What burns your ass?

[PhillyB]

I want to go to a bar now to try all these things and laugh internally.    

be sure to also try to pick up women you can't pick up.

last night this dude was sitting there and a very attractive woman came in and sat down and he was like a motherfuging eagle swooping in for the kill. first he bragged about how he's about to be reeeeeally attractive because he's start his diet injections tomorrow. that didn't work so he started bragging about how he's suing for disability so he's about to pick up about $500k. that didn't work so he offered her tickets to the wyndham golf tournament. that didn't work so she got up and went to a different bar.

fuging loser

[L-TownCat]

unless you

1) do stupid poo like say "what all beers do you have?" and wait for me to list all 20 beers and then go with a bud light

2) do stupid poo like order a frozen miami vice layered evenly while it's extremely busy, or order a vodka gingerale but specify that the vodka has to be vanilla-infused, poured into a tall wine glass exactly 3/4 full of ice with the gingerale in a short stemless glass on the side without ice so you can add it in small splashes, so you can show all your friends how discriminating your palate is

3) loudly order drinks for everyone in the room and loudly let everyone repeatedly know that everyone's going on your tab because you're the man and then leave a 9% tip

4) flop down into the couch without ever looking at the bar and then wave frantically at the bar and ask for table service when it's clearly bar service because there's actual poo going on and the bartender doesn't have time to stand at your table while you take twenty minutes to decide to order a malibu and pineapple

5) ask to taste all the wines before deciding on a bud light

then you're good

I've totally done the 1st one when these "bars" are listing the Double Stuffed Fish Fillet of Flouder Highland Gaelic IPA, Triple Dark Mocha Oatmeal Stout Deer Urine Ale, Heineken and Bud Light.

[Captain Morgan]

unless you

1) do stupid poo like say "what all beers do you have?" and wait for me to list all 20 beers and then go with a bud light

2) do stupid poo like order a frozen miami vice layered evenly while it's extremely busy, or order a vodka gingerale but specify that the vodka has to be vanilla-infused, poured into a tall wine glass exactly 3/4 full of ice with the gingerale in a short stemless glass on the side without ice so you can add it in small splashes, so you can show all your friends how discriminating your palate is

3) loudly order drinks for everyone in the room and loudly let everyone repeatedly know that everyone's going on your tab because you're the man and then leave a 9% tip

4) flop down into the couch without ever looking at the bar and then wave frantically at the bar and ask for table service when it's clearly bar service because there's actual poo going on and the bartender doesn't have time to stand at your table while you take twenty minutes to decide to order a malibu and pineapple

5) ask to taste all the wines before deciding on a bud light

then you're good

 

I feel your pain.  In the 90's I was a nightclub dj in Myrtle Beach.  Dj's get the same stupid questions as bartenders.  One night a young lady came to the booth.

 

Her:  Can I request a song?

Me: What would you like to hear?

Her:  What do you have?

Now I've got a couple hundred cd's behind me and what I want to say is.

"My cd's are stored in alphabetical order, so let's start with A,  Abba.  Dancing Queen.  etc"

What I said.  "Why don't you think about a song you actually want to dance to, and if you think of one, let me know."

 

by the way, she never came back to request a song, which was the best outcome.

 

 

 

[Kevin Greene]

It burns my ass 

What says you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBXF8dqA0Hw

[bigjohn]

x2 on the late thing. It's crazy too trying to get that through to high school students, but it's amazing how some parents get upset because we punish their kids for being late.  Gee, I wonder where that behavior is learned.

Phones in the movie theatre. Once the previews start, cut them off. And yes that includes texting. When I'm in the theatre I want to be in world of make-believe.

 

[chknwing]

buffalo turds