Glengarry Glen Russ (Wilson) - An ode to Saturday

[cookinwithgas]

That took like 5 minutes while I was pooping. You really want to watch?

I had about 20 people at my spot and I was busy cooking cheesesteaks. We ran late because of babysitter and didn't get there until 12:30.

 

I am imagining your wife walking by the bathroom while you run and pause that scene on your phone over and over...that poor woman, thinking "Coffee is for closers? What, pooping is considered "closing" now?"

 

We got in a lot later than I wanted to as well, about 15 minutes after you did. TNPanther said he went looking for you but probably didn't expect you to be in that large a crowd...I made some hot buttered rum cider that was pretty good and some wings because it was late and I needed something easy. Had pork shoulder as well but as usual I didn't eat any since I'm just running around trying to talk to everyone, taking advantage of a bonus day in the lot. We had one family wearing Arizona jerseys but the poor kid was a Packers fan or something, but they were great. None of the big group of crazies that came out from AZ in 2008 showed up...

 

 

 

 

 

AZ fanbase 2015

 

 

 

AZ fanbase 2008

[cgarsmoker]

Only words to live by......"Never pitch the bitch"

Your parents don't like what you do?....F**k you mom and dad!!.......See how they feel when you're making their f**king Lexus payment.

[bigskypanthersguy]

Seahawk fans, you're talking about what? You're talking about... bragging about that win you got, some sonofabitch who don't wanna buy Starbucks, some broad you're trying to screw, so forth. Let's talk about something important. Are you all here? I'm going anyway. Let's talk about something important. Put. That coffee. Down. Coffee's for closers only. You think I'm f*cking with you? I am not f*cking with you. I'm here from Charlotte. I'm here from Bank of America stadium. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. You call yourself a Seahawk fan you son of a bitch? You don’t want to hear it? You certainly don't have to pal, 'cause the good news is - you're bandwagon. The bad news is - you've got, all of you've got just one week to regain your manhood starting with Saturday. Starting with the game. Oh? Have I got your attention now? Good. Cause we're adding a little something to this weekend’s contest. As you all know first prize is a 1972 El Camino and a trip to the NFC Championship game. Anyone wanna see second prize? Second prize is a trip to Destin, FL with Alicejandra the Saints fan where you get to hear endless stories about how good kale is for you while his dog licks his scrotum and he stuffs Wendy’s doubles down his pie hole four at a time. Third prize is watching that 49er QB Squidward titty bang some 800 lb. grunge Seattle skank with Greg Schianno narrating. Get the picture? You laughing now? You got jerseys. You bandwagoners paid good money, take off the tags and wear them. If you can't wear the cheap high quality Chinese knockoffs you purchased then you can't wear sh*t. You ARE sh*t. Hit the bricks pal, and beat it 'cause you are going OUT.

The Panthers are weak? F*cking Panthers are weak. You're weak. I've been a Panthers fan for 20 years... What’s my name? F*ck you. That's my name. You know why, mister? You drive a ’92 Geo Storm to get to your barista job. I drive a sixty-thousand dollar pick-up. THAT'S my name. And your name is you're wanting. You can't play in the man's game, you can't win them - go home and tell your wife your troubles. Because only one thing counts in this life: Get them to cross the goal line. You hear me you fuging maggots? A-B-C. A-Always, B-Bet, C-Carolina. Always bet Carolina. ALWAYS BET CAROLINA. A-I-D-A. Attention, Indecision, Defense, Ass. Attention - Do I have your attention? Indecision - Are you questioning your jersey purchase? I know you are, because it's f*ck or win. You win or you’re left with another crappy jersey to hang next to your dusty Saints jersey from 2009. Defense - Have you met Luke fugging Kuechly and Thomas fugging Davis, for Christ sake? And Ass, as in suck mine. A-I-D-A.

Get out there - you got the Panthers coming in. You think they came in to get out of the rain? A guy don't walk on the field lest he wants to win. They're sitting out there waiting to give Russell his whipping. Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it? What's the problem, pal? You see Pete Carroll’s khaki’s? You see his khaki’s? His khaki’s cost less than my cup of coffee. Deangelo Williams made $970,000,000,000 last year, salary cap be damned. How much'd you make?

You see pal, that's who we are, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a sh*t. Good father? F*ck you! Go home and play with your kids. You wanna be here - win! You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you Hawksucker? You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get from a fan of a 7-8-1 team? You don't like it, leave. I can go out there tonight with the team you've got and make myself $15,000 in Vegas. Tonight! In two hours! Can you? Can YOU? Go and do likewise.

A-I-D-A. Panther fans, get mad you sons of bitches. Get mad. You want to know what it takes to be a Panther fan? It takes BRASS BALLS to be a Panther fan. Go and do likewise gents. Win's are out there. We pick it up, it's ours. We don't, I got no sympathy for us.

We wanna go out on those punks on Saturday and win, WIN. It's ours. If we win they’re gonna be shining our shoes. And you know what they'll be saying - a bunch of losers sittin' around in a bar. 'Oh yeah. I used to be a Seahawk fan. It's a tough racket. Depending on who the 49ers hire, I might be a 49er fan.'

This is a new team. This is the Gettleman team. And to us they're gold, and the rest of the country don't get them. Why? Because to give the Panthers to them is just throwing them away. The Panthers are for closers. I'd wish the Seahawks fans good luck but they wouldn't know what to do with it if they got it. And to answer your question, pal, why am I here? I came here because Braveheart asked me to. He asked me for a favor. I said the real favor, follow my advice and sell your f*cking Seahawk jersey because a loser is a loser.

 

Goddamn.  Okay.  See this bitch?  full of Wild Cherry Pepsi.

 

This bitch nearly went all over my work monitor.

 

For once, I'm glad I'm choking.

 

[chknwing]

just make sure that mugs handle is facing towards BOA

[bigskypanthersguy]

just make sure that mugs handle is facing towards BOA

 

lol.  that'd be a fun geographic exercise....

 

"Now to triangulate my position from Butthole, Montana to Bank of America, 800 S Mint Street, Charlotte NC...."

 

I guestimated the best I could!

[imminent rogaine]

Gives me PTSD from being in sales.

[Panthers8969]

Seriously? You still don't get it?

Still?

[Jimmy]

Just saw this...

 

[chknwing]

I fuging knew it

 

[Ivan The Awesome]

What movie is being referenced? I'm a bit oblivious to be honest.

[bigskypanthersguy]

I could edit these in my own words, but ehh.  It fits this thread's vibe and the more positivity the better.

[kungfoodude]

I fuging knew it

I almost crapped my pants laughing.

[Billy Love]

SCP, no poop reference????? 1000 word rant and not one poop reference!

[a_gumbel]

All hail the great SCP and his glorious helmet