I think I have a personality disorder.

[Doc Holiday]

And I've been looking it up a bit. and this is something I've found.  and regretfully it's me to a tee.

 

 

 

Avoidant Personality Disorder: The lives of people with Avoidant Personality Disorder are marked by a pattern of social inhibition and hypersensitivity to perceived criticism, which are associated with chronic feelings of personal inadequacy beginning by early adulthood. Believing that they are socially inept or otherwise inferior to others, people with this disorder typically avoid activities involving significant interpersonal contact because they are afraid that they will be negatively evaluated or rejected. They are commonly inhibited about initiating relationships or openly expressing themselves within relationships, and may be highly reluctant to take risks due to fear of embarrassment.

 

sauce-> http://albertellis.org/personality-disorders/

 

it's not something I think about, but generally I have a crippling fear within social situations especially if I don't know the people I am around. or if I'm outside of my comfort zone.  there have been many parties/social gatherings that I get invited out too that in my head I think it will be fun, but instead I think of some excuse or another to not go and do it.  and it's not because I dont want to do it, or really have a reason not to other than an uncontrollable fear that grips me when social situations arise. 

 

This may seem odder if you knew me from my rafting days, but I guess the reason it didn't bother me as much then was because I was in my comfort zone, and whitewater was something I was good at and knew it so I wasn't afraid of social criticism.  I have noticed this fear tends to lessen itself, if I know the people around me very well, like family/close friends. or if I know I am never going to see them again. 

 

I dont know why I felt the need to bring this up in here, other than the old saying that "the first step in correcting a problem is to admit you have one."

 

So I guess I am admitting it. 

 

anyhoo, anyone else ever dealt with something like this? tips or suggestions?

 

[YourMomsLover]

I can relate my man.

This is why I'm having such a hard time finding a new job. I honestly don't want to have to meet new people.

But I know I as soon as I do make that first step in finding a job here in OH, meeting new co workers, I will eventually ease up and grow comfortable with the new people, and surroundings. It's just really difficult to take that first step.

Back in NC, as soon as I graduated high school, I entered the workforce with my grandpas HVAC business. I knew all the guys that worked there, being my grandpa raised me, and I was always around the shop.

My grandpa died in September of last year, and my old company shut down. 10 long years in HVAC were over. My co workers ( all considered family to me) all had to find new jobs.

So my wife and I move up here to OH to be close to my dad. She's found a job as an assistant manager at Huntington Bank. Her intrapersonal communication is through the roof.....me not so much.

I spent 10 years working for a company that employed folks I knew from my childhood, and some that came along during my tenure. It was a sheltered ass job.

Having problems figuring out where I belong anymore. In general. Ohioans are nothing but a bunch of slow driving, selfish assholes, with a horrible accent. But there ARE a lot of jobs here. I just have to get out and find it.

The problem is...interviews, and the feelings that go along with "maybe this isn't the best job/situation out here for me."

But everyone here loves our deep southern Appalachian accents so maybe that's a plus. Hoping things change for the better for us up here. I was always the moneymaker. My wife never worked. Now the roles have switched, and it's putting a huge strain on our marriage.

I have to get a job, but it's that first step in meeting new potential employers and employees, that's really freaking me out. But I know after those first few days of employment I will be just fine.

TLDR: I'm 28, and this is the first time I've been unemployed, and it's hard as fug to meet new people/employers. But everything will be ok.

[Panthro]

Doc

You might just be agoraphobic

[London Loves Luke]

I can relate my man.

This is why I'm having such a hard time finding a new job. I honestly don't want to have to meet new people.

But I know I as soon as I do make that first step in finding a job here in OH, meeting new co workers, I will eventually ease up and grow comfortable with the new people, and surroundings. It's just really difficult to take that first step.

Back in NC, as soon as I graduated high school, I entered the workforce with my grandpas HVAC business. I knew all the guys that worked there, being my grandpa raised me, and I was always around the shop.

My grandpa died in September of last year, and my old company shut down. 10 long years in HVAC were over. My co workers ( all considered family to me) all had to find new jobs.

So my wife and I move up here to OH to be close to my dad. She's found a job as an assistant manager at Huntington Bank. Her intrapersonal communication is through the roof.....me not so much.

I spent 10 years working for a company that employed folks I knew from my childhood, and some that came along during my tenure. It was a sheltered ass job.

Having problems figuring out where I belong anymore. In general. Ohioans are nothing but a bunch of slow driving, selfish assholes, with a horrible accent. But there ARE a lot of jobs here. I just have to get out and find it.

The problem is...interviews, and the feelings that go along with "maybe this isn't the best job/situation out here for me."

But everyone here loves our deep southern Appalachian accents so maybe that's a plus. Hoping things change for the better for us up here. I was always the moneymaker. My wife never worked. Now the roles have switched, and it's putting a huge strain on our marriage.

I have to get a job, but it's that first step in meeting new potential employers and employees, that's really freaking me out. But I know after those first few days of employment I will be just fine.

TLDR: I'm 28, and this is the first time I've been unemployed, and it's hard as fug to meet new people/employers. But everything will be ok.

 

Judging from this post and some of your posting in the Tinderbox I reckon your problem is more to do with your prejudices (I wouldn't go as far as bigotry but I probably could) than anything else. Maybe drop some of your pre-concieved notions of people and their worth and you may find it easier to initially engage with them.

[YourMomsLover]

Judging from this post and some of your posting in the Tinderbox I reckon your problem is more to do with your prejudices (I wouldn't go as far as bigotry but I probably could) than anything else. Maybe drop some of your pre-concieved notions of people and their worth and you may find it easier to initially engage with them.

Your mum m8

[London Loves Luke]

Your mum m8

 

What does your other personality think?

