Luke Kuechly Exposé (Parody)

[KendrickPanther]

In the All-Pro forum we were discussing some rumors about Luke Kuechley's social life. It inspired me to do some investigative journalism with the help of google image search. Needless to say there are shocking revelations. While Joe Person is at the Super Bowl embarrassing himself on National TV, we here at the huddle are covering the stories that matter. 

 

 

BREAKING Luke Kuechly spotted passed out on a party bus. Sources close to the Panthers say he was seen chugging Gatorade prior to the incident. 

 

This story comes out of Ft. Lauterdale where Luke Kuechly was seen going wild at spring break. Witnesses say he started with stretching before moving on to cardio and agility drills. When reached for comment Luke Kuechly simply replied "I regret nothing"

 

 

 

In a strange scene today Luke Kuechly was photgraphed with a baby that did not appear to be his. When reached for comment, the baby responded "he was so cute, I couldn't help myself"

 

 

LUKE KUECHLY STONED- Luke Kuechly was filmed rampaging through a neighborhood today. He tossed boulders like they were properly inflated footballs and offered to paint Miss Johnston's Garage. 

 

 

 

BREAKING: LUKE KUECHLY CAUSES TRAFFIC JAM- At approximately 5:07pm Luke Kuechly was cited for driving below the Speed Limit and causing a 42 car backup in Concord. When reached for comment Luke responded "I was a little nervous"

 

 

LUKE KUECHLY SPOTTED AT ON CAMPUS PARTY- Earlier today Luke Kuechly was photographed stumbling and dancing at a PLAY 60 event. Witnesses say he appeared to be impaired as he lacked coordination and dignity. Mrs. Stephenson's 4th grade class had a different view. They suggest he was encouraging children to live a healthy lifestyle and excel in the classroom. 

 

 

 

[TheRumGone]

lol oh philly

[Mr. Scot]

[The Huddler]

This dude is such a pussy..

[Jeremy Igo]

My pic of Luke shopping at Michaels didn't make it.

[KendrickPanther]

My pic of Luke shopping at Michaels didn't make it.

 

That doesn't fit the narrative so I omitted it. 

[Arroz con Panther]

$10 bucks says some writer at ESPN picks this up.... we all just sit back and smile.

[Arroz con Panther]

Actually, it will probably be Bleacher Report.

[tondi]

My pic of Luke shopping at Michaels didn't make it.

 

I found that shocking.  Always thought of Luke as more of a Hobby Lobby guy.

[Darth Biscuit]

Pretty sure Lola has some "stalker" type photos of Luke, but I doubt she'll share.