Bad friend

[hepcat]

If it makes you feel any better, my roommate and I got 30 days notice at our house this week.  We've lived together for 4 years and I've been a solid friend to and him actually got him his current job by recommendation.  Heard from a friend he made a facebook post he intentionally hid from me, about looking for a new place to live and looking around, after telling me to my face he wanted to live with me again and wanting to look for a new place together.  So yea you think you know someone...

[Hawk]

just bring her to a huddle tailgate and tell her these people are your real friends....she'll dump your ass in a heart beat and probably try to find you professional help!

[Pejorative Miscreant]

Can't help note the irony. A woman seeking advice from a bunch of dudes on a football message board about how to understand a woman's behavior.

Not making fun but I find it funny.

[lola]

So, I still haven't worked up the nerve to ask her about this. Confrontations bother me, as I always get way too emotional and lose my head. She keeps posting pics of her and friends from work on girls night outings, outings she always cancelled with me. Pfft.

[pstall]

So, I still haven't worked up the nerve to ask her about this. Confrontations bother me, as I always get way too emotional and lose my head. She keeps posting pics of her and friends from work on girls night outings, outings she always cancelled with me. Pfft.

Don't view it as a confrontation. If she is your friend you can talk to her. If she isn't her actions will tell you what the future holds and actually make it easier for you.

[lola]

Don't view it as a confrontation. If she is your friend you can talk to her. If she isn't her actions will tell you what the future holds and actually make it easier for you.

You're right. Thanks.

[teeray]

Not to be that guy but she could be going through a tough time or something. Money could be an issue (needs her tax refund ASAP). Maybe she's having anxiety issues. (Make plans, freak out, don't go). I don't know the situation but it sounds like antisocial behavior. Poo happens sometimes too, but you need to let her know how you feel. If she comes clean then you're good, if she gets confrontational then you're good too. Either way you have your answer.

It is really weird, but I have developed social anxiety issues over the past 3 or 4 years.

And I was one of the most social people you could ever meet when I was in college and a young professional.

It is really a bizarre thing. I want to go out and meet up with some friends, but then at the last second get totally stressed out for no reason and make up an excuse not to go, then feel really guilty about it.

I play poker and even then I feel highly stressed before, and often bail at the last minute on games. I often have to kind of force myself to go and even then sometimes break out in nervous sweats on the way to the game.

This is the weirder part of it. If my wife forces me to go out like say to her friend's party, I bitch and moan and get quiet the whole way to a party or something. Then once I get there I am, usually, totally fine. If I am still feeling stressed I just drink.

I am not sure if Lola's friend is having a similar problem, but social anxiety can be a bitch.

[teeray]

Also, I hope this doesn't come off as sexist, but women are weird with this kind of stuff.

My wife is the same way, if a friend is acting weird she will try to decipher everything on her own, or talk to me or a girlfriend about it.

But me and my friends have never had a problem calling each other out on our bullshit.

Just say, "What's up? Why do you keep doing this? Did I piss you off or something?"

Doesn't need to be bitchy, just matter of factly. Then go from there.

My 2 cents anyway

[Hawk]

I'm thinking she's jealous of you...especially if she's cancelling outings with you but still keeping them with other people.

 

try to stop being awesome around her and maybe that will help.

 

 

Nah...she's probably not worth it....move on...

[lola]

Meh. I don't have a lot of girl friends. Never have. Most of my friends are guys...I just relate to them better I guess. Oh well.

[PhillyB]

So, I still haven't worked up the nerve to ask her about this. Confrontations bother me, as I always get way too emotional and lose my head. She keeps posting pics of her and friends from work on girls night outings, outings she always cancelled with me. Pfft.

 

not to insinuate anything, but is it possible you've done something to piss her off and don't realize it? posting girls night pictures could be a passive-aggressive move designed to make you jealous or hurt you. that would be immature behavior, of course, but it could also be a manifestation of some kind of pain or hurt. some people have mastered the art of the incredibly-innocent-yet-deeply-assertive facebook post and maybe that's her shot at you.

 

or maybe she's just jelly

 

either way my humble opinion is you should definitely work up the nerve and bring it up to her in as non-confrontational a way as possible, let yourself be vulnerable to being hurt by it, let her know you're vulnerable to being hurt by it, and then put the ball in her court to either explain it and begin healing the friendship, or shut you down and let you begin healing yourself.

[lola]

not to insinuate anything, but is it possible you've done something to piss her off and don't realize it? posting girls night pictures could be a passive-aggressive move designed to make you jealous or hurt you. that would be immature behavior, of course, but it could also be a manifestation of some kind of pain or hurt. some people have mastered the art of the incredibly-innocent-yet-deeply-assertive facebook post and maybe that's her shot at you.

or maybe she's just jelly

either way my humble opinion is you should definitely work up the nerve and bring it up to her in as non-confrontational a way as possible, let yourself be vulnerable to being hurt by it, let her know you're vulnerable to being hurt by it, and then put the ball in her court to either explain it and begin healing the friendship, or shut you down and let you begin healing yourself.

Great advice. Thank you.

[The_Light_Brigade]

It is really weird, but I have developed social anxiety issues over the past 3 or 4 years.

And I was one of the most social people you could ever meet when I was in college and a young professional.

It is really a bizarre thing. I want to go out and meet up with some friends, but then at the last second get totally stressed out for no reason and make up an excuse not to go, then feel really guilty about it.

I play poker and even then I feel highly stressed before, and often bail at the last minute on games. I often have to kind of force myself to go and even then sometimes break out in nervous sweats on the way to the game.

This is the weirder part of it. If my wife forces me to go out like say to her friend's party, I bitch and moan and get quiet the whole way to a party or something. Then once I get there I am, usually, totally fine. If I am still feeling stressed I just drink.

I am not sure if Lola's friend is having a similar problem, but social anxiety can be a bitch.

 

That's exactly why I brought it up.  I was the same way.