have seen most of these takes from fellow Huddlers as well.

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 Remember when he benched Cam for not wearing a tie? WHAT BOLDNESS. It takes real guts to submarine an entire game by trotting Derek Anderson out there because you know the owner will make frowny faces at any player rocking a fuging turtleneck.

Amen. 

Quote

There’s also something hilarious about this team drafting a multipurpose back and then entrusting him to Mike Shula. That’s like handing a Porsche to a dog. The next time a Panthers wideout or back goes in motion will the first time. Poor Lil’ Caff is gonna get sent out into the flat 40 times a game. Really gives the safety a nice target to launch at, you know?

Quote

He is a cool and wondrous player who is, virtually every waking moment, subjected to beatings both physical and verbal, from opponents and from the deranged yokel factions of this fanbase that demand Cam Newton be anyone other than Cam Newton.

Quote

There will always be a section of this fanbase that roots for Cam reluctantly, like they’re biting their tongues at the Thanksgiving dinner table. 

 

Quote

Our geriatric owner, who engineered the 2011 lockout that was wholly based on the owners wanting to fug over the players, fired the GM that won 3 division titles in 4 years, engineering a team that came within a whisker of starting 18-0. The reason? Basically because he was too Belichickian with the players. Because who wants to emulate the most successful coach in football history, right?

 

[shaqattaq]

19 hours ago, Hoenheim said:

Miles:

fug Jerry Richardson with a thickburger

 

fug me and fug Mike Shula with Usher’s cock.

At least they have managed to keep their offensive coordinator, who thought it would be a good idea to have Cam Newton constantly take 5 to 7 step drops behind an o-line that couldn’t play in the CFL. This organization is less functional than Trump’s White House.

The OL is still in shambles, Cam will eventually turn into a vegetable, and the refs still hate us. Cam could be laying decapitated on the field and the refs would still flag him for delay of game. 

 

 

 

 

[PhillyB]

sadly all true

[frash.exe]

drew magary despises jerry richardson, so i always know he reserves a special part of the article just for him every year

[Jon Snow]

1 hour ago, frash.exe said:

drew magary despises jerry richardson, so i always know he reserves a special part of the article just for him every year

I'm not very fond of the old bastard myself anymore.  

[Basbear]

[bleedsgreenandgold]

It's the Saints turn:

 

"Guaranteed the first home game vs the Pats there is going to be some dumbass fan with a sign that reads “AP, BEAT THE PATS LIKE YOU BEAT YOUR KIDS!” At least he will blow out a knee in week 3 so I won’t have to hear about how the reason they are losing is bc they aren’t giving AP the ball enough. Then him and Sean Payton can spend the rest of the season free-basing Vicodin on the sidelines while Brees drags this sorry ass team to another 7-9 season."

 

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2017-new-orleans-saints-1797711545?utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_twitter&utm_source=deadspin_twitter&utm_medium=socialflow