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Saints week Part Deaux

SCP

By SCP,
in Carolina Panthers

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SCP

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11-0.  Can you think of a better way to spend Thanksgiving than watching our Panthers take the Cowboys behind the wood shed?  The Panthers told Tony Romo to go out to the backyard, pick out his favorite switch, and drop his drawers then proceeded to lay down a whoopin that would make Adrian Peterson say “Damn!”.  Greg Hardy was rendered useless and Dez Bryant was eliminated from the competition faster than a Cowboy fan at a spelling bee.  To top it all off we showcased some pretty damned sweet uni’s to the nation and Panther fans could be seen and heard loud and clear on the television thanks to RoaringRiot.  It’s a great day to be alive unless you are some clown from Charlotte that claims to be a Cowboy fan.  It’s a funny thing about Cowboy fans in the Charlotte area.  They talk so much sh*t for a team that hasn’t done a thing since our team was born.  They are all hype, no guts, and have this bravado that has less substance than Jerry Jones’ cheek bones.  Good riddance, losers.  

 

If you are a NC or SC resident and are not a fan of the Carolina Panthers then life must suck right now because assholes like me take great joy in pissing in your Corn Flakes.  The bandwagon has been to Jiffy Lube.  It’s been washed, Armor All’d, and has a full tank of gas.  Grab whatever you can to get onboard because I welcome you all.  Whatever it takes to keep the opposing fans out of our home stadium is welcomed by me.  If it takes thousands of bandwagon hoppers, so be it.  At least they will show up to the games and cheer for the Panthers.  Since it’s the holiday season let me paraphrase my close and personal friend, Clark W Griswold:  Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned Panther ass kicking tour. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, 11 game win streak we have going on here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest football season since Jake Delhomme tap-danced with Tommy f*cking Brady. And when Sean Payton steps his drugged-out Zoolander looking ass onto that sideline Sunday, he's gonna look into the Sh*t Dome seats and see the jolliest bunch of Panther fans this side of the nuthouse. 24 hours has passed.  Bring on the f*cking Taints.

 

Speaking of bandwagon fans, I mentioned way back in week 3 (http://www.carolinahuddle.com/boards/topic/118732-its-either-saints-week-or-somebody-farted-on-this-airplane/#comment-3489590) there is one thing in this world that disappears faster than a duck fart in a hurricane and that is Who Dat nation.  For what seemed like an entire day we had to hear about how hard core and dedicated Saint fans are.  Remember the glory day? Remember when you’d see these morons running around Charlotte?  They were such a proud lot.  They bought the Mardi Gras anal beads and the Brees jersey and were squealing “Who Dis” or whatever the fug that stupid chant is.   They were happier than Justin Wilson with a declawed squirrel and some Astro Glide https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oScmodG_riM.  You’d be in the line to drop your kids off at school and inevitably in front of you would be a Nissan Cube with a fleur de lis sticker next to a soccer ball sticker next to a stick family next to a Duke or Carolina sticker on the back window. The good old day of New Orleans Saints fandom.  

 

But now as we approach week 12, Saints fans have become even harder to find than a New Orleans native who hasn’t finger banged a Coypu at least twice.  Like Streptococcus mutans (google that poo), some have secretly acted under the cover of darkness and ordered cheap high quality Russell Wilson jerseys from Chinese websites.  They have tirelessly scraped the fleur de lis sticker off the minivan, careful to remove all residue.  Others have dusted off that Brady jersey.  And then some have reverted back to their first love that was made possible by a dog breeder with a dream from Yorkshire, England and George Washington Carver’s obsession with peanuts.  Not unlike our own Phily B and his ability to capture the essence of a game with his artistic skill set, Louisiana native George Rodrique captured the plight of the Jefferson Parrish canine in his Blue Dog series of paintings.  Inspired by the Cajun legend, loup-garou, Rodrique used Blue Dog to illustrate the delicate relationship between a dog and his owner struggling to find love in the affluent neighborhoods of Metairie, LA.  The sad eyes tell the story of a puppy lying sleepless under the moonlit sky, frustrated, while trying unsuccessfully to lick the peanut butter from the roof of his mouth as he questions his very existence.  You can feel the internal struggle of the blue dog as he tries to suppress the vivid memories of a sweaty real estate mogul panting in ecstasy after every peanuty lick. 

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The fall of New Orleans has been a joy to watch.  Strip mall Dojo’s that once trained milquetoast trust-fund vegans the art of hand-to-hand combat are now ripping down Saints banners faster than Cam Newton yanked down that Fayetteville hill jack’s Packer sign.  The crazy daughter of Tom Benson is chomping at the bit to send the old man to a rest home and take over the franchise so she can send Sean Payton packing.  The fat slob defensive coordinator was fired after his 11 safety defense failed to stop Kirk f*cking Cousins.  The New Orleans Saints are the McRib of NFL football teams.  About once every 15 years the sauce makes it look delicious but when you take a bite you find yourself chewing a mushy preformed gelatinous mass of pork asshole, cartilage, ear lobe and snout meat.  

 

So this Sunday when the Panthers take the field it will be against a Taints team that is lacking heart.  Payton has one foot in the medicine locker and the other foot out the door and the Mole is running out of fuel.  The Dome will not provide much of a home field advantage since the Saints are playing for nothing. The Panthers will be nice and rested up and thanks to the “worst 11-0 team in history” bulletin board material they will hit the field with something to prove.  J Stew should have a field day as our o-line takes over the game early.  I think the Saints will show a little life but in the end they are a bad football team.  As I said in the past, this team has a different mental make-up and I just cannot envision them having a mental let down.  There is a true dislike of the Saints organization.  I would not be surprised if Derrick Anderson is in by the start of the 3rd quarter of this game.  The preseason NFCS favorites will bow down to the preseason favorites to finish 3rd or 4th in the division.  

 

Panthers 35

Saints 17

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