advice needed

[t96]

1 minute ago, PhillyB said:

she didn't walk out on the kid, we're splitting custody. she just walked out on everything else. but the end result is still that she's effectively trading 50% of the time she'd get to spend with her during the rest of her childhood for a chance to go find the wonderful marriage with the warm fuzzy feelings she has set above all else.

still unforgivable though and it is the destruction of my family for such trivialities that makes me madder than anything.

Ahh misunderstood.

[PhillyB]

2 hours ago, ARSEN said:

Sorry to hear that bro.  I met your wife few times and she seemed super nice but it seems like you guys been having issues for quite sometime.  I remember you were possibly exploring other opportunities few years back when you guys been having issues.  This possibly is for the best because you been struggling with this as well.  You are young, you got a full life ahead of you.  Now get out there and get some ass.

thanks. she is a nice person, she just gets tunnel vision and doesn't want to have to work for anything, she wants it all to just be automatically perfect and not require her to do anything. hence why she admitted she has done literally nothing in six years of marriage to try to improve things and would rather just leave than do the hard work of trying.

we have had issues, but i was never exploring other opportunities. i'm in it for the long haul, always have been, no matter what it's cost me, which is a fuging lot.

i also don't know how people just get out there and plow through pussy after divorces. i can't even fathom it, not emotionally and not even biologically, despite basically enduring a celibate marriage for half a decade. i honestly don't ever see myself dating again. give me my kid and let me write and that's all i need.

fug

[Khyber53]

Buddy, just be kind and wise to yourself through this. You'll make it out the other side eventually but it is going to hurt like hell until it gets done.

[stirs]

 

[Pejorative Miscreant]

Can't give you any advice but wishing you well.  I know the phrase is overplayed but maybe it is for the best.  I am not saying this happening is a good thing and it is probably going to be difficult, but somehow I think you, her and most importantly, your daughter will be better off in the long run.

Hang in there.

[frash.exe]

sorry to hear that phil. it really sucks.

 

and i completely agree with you. however the desire to pursue total happiness is, uh, that kind of goes out the window when you decide to have offspring with somebody. it ruins innocent lives when a parent decides "hey this just isn't working for me anymore see ya". it ruined my mother's life.

[PhillyB]

15 hours ago, frash.exe said:

sorry to hear that phil. it really sucks.

 

and i completely agree with you. however the desire to pursue total happiness is, uh, that kind of goes out the window when you decide to have offspring with somebody. it ruins innocent lives when a parent decides "hey this just isn't working for me anymore see ya". it ruined my mother's life.

it's the exact same thing her mother did, actually. her father has just about been my therapist through this shitstorm, tells me everything she says is like hearing an echo of his wife leaving him twenty years ago. exact same justification, exact same rationale, exact same mental gymnastics to dodge the cognitive dissonance that bears down on you when you destroy your family for the sake of self-pursuit.

she says she doesn't see it as a broken home because "some relationships are just different..." baloney. she's breaking the home and doesn't want to carry that on her shoulders for the rest of her life, so she's telling herself that's not what it is.

i never imagined this poo was so difficult, i literally want to go hug every single person i know who's ever been bailed on in a marriage. it is the fuging worst thing a human can go through besides war and maybe losing a super bowl after leading by 25 points in the third quarter.

[Doyle]

Stories like this have made me terrified of commitment.  It's amazing hearing some of the hell my buddies have been through and then these idiots jump right back into another marriage once they finally pay their last alimony check. 

Love 'em and leave 'em fast

 

[PhillyB]

2 minutes ago, Doyle said:

Stories like this have made me terrified of commitment.  It's amazing hearing some of the hell my buddies have been through and then these idiots jump right back into another marriage once they finally pay their last alimony check. 

Love 'em and leave 'em fast

 

yeah i really don't fuging get it. this poo has fuged me up good. as far as i'm concerned it's just me and my kid from here on out, fug all that other poo

[Johnny Rockets]

8 minutes ago, PhillyB said:

 

i never imagined this poo was so difficult, i literally want to go hug every single person i know who's ever been bailed on in a marriage. it is the fuging worst thing a human can go through besides war and maybe losing a super bowl after leading by 25 points in the third quarter.

Went through something very similar and it sucks....hard to describe the emotions you have to deal with. Best way I can describe it is a really, really, bad version of Groundhog's Day. Wake up each day with the same punch to the gut feeling that you had the day before and it never seems like it's going to stop.   

Stay busy (which obviously you have been), talk to people close to you, and keep moving forward. One day you will wake up and all this weight you feel on you right now will be gone.

It certainly doesn't happen overnight but it did shortly after I made peace that the fight was over and turned my focus and energy towards the great new experiences that waited for me. I never looked back from that point and a whole new world opened up for me. Really hate to hear you are going through this because it's unbearable at times, but you'll get through it. 

[dave-o]

If you are in NC there is thing called a "no fault" divorce...  Basically its each party saying she goes her way you go yours...  We didnt even go in to a court room or need a lawyer you just file the papers and a sheriff delivers the goods to his/her house to be signed....  I woke up one morning to discover my wife had cleaned out our bank account and there wasnt poo I could do about it...  So I tossed her out on her head....   Dont let her get the first move...  Protect yourself...

10 years later and I am so happy she is gone but I still want to kick her in the baby maker !!

ETA:  I am reading where you say you had nothing to do with this....  A little tough love but thats BS...  None of us are perfect.....

 

 

[Johnny Rockets]

And as others have mentioned, it wouldn't be a bad idea to get a lawyer to look any agreement over. Doesn't sound like she wants anything or is trying to rob you blind so that is good.  

Sounds like you will be able to avoid battling in court which is much more pleasant (and cheaper) if it indeed comes down to that. We never saw a courtroom and worked things out between us which went a long way in having a good relationship now. I went to 4 different lawyers before I found one I liked that didn't act like we were about to go to war.  

[Davidson Deac II]

2 hours ago, Doyle said:

Stories like this have made me terrified of commitment.  It's amazing hearing some of the hell my buddies have been through and then these idiots jump right back into another marriage once they finally pay their last alimony check. 

Love 'em and leave 'em fast

 

Just based on my personal experience, I would say that most people that do that have issues themselves that they need to deal with.  I got married for the first time about 26 or so years ago, and it was pure misery.  I wanted nothing to do with committed relationships for a couple of years.  I got comfortable with being alone (and admittedly comfortable with being a male whore for a little while).  But I eventually, I realized that the problem was my choice in women, and I made a conscious effort to be with a different kind of woman.  It wasn't easy, but eventually, I found the right one and we are going on our 21st year of marriage.  My first wife though is now divorced four times, and might now be on her fifth. 

 

Of course, each case is different. 

[thefuzz]

1:  I'm terribly sorry that you are having to deal with this.

2:  Please get an attorney.  You have the funds to do so, don't play around with a woman that will walk from 50% of her child's life.  There are other issues going on up there, and you need to protect yourself.

3:  Stop talking to her father.

4:  Love your daughter and be in her life as much as possible.

5:  Brush yourself off, and move on.  Marriage is tough, having a kid makes it tougher, having your thirst for travel and learning makes it even harder.  A kid growing up with two loving parents, even if not together, is better than growing up in a home where the parents hate each other.

6:  At least Atlanta lost.

 

Good luck man.