advice needed

[thefuzz]

20 minutes ago, PhillyB said:

ironic... two hours ago i got a message from someone on fb asking me if i was my wife's husband. i said yes, she asked to call me. she called me. hysterical, told me her husband and my wife are having an affair. she found out her husband has been making trips to greensboro ostensibly on business, found a receipt for jewelry in his car with a UPS receipt and tracking number, tracked to my wife's apartment. it's en route now. i fuging suspected this forever

no idea what i'm going to do, i almost got in three accidents driving to work. now i'm sitting here with absolutely fuging nothing to do to get my mind off of it so i'm just going to turn this thread into a soap opera now. fug my fuging life, enjoy

Hate to hear this my friend, but normally this is the deal.

Married folks don't normally bail until there is a safe landing spot....she has found hers.

 

Please, for the love of everything holy, get as good of an attorney as you can afford.  Especially now that the cat is out of the bag....those two are going to feel cornered and come after any and all of your assets.

This poo happens quick too.....cancel all the credit cards that you two share, get her off the bank/retirement/slush accounts you may have.

No time to waste here man, you need to kick it into high gear.

[frash.exe]

13 minutes ago, PhillyB said:

actually he's right. i have a fuging truckload of flaws and i've confronted them throughout my marriage. i have been fanatical with finances, saving up to pay off debts and houses to build our financial situation to give us a platform to do whatever we want in life, but so fanatical that i freak out when she buys stuff. i also spent wayyyyy too much time traveling during the first three quarters of the marriage. i justified it then as something spirit-led, and she encouraged all of it, but i was a fuging moron for not seeing it as becoming an issue. i swore off traveling three years ago, since then it's been just necessities (i'd already committed to the grad program that had me in vietnam, and this cambodia thing was not supposed to happen without her expressly insisting she was going to, which she backed out on to leave me when it was too late for me to cancel it.)

i also was a poo father for the first two years or so. i literally had no idea how to be a dad. i didn't know how to change diapers and i didn't know how to just sit with a screaming baby. i compensated for my weaknesses by doing the one thing i knew how to do, and that was work my fingers to the bone providing for my wife and baby. i manned up a long time ago and now i'm a great dad and i am absolutely in love with my daughter, but i recognize that put stress on her back then.

i am chock full of flaws. i have pitched my life into recognizing them, rooting them out, and sacrificing the vices at the core of them on the marital altar, sacrificing everything i've wanted that i've put ahead of her.

that's part what makes this so fuging hard to take. the one bit of satisfaction i got out of any of it was the fact that i was sacrificing. a lot like squirting iodine in a wound. it fuging hurts and you get no pleasure out of it. but you know it's making you better, healing, helping you do what you need to do. and despite the utter lack of anything personally that i got out of it (jesus fuging christ ive gotten laid three times in the past two years, ffs) i still love her and want to make things work.

and now she's getting fuged by some dude on the down low, that cuts my fuging heart out of my chest. worst possible feeling in the universe. worse than death

this is going to be embarrassing as fug to read back on but right now i just need a fuging outlet. thanks huddle

ok, but none of what you did excuses her from having an affair though. and you never quit. listen, nobody has everything figured out. if you can get married when it's right, have kids when it's right, and not have to sweat because everything is prepared for before going in then you're a privileged and lucky individual. you might have flaws but you were willing to address them and improve. that she left in spite of that drive to do better isn't your fault. 

[cookinwithgas]

wow sorry Phil, that's a tough one. But I can tell you at least there is now something to be angry or petty about that has no comeback whenever you need to get in that little zinger for emotional stability purposes. I certainly was not above that, but my daughter already knew about the guy so your mileage for that stuff may vary.

You'll be OK and maybe make a movie based on all this someday. But with zombies, or set in the Star Wars universe or whatever.

 

[frash.exe]

also i know you might feel down on yourself because she left you for something else, but that's only because we as a society are conditioned to believe that being a lady killer or a man-eater is something to aspire to, and that it ties into your self worth. i have very little patience and a lot of contempt for users.

[pstall]

Philly soo sooo sorry to hear man .

You got tons on the mental and emotional plate right now. Get it all out as constructively as you can man. Do NOT push it inside.  Even sharing with us schlubs helps.