[YourMomsLover]

What does your other personality think?

I mean....is your dumb ass going to respond to the OP like I did, or will you continue with your bullshit?

[London Loves Luke]

I mean....is your dumb ass going to respond to the OP like I did, or will you continue with your bullshit?

 

I wasn't going to, but if you insist. I reckon OP should probably stop trying to self diagnose himself and go and see a psychiatrist that can resolve the deep seated cause of his social anxiety. Admitting you might have a problem is only step 1, mentally laying yourself open and facing your demons is the painful part.

 

You on the other hand probably need to deal with the childhood issues that seem to have made you an angry man and probably lay off Fox News for a bit.

[YourMomsLover]

I wasn't going to, but if you insist. I reckon OP should probably stop trying to self diagnose himself and go and see a psychiatrist that can resolve the deep seated cause of his social anxiety. Admitting you might have a problem is only step 1, mentally laying yourself open and facing your demons is the painful part.

You on the other hand probably need to deal with the childhood issues that seem to have made you an angry man and probably lay off Fox News for a bit.

You don't know anything about me bro.

Talk about "preconceived notions." fuging hypocrite.

My preconceived notion about you is you're a fugtard. Honestly

[Khyber53]

Everyone has anxiety like this at one time or another in their lives. I've experienced it during my childhood and teen years, then there are bouts of it peppered in through my adult life. It comes and it goes.

 

It is nothing more than a barrier that you have to break through. The longer it goes on, the bigger the gulf becomes -- the feelings of alienation, distrust and worthlessness just grow and grow and grow. You perceive it as the rest of the world pulling back from you, but in reality it is the other way around -- you pulling back from the world.

 

I'll save you a huge amount of time in therapy. Here's how you beat it: Get off your butt and find something new to do with people. Go join a basketball league at the Y. Go find a new job. Go to church and join in a Sunday School class. If you aren't married, ask a girl out. Join a reading club. Anything that gets you outside of your cocoon will break you from this. 

 

No one is out there denying you access to the world and happiness. You are instead chaining yourself to a very sad spot in your life. Break out of it and go forth! You owe it to yourself. You owe it to the people around you. You owe it to the people you haven't met yet. 

 

Otherwise, you just sit in place miserable. It is a sick form of narcissism that concentrates purely on the self, excluding others because of fear and trepidation. The only cure is to stand up, feel that you do indeed have a backbone, and then walk out and meet some new people. Do this and you will be amazed at how much better you feel immediately, how your existing relationships fix themselves so quickly. 

 

You don't need a pill. You don't need life to go back to some mythical "way it was". You just need to get up and go live it. It's tough to hear, but it is what works, it is easy, and the only side effect it has is that you may actually enjoy yourself. 

 

It has worked for me every danged time. And it scared the crap out of me each time I did it, but man, it gave me my life back.

[Lumps]

This is not uncommon. I have had similar issues and it is what has influenced me to get my Psychology MA degree. It has helped me immensely in understanding myself and others around me.

There are many ways to deal with this, and many different angles to take including figuring out the 'source', but I will keep it short.

The source is always avoidance which in turn become self fulfilling. Meaning you avoid people and situations because you're anxious, shy, and/or uncomfortable etc.

Soon it starts to flip, and become a reality. This is when real problems start to emerge. So instead of those being reasons you avoid people and situations, they become the RESULT of avoiding people and situations and thus become a self fulfilled prophecy, a cycle.

This is something that must be worked at and dealt with, not something you think you're going to 'cure'. You're not all of a sudden going to change into a different person, especially near 30 years old when our personalities are pretty much set it stone.

There are many coping methods to approach the issue but I will keep it general, short, and applicable. Like a phobia, the best way to overcome this is to 'face your fears'. Learn to let go. Put yourself in these situations. Force yourself to meet new people. Practice being able to calm yourself and act naturally. The whole 'say yes' to everything is what needs to be applied within reason. Go to any event you can, meet people, express yourself and when you get more comfortable start purposely drawing attention to yourself like wearing a shirt your normally wouldn't or simply making a toast.

A large part of taking this so seriously is your lack of exposure. I had a friend who was confident in all areas of life except talking to women. He'd get rejected and thought about it so much he dwelled on it. I wanted to help him. I took him to bars and brought women over to us. Gradually, I let me bring them to me. He'd get rejected and we'd keep going. We'd purposely go out and expose ourselves even if we didn't feel like it. After years of this exposure, he now blows off rejection like it's nothing and has learned to move on. He is a natural with the ladies now.

You'll never win a race you don't actually race. Losing, being uncomfortable, being shy or anxious are the enemies, NOT the actual social situations, NOT rejection. Learn to cope with these things and rejection instead of avoiding the situations.

It will not be easy, but it will get easier. You can look up many different ways to cope and overcome this but they'll all lead back to EXPOSURE. All of them. Go to that work party you really don't want to, go to that church event you don't feel like, ask that girl out you've wanted to for so long and do it in a fashion that by you taking the initiative you have already won the social situation no matter her answer, go to that birthday party, that boring wedding, that dumb BBQ with lame people. Go by yourself! Go bowling by yourself, sit at a bar, go play pool all by yourself. Just get out there and expose yourself and your senses to social environments to gradually become more comfortable. This is an issue you'll have to work at but if you're persistent, you'll achieve your goal.

Keep in mind, at your age it is 10x easier to figure this out now than 10 years ahead. What're you waiting for?

[Lumps]

Go on blind/online dates, that's another huge one. Go meet a random person, force yourself to do it. Don't even think about it just set it up, drive there and then think about it. Learned helplessness, you're already there and your fears give in to themselves. Then set up another date after that.