r/NFL Roast of Falcons

[Ricky Spanish]

Click here for a good laugh at the Falcon's expense

 

[MechaZain]

Quote

Matt Ryan makes Russell Wilson look like DMX.

lmao

[ecu88]

Lol

DaZingMaster Chiefs • 1h

I am not saying that the new Falcons stadium looks like a butthole, but I am saying that it does have Aaron Rodgers's attention.

[The NFL Shield At Midfield]

that's a keeper

[pantherphan96]

this is from the Aints roast but its so brutal i felt the need to share

Quote

Will Smith was a true Saint because he got murdered on the road

 

also

Quote

What's the difference between a cow and hurricane Katrina?

You have to stop milking a cow after 7-9 years.

 

[The Huddler]

20 minutes ago, pantherphan96 said:

this is from the Aints roast but its so brutal i felt the need to share

 

also

 

The will smith one literslly made me 

 

"WAHAHAHOHOHOOOOOOH fug!!!!"

[UpstatePanther]

"In 1864, after a month-long Civil War battle, Union soldiers under General William T. Sherman burned a large portion of Atlanta to the ground. This senseless destruction was the second-worst atrocity ever committed by a group of patriots against the city of Atlanta."

[PanthersATL]

I hadn't seen this earlier. Made me chuckle.
https://www.reddit.com/r/nfl/comments/6cp9pl/rnfl_roast_of_the_carolina_panthers_132/

 

[davos]

Some other highlights:

Quote

 

There are easier ways of avoiding a trip to the White House

 

Quote

It was amazing to watch Atlanta last season. Every week we saw all those guys out there do what they do best. They achieved way more than most expected and everyone’s accolades were well deserved. And everyone important should be coming back to give the competition hell. Fans should be incredibly happy and looking forward to next year. And watching Donald Glover deliver a stellar second season should be a nice distraction from how the Falcons will perform in 2017.

Quote

I am not saying that the new Falcons stadium looks like a butthole, but I am saying that it does have Aaron Rodgers's attention.

 

[theDIRTYcode2]

Hell I can do better than this.

The new Atlanta stadium was supposed to have a 100 yard bar, however construction wasn't gonna be completed until the third quarter of 2017, so it was reduced to 75 yards instead.

[PhillyB]

21 hours ago, pantherphan96 said:

this is from the Aints roast but its so brutal i felt the need to share

 

also

 

it low key scares me that i laughed as hard as i did at that 

[RelaxImaPro]

posted by a panthers fan

 

Quote

Be Falcons fan

Rise up, it’s game day

Roll out of bed, put on my lucky Matt Ryan bra and vintage Ron Mexico Jersey

Pump myself up by watching the second season of The Walking Dead

Drink morning Coca-Cola

Check the time - 5:30am

Oh no, I’m running late

Better hurry so I can get to the stadium in time!

Pull out of driveway and sit in traffic for 7 hours

Blast Migos at full volume

Attempt to sing along

Never learned the lyrics so just shout out the random words that aren’t part of the main rap

Finally arrive at nifty new stadium

Drink my afternoon Coke

See retro Eagle’s logo statue out front, do the dirty bird out of excitement

Beautiful southern day so the giant robot sphincter opens

Game starts

Matt Ryan throws weak pass right at a defender but Julio drop kicks him and catches it in one motion

“MATTY ICE MVP!” I scream for no reason

The mere mention of the word “ice” sends city into panic

Roads shut down

Cars catch on fire

Chaos ensues

Everyone calms down with a cold (not ice cold) Coca-Cola.

Game progresses to 4th quarter

Go up 28-3 against Saints

PTSD Kicks in while eating a celebratory peach

Visions of Tom Brady flash before my eyes

Icemelting.gif

Begin to choke

Entire team chokes with me

Saints have put a Cajun voodoo spell on all our peaches

Saints score 3 unanswered touchdowns

Begin to hyperventilate

Last thing I see is Matt Ryan dropping back to pass on 3rd and 1 from the Saints 20

Sacked for a 20 yard loss

Collapse like I-85

Black out

Wake up in jail

Ask what happened

Told I kept screaming “RUN THE fuging BALL!” at an infant mistaking it for Dan Quinn

Find out Falcons lost

Cry into my jersey because I missed my evening Coke

Meet a guy named Randy in jail

He’s a Patriots fan

Seems like a cool guy

We hit it off

Feelsgoodman.jpg

For three days we hang out, everything is chill

Fourth day rolls around and Randy snaps

Randy tries to have his way with me

After struggling for what seems like eternity, I give up

Randy forces me to my knees

Grabs my face and brings my gaze to his as he unbuttons his pants

Randy slowly bends down and pushes his mouth to my ear

“Embrace the suck” He whispers

Choke

 

lmao goddamn.  shoutout to 0xnard_Montalvo for that one in case you happen to be a huddler

[R0CKnR0LLA]

the producers of the walking dead used atlanta as a setting for the show because a post-apocalypse wasteland atlanta looks exactly the same as normal atlanta

[Yaboychris28]

"Keep pounding" -Kelvin Benjamins heart. Made me lol