Only you

[Mr. Scot]

Yikes

[jayflip]

Sadly, it's me. I know people who think I'm a lying sack of sh*t when I tell them stories or they hear things about me. Then they hang out with me and realize that weird poo just gravitates towards me.

I've learned to accept it and embrace it. I happen to appreciate the absurdity of life.

[Mr. Scot]

See, but now you gotta tell one to validate it.

[Mvp2014]

How many of you have one of those friends or family members that just seems to be a magnet for weird s--t happening? You know, the kind of stuff that just makes you look at them, shake your head and go "Only you, dude; only you."

For me, it's my sister, the one whose 'moments of infamy' include things like spraining her ankle getting off a toilet because she sat there till her legs fell asleep.

Who do you know like this, and what's their weirdest story?

(or is it you?)

 

 

Quick question: Could your sister fit in a rowboat?

[Mr. Scot]

Quick question: Could your sister fit in a rowboat?

She could, but the notion of my sister on any kind of boat just screams 'bad idea' to me

[jayflip]

See, but now you gotta tell one to validate it.

Last night I walked to the market to buy some pesto. On my way home, I decided to take the alleyways to shave off some time. An intimidating homeless dude approached me and asked if I had any cash. I shrugged and said I only had pesto. He replied, "well can a have a pesto?" So I reached into the bag and pulled out my recently purchased pesto. I offered him some and he became instantly confused and angered and started belligerently cussing at me. I asked him if he wanted pesto or not, and he calmed down and reached his hand out. The pesto came in a bag, so I opened it and squeezed some out for him on his dirty finger tip. It was weird. He then asked me if I had any meth. When I told him I didn't, he sat down and just stared blankly at nothing. I then proceeded home and made some zucchini noodles and pesto, with oven roasted cherry tomatoes.

A few days before that I went to an amusement park. I applied sunscreen to my face to avoid burning my handsome exterior. This made my hands greasy, and when it came time to pull my card out of my wallet, my greasy hands could not grasp it with enough force to remove said card from it's position. I used my incisor tooth to bite it and pull it out. The card didn't budge but my tooth did. I heard a big crunch and my tooth had a noticeable chip in it. Fml.

Those are two recent stories.

I also cut my toe off by accident (it's sowed back on), got concussed at a recent holiday party for work, found two dead bodies on two different occasions at work (and I lease apartments, I don't do anything crazy) and the list goes on and on.

I never thought any of it as weird or over the top until one day I realized this poo doesn't happen to everyone else. It makes for very interesting times though.

[Mr. Scot]

Dang, dude

[Mr. Scot]

To be completely honest, some of my sister's misadventures are her own fault.

 

Best Example: She used to have an old style TV, the kind where you had to use knobs and buttons to power on, change channels, etc.

 

She bought a universal remote for it

 

When it (obviously) wouldn't do anything, she called me and my nephew in to ask for help.

 

After she explained the problem, we just sat there and stared at her blankly

 

I finally explained what was wrong.  My nephew asked "What did you expect it to do?  Reach out and turn the knobs for you?"