Bad friend

[clark kent]

You just have to not let those things bother you , except less from people like that. No point in getting you're hopes up for bs like that. I have had many friends like that before you just got to drop them.

[sunbunny]

Posting from my phone so I'll make this short. I honestly don't think I'd say anything and just stop calling her.

I had a friend who did the same. We'd make plans and then she'd bail. Sometimes she wouldn't even bother to call me first. But I'd be the first one she would call when she needed something. I finally got tired of my feelings being hurt and stopped talking to her.

I've tried being friends with her the past couple of years, but I just don't care now. My husband called her a couple of weeks ago when I had my heart attacks to let her know. She's called him to ask about me, but hasn't even texted me. Screw her.

[h0llywood]

This may sound harsh but I blame you for feeling the way you do.

 

Not in the sense that you're in the wrong but that you are responsible for your own feelings. She didn't force or ask you to be upset or angry with her, that is your emotional impulse. The next time she doesn't show up, big whoop. There shouldn't be a next time. Just like Promethean said, fug it.

 

This is what I learned from anger management 8 years ago.

[thefuzz]

I invited her and her son to my daughter's birthday party at Monkey Joe's. She said she was coming and even went so far as to call and ask me what she wanted as a gift. I get a text from her while I'm at the birthday party saying she's getting her taxes done and can't make it. It infuriates me, not only because it was after the party started, but I paid for her child and it was like the millionth time she's cancelled. The way she did it and the excuse she gave seemed so lame and like a blatant attempt at being hurtful. It worked.

 

Friendship is a two way street, and it isn't always A1A.

 

 

Personally, I would let the friend know that you paid for her child to attend the party, and that you don't want anything in return, but you wanted to let her know.  In addition to that, I would not be calling her or reaching out any longer.  Time is valuable, but so are your feelings.  I'm not going to let someone else's flippant attitude towards friendship hurt me.

 

Cut them out of your life, but be prepared to explain why a little later on.  I wouldn't hesitate to tell her why you no longer call her when she finally reaches back out.

[The_Light_Brigade]

Not to be that guy but she could be going through a tough time or something.  Money could be an issue (needs her tax refund ASAP).  Maybe she's having anxiety issues.  (Make plans, freak out, don't go).  I don't know the situation but it sounds like antisocial behavior.  Poo happens sometimes too, but you need to let her know how you feel. If she comes clean then you're good, if she gets confrontational then you're good too.  Either way you have your answer.  

[Cuttinedge]

I have a similar buddy like this. I genuinely enjoy hanging with him but he tries to make everything on his terms. Im always the flexible one for last minute stuff but if i text and go hey next thrs lets grab a beer its like pulling teeth for him to commit.

Dude I got a buddy that's just like this.

And he can't respond to a simple text sometimes for days. But if he has a question or needs something he will blow my phone up.

[Cuttinedge]

can I get her number? I need somebody who will leave.

Her problem ain't leaving it's showing up. And you're probably familiar with that from women

[lola]

I guess. I just take most things way too personally. It's a major character flaw.

[Darth Biscuit]

I guess. I just take most things way too personally. It's a major character flaw.

 

 

Well it sounds to me like she's a repeat offender.  If she's done this once or twice and is generally a good friend, then maybe you overreacted, if this is a pattern with her (and it sounds like it is) I would not be inviting her to more events.

[PhillyB]

lowering expectations from a friendship can be a painful thing to do, especially when it's one you care about.

 

a lot of people think you should just let it die… i'm not sure i agree. maybe you'll have to go beyond what you should fairly have to, but i think you should reach out and say something. sometimes people don't even realize they're being assholes, or sometimes it's coming from some deeper place that needs to be uncovered and brought out. and by broaching it directly, you either fix the problem or come to the absolute realization that it's unfixable, but either way you know that you tried to be the best friend you could be by attempting to salvage it instead of just kicking it away and pretending you don't care.

 

good luck

[Montsta]

You sound just like my wife Lola.

She has a problem with understanding that just because she is a super good, caring, thoughtful friend that automatically it will be reciprocated by others.

I try and tell her that her friends often aren't built like she is and she needs to accept them with their flaws or just move on.

She's working on it but she takes everything so personally I don't think she knows how to not care about things.

[pstall]

I try to in a funny yet truthful way juat cut to the chase.

Sometimes we treat relationships like going to the dentist. The anticipation is worse than the visit.

[Hawk]

while all relationships need work...sounds like this one is mostly all one sided.  Probably not worth it in my opinion.  Cut your losses and move on...if she notices the loss in her life then she will start to make some effort and hopefully you can patch things up....if she doesn't...then you've lost a friend but saved a future of more frustrations!

[4Corners]

need pics