PTSD is a motherfuger

[Lumps]

That's my favorite song by TOOL; 46&2. Has nothing to do with mental illness but if you can relate good for you. You should seek help.

[Lumps]

Thank you guys. I appreciate it. I really do. And like I said there's no danger to me or anyone else. It's just a thought or feeling that's always in the background. It's hard to explain. The season can't start soon enough. :)

Problems still might occur later. It's best not to be hard headed and get after it early. Another song you might like is Background by Third Eye Blind. Excellent song, check it out. Also PTSD is a problem for many other people besides just soldiers for many reasons. You're not alone.

[frash.exe]

My mother has it. It helps when we take her out and get her to experience new, fun things that take away the monotony of everyday life. I would say start there. Try to develop new interests by sampling different hobbies and visiting new places if you can. Do whatever you can afford. For some people it just takes a good book. It wouldn't be surpressing your problems if you tried, rather, if you sit around and start thinking too critically these thoughts will fester and they will ruin your day and make you feel like poo. It gets way too easy to do so if you're already in the habit.

[Moorgan]

That's my favorite song by TOOL; 46&2. Has nothing to do with mental illness but if you can relate good for you. You should seek help.

No not mental illness...transformation and evolution. My favorite song is Lateralus. It reminds me to push my own boundaries and be better. The thing about this PTSD is that it's not waking nightmares or anything Hollywood. It's simply a feeling of anxiety but about what is unknown.

Sure the anxiety of danger when you're over there is real and palpable. But it's more than that. It's the anxiety of letting others down. Of not giving your all. Of not living up to the impossible standard you and the organization...hell the country has for you.

Not being a better soldier, leader, father or husband. It's a pressure that's relentless. The stress of war...after 7 deployments...heightens it. But to be honest, you don't have to go to war to feel it or be affected by it. It's a pressure I believe we all feel. War just crystallizes it. Distills it to a very fine point.

I'm human. I've failed many times over and will again. I guess it's also partly a guilt of disappointment. I know I've had successes. The vast majority of people I've worked with would say I'm a good leader. But it's hard not to focus on the negative. You always want to improve.

I'm rambling now. So I'll end this thought with this...

[Devil Doc]

Im here for you Bro... Been there Done that, and still going through it myself