I can only say im here for ya man. I will drive to wherever and have some beverages or just sit back and let you purge. 

Far too early to try and give any deeper sage advice at the moment. 

Get the legal stuff going and all your financial stuff organized in terms of ownership etc.

Don't try to analyze too much and spend as much time with those that always take you to a good place. 

My heart goes out for you.

[Jimmy]

The only thing I would truly worry about is making sure you get at least 50/50 custody of the little one. 

Take the high road always, keep the fun stuff, and try like he'll to get your name off anything you don't want to pay for later.

Come on over to the man cave soon and let's have a drink or two or three or four...

[Davidson Deac II]

Now I will double down on the lawyer advice.  She may not want to fight for things, but with this guy whispering in her ear, and given that he might be facing a divorce and child support himself, well things might change.  

 

Of course, for now just talk to one.  No need to decide what you want to do yet, but you should at least know your options.  And be prepared legally for whatever comes.

 

Btw, while I agree in principle with two sides to every story, if she cheated and you did not, then most of the blame is on her.  

[Kevin Greene]

Sorry Philly never divorced, but.

If she's currently in the mood to leave the assets behind I'd get that locked up as quickly as possible. Gotta take care of you. 

Then I'd figure a way to make sure your daughter is well taken care of both when she's with you and with her. And begin to prepare now for her college and future.

Once all your ducks are in order try and get to a place where you can enjoy life again. gotta leave her in the rear view. Best of luck.

 

[stankowalski]

You know about my situation Phil and we share some similarities in the way things transpired in our respective relationships.  Can't give you advice on seperation/divorce papers because I'm not that far along yet (but I will be).  Just know there is a light at the end.

[OneBadCat]

Truly sorry my friend. If you are still looking for a lawyer my brother is an attorney in Charlotte. I'm not sure if he handles divorce but I know he would know a good one.

[Dingo_ate_Babies]

Women are complex creatures and are generally unpredictable.  Alot of how they feel about their partner is just a matter of perception and there isn't alot that can be done about it. Effort is definitely important, but you can't control how you (or someone else) can make them feel. Sometimes effort just won't cut it. That said, bailing on a marriage is really low, especially when the person has done nothing wrong (The same situation happened with my own parents). Based on what I've read and her reasons for leaving, she should of never agreed to be married in the first place and saved everyone the trouble. There's no such thing as the perfect marriage, and people are too damn idealistic sometimes. I say good riddance.

Oh and I believe that you can sue the man for stealing your wife. My dad did the same thing in NC and won.

[Bronn]

17 hours ago, Dingo_ate_Babies said:

Women are complex creatures and are generally unpredictable.  Alot of how they feel about their partner is just a matter of perception and there isn't alot that can be done about it. Effort is definitely important, but you can't control how you (or someone else) can make them feel. Sometimes effort just won't cut it. That said, bailing on a marriage is really low, especially when the person has done nothing wrong (The same situation happened with my own parents). Based on what I've read and her reasons for leaving, she should of never agreed to be married in the first place and saved everyone the trouble. There's no such thing as the perfect marriage, and people are too damn idealistic sometimes. I say good riddance.

Oh and I believe that you can sue the man for stealing your wife. My dad did the same thing in NC and won.

It is called Alienation of Affection in NC, and yes PhillyB can.

Likewise, the other guy's wife could sue Mrs. PhillyB.

Sorry to hear the most recent update. I'll tell you like I told a friend of mine in the past year that a similar thing happened to. It is time to look after yourself and get ruthless. Yes, some civility will be required, but she's the one clearly out of bounds. Don't settle for less than half of everything and I would fight for even more, including primary custody.

You should definitely consult an attorney, but I would make it known to her that it will get publicly ugly if she wants to go that route. It is in her best interest to basically give you what you want at this point, in my opinion.

[Kevin Greene]

19 hours ago, Dingo_ate_Babies said:

 

Oh and I believe that you can sue the man for stealing your wife. My dad did the same thing in NC and won.

WTF? And I thought California was a litigious state!

 

[Cat]

23 hours ago, Dingo_ate_Babies said:

Women are complex creatures and are generally unpredictable. 

I think you meant to say humans.