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Is Jadakiss Top 5: Dead or Alive?

bLACKpANTHER

By bLACKpANTHER,
in Huddle Lounge

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PhillyB Grand Master

PhillyB

Posted
Posted

one time jadakiss came to my bar. it was summer and it was hot outside... you know, those blistering types of days where the sun cracks your lips and wicks the moisture from your skin and the torrid heat billows in like an open oven. one of those days where all you want is a cool pool and some cold drinks.

 

so when jadakiss came to my bar, i could hardly blame him. it was a friday in greensboro and superjamz or something was in town, and jadakiss had performed the night before, or maybe it was an upcoming show that night, i don't know. but jadakiss had some time to kill and it was hot and nothing else was going on, so jadakiss and his gigantic humungous fuging entourage showed up at my bar and decided to get drinks and use the pool.

 

and that was all well and good until jadakiss and his entourage ordered miami vices.

 

let me explain to you, huddle masses, what a miami vice is. it's the shittiest drink known to mankind. when you tell your bartender you want a miami vice, the only thing keeping him from crushing up some broken glass and dumping it in the middle of your drink so you shred your throat on the first swallow is the fact that you didn't order two. miami vices, you see, are painstakingly composed of daiquiris, which are the bane of existence for any bartender. when some yahoo titsucker beebops up out of moron land and asks for a strawburrah dakreh in the middle of a busy fuging bar scene it's bad enough, because you've got to grab the mix and measure it out to the tips of the blender blades and then pour in a shot of rum and then scoop one and one-fifth scoop of ice into the container and then find the rubber cap and then run over to the blender and drop it in the slot and then mix it up just right and then grab a hurricane glass off the fuging glass rack and fill it to the top and add whipped cream and FOUR CHERRIES PLEASE, OOPS NO MAKE IT EIGHT, MY GIRL LIKES CHERRIES HAHA and all that went down in the time it would've taken you to make nineteen jack and cokes for the nineteen people at your bar who want actual fuging drinks and are sitting there waiting for them.

 

so miami vices involve making a pitcher of strawberry daiquiri, then making another pitcher of pina colada, emptying out the first one so you can make the second one since there's only one pitcher, and then layering them, one on top of the other, in the hurricane glass. no, not dumping them both in haphazardly. no, not one vertical strip of strawberry daiquiri and another one of pina colada. no, not the bottom half strawberry and the top half pina colada. no, that fickle bitch has to be layered at list half a dozen times so it looks like a goddamn sick ass candy cane. and while people are waiting at your bar for actual drinks that exist and matter, you're making one of this motherfugers and praying to jesus the floor will open up and swallow the motherfuger whole who made you make this thing.

 

the end of the story is that jadakiss and his entourage ordered about 60 of these over the course of three hours and tipped ten dollars on them.

 

fuck jadakiss

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heel31ok Experienced

heel31ok

Posted
Posted

one time jadakiss came to my bar. it was summer and it was hot outside... you know, those blistering types of days where the sun cracks your lips and wicks the moisture from your skin and the torrid heat billows in like an open oven. one of those days where all you want is a cool pool and some cold drinks.

 

so when jadakiss came to my bar, i could hardly blame him. it was a friday in greensboro and superjamz or something was in town, and jadakiss had performed the night before, or maybe it was an upcoming show that night, i don't know. but jadakiss had some time to kill and it was hot and nothing else was going on, so jadakiss and his gigantic humungous fuging entourage showed up at my bar and decided to get drinks and use the pool.

 

and that was all well and good until jadakiss and his entourage ordered miami vices.

 

let me explain to you, huddle masses, what a miami vice is. it's the shittiest drink known to mankind. when you tell your bartender you want a miami vice, the only thing keeping him from crushing up some broken glass and dumping it in the middle of your drink so you shred your throat on the first swallow is the fact that you didn't order two. miami vices, you see, are painstakingly composed of daiquiris, which are the bane of existence for any bartender. when some yahoo titsucker beebops up out of moron land and asks for a strawburrah dakreh in the middle of a busy fuging bar scene it's bad enough, because you've got to grab the mix and measure it out to the tips of the blender blades and then pour in a shot of rum and then scoop one and one-fifth scoop of ice into the container and then find the rubber cap and then run over to the blender and drop it in the slot and then mix it up just right and then grab a hurricane glass off the fuging glass rack and fill it to the top and add whipped cream and FOUR CHERRIES PLEASE, OOPS NO MAKE IT EIGHT, MY GIRL LIKES CHERRIES HAHA and all that went down in the time it would've taken you to make nineteen jack and cokes for the nineteen people at your bar who want actual fuging drinks and are sitting there waiting for them.

 

so miami vices involve making a pitcher of strawberry daiquiri, then making another pitcher of pina colada, emptying out the first one so you can make the second one since there's only one pitcher, and then layering them, one on top of the other, in the hurricane glass. no, not dumping them both in haphazardly. no, not one vertical strip of strawberry daiquiri and another one of pina colada. no, not the bottom half strawberry and the top half pina colada. no, that fickle bitch has to be layered at list half a dozen times so it looks like a goddamn sick ass candy cane. and while people are waiting at your bar for actual drinks that exist and matter, you're making one of this motherfugers and praying to jesus the floor will open up and swallow the motherfuger whole who made you make this thing.

 

the end of the story is that jadakiss and his entourage ordered about 60 of these over the course of three hours and tipped ten dollars on them.

 

fuck jadakiss

 

probably had bad service...usually happens when the help thinks they are smarter than...well..everybody.

 

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